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Cat's Call: Say those three little words
Tuesday, January 23, 2007

DEAR CAT: Is it safe to assume someone loves you even if he hasn't said the actual words? -- I THINK HE DOES

 
Do you want to ask a question? Send an e-mail to questions@ catscall.com or write to:
  Catherine Specter
  Post-Gazette
  34 Blvd. of the Allies
  Pittsburgh, Pa.
  15222
 
... or visit her Web site at catscall.com
DEAR THINK: My answer is decidedly "no way," but I took a Cat Poll on your question and saw surprisingly split results. Almost 30 percent said words aren't necessary, and almost another 30 percent said it's a bad sign if you have to assume what someone feels. Maybe you voted 1,000 times and skewed the results (wink), but I still say: no way. An assumption of that significance affects your expectations and decisions. Part of the beauty of romance in the beginning is all the wondering and anticipation and not knowing where things are headed. But once that need-to-know takes over ...

Cat's Call: Never settle for less than the real thing -- a flat-out, no confusion, unequivocal declaration of love.

DEAR CAT: You're a single woman like me. I read your column, and I've read every word on your Web site and I pretty much always agree with your "calls." But there's a little voice that asks if I should heed the general advice and especially relationship do's and don't's of a woman who isn't married. It's not a judgment call, just curiosity. -- A FAN EITHER WAY

DEAR FAN: Oh, if I had a nickel ... (1) I've been asked the same question once or twice before. (2) Heed someone's advice only if you respect their rationale and the sentiments resonate with you. (3) If you didn't view singleness as a "predicament," you wouldn't hear that little voice. (4) If you value your own judgment and still agree with mine 99 percent of the time, what does that say?

(5) Cat's Call: Admit it. The column is full of pearls, and every week is like a new strand.

DEAR CAT: A while ago I hooked up with someone, and afterward he kind of shut off and rushed off, which left a bad taste in my mouth. But we've remained friendly and kept in touch. Yesterday was his birthday, and he brought up the subject of our hookup in a suggestive way. I said something like, "I actually felt sort of used and taken advantage of." He brushed it off and asked, "Are you trying to make me feel [bad] on my birthday?" Was it wrong of me, or should I feel guilty for bringing that up on his birthday? -- J.C.

DEAR J.C.: Good thing you didn't give him a present because he'd throw it back in your face. Birthdays are bad times to broach sensitive issues, but he gave you the green light. If the hookup made you feel used -- or bad in any way -- you can say so when the same scenario is being suggested again. He sounds selfish and not a little immature. Friendly is one thing; sexually intimate is quite another.

Cat's Call: Doesn't sound like he's capable of either one.

First published on January 23, 2007 at 12:00 am
To submit questions visit catscall.com, or send snail mail to Catherine Specter, Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, 34 Blvd. of the Allies, Pittsburgh, PA 15222.