Daniel Marsula, Post-Gazette Click illustration for larger image.

A: That's a difficult situation, but we don't think it has to mean the end of the friendship. Here are some ideas that might help:

Honesty is important. Gently but openly express your concerns to the parents, suggesting that they talk with their kids about altering their behavior when visiting other people's homes. (You're not necessarily suggesting that the parents change their own "house rules," just that they help their kids understand that other situations require other behaviors.)

Don't hesitate to let those kids know about your own house rules, spelling out what behaviors are, and are not, acceptable in your home. Saying things like "In our home we keep our feet on the floor, not on the furniture" and "You can have some dip, but in our home we use a spoon -- like this" will provide a clear idea of your expectations.

		Parenting 4 Kids Nationally accredited, 4 Kids Early Learning Network serves children and families throughout the Mon Valley. Through this column, 4 Kids staff members answer reader questions about raising children in the critical early years. E-mail questions for consideration to: questions@4kidsearlyed.org, or mail to: 4 Kids Questions, 445 Fourth St., Braddock, PA 15104.

Think prevention. If there are particular items that are valuable, or that you don't want the kids to touch at all, tuck them away before the neighbor children visit.

Think diversion, too. Set up a space where the kids can be kids. Whether it's a small corner of your living room or a separate room altogether, stock a "messy area" with art supplies, blocks, Play-Doh, and other child-friendly activities. The families can eat together, and then the kids can play in the special area.

Finally, keep in mind that the neighbor children provide a learning opportunity for your own kids. Seeing you deal graciously, firmly, and constructively with the situation will teach them how to deal with similar situations in their own lives. After all, there'll always be kids -- and adults! -- who aren't well-mannered or respectful of other people's property.