John Heller, Post-Gazette Shaler basketball coach Howie Ruppert doesn't want sympathy because he has leukemia. Click photo for larger image.

The 63-year-old father/husband/teacher/basketball coach with the tough-guy image was holding back tears.

His thick New York accent, acquired while growing up in Staten Island, wasn't too audible.

The words didn't come easily because Howie Ruppert was spilling his heart.

"Honestly, I'm not that brave of a guy. But, when I first found out what I had, I said to myself, 'I'm going to teach my two boys how you're supposed to die. I'm going to show them that you don't go crying. You don't feel sorry for yourself.'

"I've never told anybody this, but that's one of the first things I thought to myself."

Ruppert thought about a lot of things when he had that routine blood test last summer and the doctor called him to tell him he likely had leukemia, a form of cancer that produces an abnormal number of white blood cells.

He thought about his family, friends and job as a social studies teacher at Shaler High School. He thought about the players he tries to make better as Shaler's successful boys' basketball coach.

But he also thought a lot about dying.

"Every day I think about it," Ruppert said. "But -- and I want to say this the right way -- we're all going to die someday. I don't want to die, but I've come to grips with it. And I've come to appreciate so many things in life."

But please, spare Ruppert the sympathy and pity. He doesn't want it. He told his players about the leukemia once at the start of the season and hasn't brought it up with them since.

He agreed to talk about his ordeal and answer questions under one condition: "You don't write this as me looking for sympathy. That's not what I'm about.

"I'm not some brave person. There are a lot of people a lot worse off than me."

But those at Shaler who know Ruppert say he has been a great role model for the way he has dealt with his ordeal.

He seems to be winning the fight. Doctors have told him treatments are working, although Ruppert won't know for sure if the leukemia is in remission for a couple more months. But his blood count is good, and the swollen lymph nodes in his body have shrunk considerably.

And despite going through chemotherapy treatments, Ruppert has not missed a game and rarely a practice at Shaler.

He has coached high school basketball at Shaler, Northgate and St. Peter's, N.Y., for more than three decades, winning 564 games. When Seton Hall lost to Michigan in the 1989 NCAA championship game, Ruppert was a Seton Hall assistant under P.J. Carlesimo. He then came to Duquesne University and was an assistant under John Carroll.

At Shaler, he has a 149-95 record in 10 seasons with three section titles. Not much was expected from his team this season, but Ruppert has guided the Titans to a 13-4 record, heading into a key section game tonight against North Allegheny.

He is a man battling leukemia, using basketball as his crutch.

"To be honest, from Aug. 11, when I found out I had it, to the start of basketball season, you just think 24/7 about it," said Ruppert, a former baseball and basketball player at Saint Francis University in Loretto, Pa. "But what has really helped me is coming and teaching every day, and coaching after school. It keeps my mind from grinding away at it."

Every third Friday, Ruppert is given chemotherapy and another leukemia-fighting drug for six hours. That is followed by two more hours of treatments on the following Saturday and Sunday. Three times this season, Ruppert has had the chemotherapy on a Friday ... and still coached that night.

"But this is the type of chemotherapy where you don't lose your hair, and, thankfully, I haven't had any other side effects like getting sick," Ruppert said. "I'm a little out of sorts on those Fridays, but nothing I can't get through."

Ruppert actually found out about the leukemia by accident. He had a toenail fungus this summer, and doctors prescribed Lamasil. But a blood test was needed before taking the drug. A few days after the blood test, Ruppert got the horrible news. He started treatments in October.

Ruppert wondered whether he could teach and coach while going through the treatments. Dr. John Lister, Ruppert's physician, convinced him to give it a try.

Assistant coach Jason Pirring was relatively inexperienced, so Shaler officials didn't want him to have the pressure of being a head coach if Ruppert had to take time off. So Ruppert and Shaler school officials went to athletic director Paul Holzshu, a retired coach on the high school and small-college level for more than 30 years.

Holzshu agreed to join the team as another assistant and would take over as head coach if needed.

Ruppert remains a demanding coach. He yells from the bench and still is motivated to succeed.

"I know winning isn't everything, but I know winning is a lot more fun than losing," Ruppert said.

But Ruppert contends this whole experience has opened his eyes "to how many great people there are out there. You really see who your friends are."

He complimented everyone from his doctors, to nurses, to Shaler school officials and parents for how he has been treated.

Ruppert's eyes welled up when telling how he has received "probably 200 phone calls and letters from former players." He got choked up telling how, three weeks ago, his three college roommates walked, unannounced, into his classroom at Shaler.

He says his wife, Kris, a successful girls' volleyball coach at Shaler, has been a rock.

"She's been unbelievable," Ruppert said. "She won't let me feel sorry for myself -- not at any corner."

The Rupperts have two sons, Ryan, 15, and Scott, 13. Howie Ruppert also has a 26-year-old daughter, Trish, from his first marriage.

"Like any father, I took things for granted," Ruppert said. "But all I want is to participate in my children's lives. I want to be there for their successes and failures. I'd like to keep coaching, too. I just want to live."

Holzshu got emotional talking about Ruppert.

"He's more than just a coach in our athletic system. He's become a friend," Holzshu said, his eyes filling with tears. "I just hope everything works out for him because he deserves it. He really deserves it."