Stacy Innerst, Post-Gazette Click illustration for larger image.

A: There are sound developmental reasons it's difficult for kids to understand that they can't win every time.

At 6, kids are still naturally "me-focused," and it's hard to accept another child's victory. Children this age also still think in a very black-and-white way, in which winning is always good and losing always bad. Additionally, kids at this age are starting to equate winning with adult approval.

So it's a tough issue -- but it's both possible and desirable to help kids develop a sense of sportsmanship, with a focus not just on the outcome but on the playing: doing their best, having a chance to participate, enjoying the game and interacting with friends.

Stress to your son before any game (soccer or a board game or anything else) that he simply needs to be the best player he can be today.

Then make sure he knows that you will still love and accept him even when he doesn't win.

		Parenting 4 Kids Nationally accredited, 4 Kids Early Learning Network serves children and families throughout the Mon Valley. Through this column, 4 Kids staff members answer reader questions about raising children in the critical early years. E-mail questions for consideration to: questions@4kidsearlyed.org, or mail to: 4 Kids Questions, 445 Fourth St., Braddock, PA 15104.

If he isn't trying his best or playing fair, talk with him about that -- but, when he does try hard and play fair, praise him for those things with only a passing reference to the outcome of the game.

Make sure your son's soccer coach shares your philosophy of sportsmanship -- including giving all the kids (not just the best players) a chance to play. If that's not the case, transfer your son to another team.

You can point out role models for your son -- for example, scour the sports pages for successful athletes who don't always win, but who are still gracious because they love the game.

Consider hosting games at home for your son and his friends -- and make sure everybody's good efforts are noticed, win or lose.

Finally, remember that parents are a child's first and most important teachers, and kids want to be like their parents -- so modeling appropriate behavior when you yourself don't win at something will help your son learn real sportsmanship.