If you are just learning how to communicate with potential dates in cyberspace, here are some basic rules of "netiquette" to keep in mind.

The opening lines of your first e-mail are the online equivalent of approaching someone in public and engaging them in conversation. So try to make a good first impression.

That advice comes from Caroline Tiger, author of the book "How to Behave: Dating and Sex: A Guide to Modern Manners for the Socially Challenged." The new guide was published this month by Quirk Books.

Ms. Tiger offers the following tips:

Do not spam by sending the same introductory e-mail message to as many people as possible. You are likely to be found out when you spam friends who are comparing notes.

Mention a specific detail from the person's online profile. This mimics the give and take of face-to-face conversation and reassures people that they are not receiving a message sent to 30 other people.

Never use capital letters for emphasis -- this is the equivalent of shouting online. Instead, bracket words you want to emphasize with asterisks. Keep emotions, especially the kinetic ones, to a minimum.

Dating and disappointment can be synonymous, especially when you meet someone in person for the first time, typically at a coffeeshop. Ms. Tiger suggests a step-by-step strategy to face what she calls a "profile impostor," someone who is "20 pounds heavier and 10 years older" than the picture posted online.

Squint a bit, as if you were in a dark room. Say the person's first name and put a question mark at the end of it to signal your confusion. ("This unsure greeting will set him up for your eventual quick exit," Ms. Tiger advises.)

Engage the person in conversation. You liked them well enough online, and this allows you to relax and enjoy your coffee, tea or chai.

Do not flirt when you are not interested. Instead, steer the conversation to neutral topics such as the weather, work or the coffeeshop's ambience.

As soon as you finish your beverage, lay some cash on the table, stand up and offer your hand for a handshake.

To eliminate any misconceptions that you might be interested in a second date, say, "Best of luck to you. I hope you find everything you're looking for" and leave.