Anita Dufalla, Post-Gazette Click illustration for larger image.

A: For a long time, people thought that children -- especially shy, introverted kids -- created imaginary human or animal friends to fill an emotional void. However, studies at Harvard University and the University of Oregon have dispelled that idea.

So how should a parent react?

We suggest viewing the situation as a plus-A sign of a vivid imagination. Be encouraging without taking over or embellishing; this "friend" belongs to your child.

		Parenting 4 Kids Nationally accredited, 4 Kids Early Learning Network serves children and families throughout the Mon Valley. Through this column, 4 Kids staff members answer reader questions about raising children in the critical early years. E-mail questions for consideration to: questions@4kidsearlyed.org, or mail to: 4 Kids Questions, 445 Fourth St., Braddock, PA 15104.

Use the situation as an opportunity to gain insight into what your little girl is feeling, what she might be afraid of, or what she might wish she could do. Watch and listen: does the imaginary friend appear only at night? Is he or she afraid of anything? Is he or she often angry? Is your child bossy with the friend? Does the friend forget to pick up the toys ... or often spill the milk ... or pull the dog's tail? Does the friend travel to far-off places like Jupiter or Mars?

Once your daughter's feelings and concerns are apparent, you can work with her. For instance, if her imaginary friend has wonderful adventures in space or in foreign lands, a trip to the library, museum, or science center will provide a "real life" experience -- and good memories to share. If the friend is afraid of the dark, talk about that with your daughter. Perhaps she can advise her imaginary friend about ways to overcome the fear and, in doing so, can overcome her own.

Meanwhile, consider increasing your daughter's opportunities to play with real friends and practice peer communications skills. And do encourage her imagination in other directions -- for instance, through activities such as dramatic play and creative writing, as we do at our centers.

Children usually outgrow their imaginary friends when they're 6 or 7 years old. If the situation lasts longer than that, a conversation with the pediatrician is a wise idea.