Fish gotta swim, people gotta ...

	James Hilston, Post-Gazette Click illustration for larger image.

"It's a toilet!"
"No, it's an aquarium."
"Hey, stop fighting you two. It's a toilet AND an aquarium!"

Yes, it's The Fish 'n Flush, a see-through functioning aquarium that wraps itself around a clear conventional toilet tank and, voila, your toilet rivals your fireplace as the place where the family gathers. But don't thank us. Thank the good folks at AquaOne Technologies in California. (Who said idle hands are the devil's workshop?) The Fish 'n Flush fits most toilets. The 2.2-gallon aquarium takes fresh, salt or warm water. You should also know that the aquarium piece can be easily removed for cleaning without interfering with the toilet's main mission. It's available for $299 at fishnflush.com and comes with some fake plants, a filtration system and a seat with an "Under the Sea" motif.

We know what you're thinking

Frequently Likely To Be Asked Questions (FLTBAQs), supplied by The Morning File at no cost to the folks at fishnflush.com.

Q. Doesn't the Fish 'n Flush favor men over women since women would have their backs to the aquarium, whereas men, most of the time at least, would get to enjoy its beauty?

A. It would appear to, although it could work to women's advantage if it encourages men to put the seat down. Also, let's not discount the negative impact the visual diversion could have on a man's aim.

Q. What kind of fish would go well in the Fish 'n Flush?

A. Too obvious . . . bottom feeders.

Q. Any other advantage to this cutting-edge bit of vertical integration?

A. Let's turn this one over to Brian Lam of gizmodo.com: "When your goldfish turn into floaters, this'll make it easier than ever to give them a burial at sea."

Flush it down the toilet, Mom!

From the AP
• Man Buys Smoker, Finds Human Leg Inside • Coach Stops Runaway Horse by Biting Ear • Man Allegedly Tries to Use 'Blurry' $100 • Police Break Up Brawl at Chuck E. Cheese • Suggestive Card Ruffles Farmer's Feathers • Nerds to Auction Themselves to Women • Toilet to Tap? San Jose Probes Plan • Seattle to Allow Pygmy Goats As Pets • Yankees Rookies Dress Up in Oz Costumes

Katherine Rosman had a fine piece in The Wall Street Journal last week on a choice bit of role reversal: Children who wish their parents would get off their gadgets and pay some attention. One BlackBerry user's 7-year-old son said, "I feel very annoyed. She's always concentrating on that blasted thing." Her 4-year-old daughter has tried to hide the device.

Then there's 14-year-old Emma Colonna: "During my dance recital, I'm 99 per cent sure they were e-mailing except while I was on stage. I think that's kind of rude. . . At my student orientation for high school, my mom was playing solitaire. She has a bad attention span." But there's no topping 9-year-old Will Singletary's plight. He can't get his dad to stop checking e-mail while driving. "It makes me worried he's going to crash. He only looks up a few times."

Correction of the Year

Call it public service journalism. Regrettheerror.com keeps tracks of noteworthy media corrections, and it's given its highest honor for 2006 to the Sun, a saucy British tabloid, which has perfected the art of compounding the felony:

"Following our article on Princess Eugenie's birthday celebrations, we have been asked to point out the party was closely monitored by adults throughout and while a small amount of mess was cleared away at the end of the evening, there was no damage to furniture, no revellers dived into bedrooms in search of drunken romps and to describe the house as being trashed was incorrect. We are happy to make this clear and regret any distress our report caused."

An excerpt from the offending story:

"ASTONISHED witnesses told last night how Princess Eugenie's 16th birthday party descended into a drunken rave -- with teenage guests snogging, boozing and being sick.

"Fifty youngsters had flocked to the Hooray Henry bash at the Duchess of York's 10 million-pound mansion. But rather than sitting down to a meal prepared by caterers, some began knocking back champagne, spirits and strong lager they had secretly smuggled in -- and quickly became legless . . .

"The witness told how randy guests dived into BEDROOMS in search of drunken romps. Others PASSED out because they were so drunk, while several VOMITED inside the property. And rooms were TRASHED, with carpets stained and cigarettes stubbed out on furniture as the March 18 party continued into the early hours, to the strains of a blaring disco."

We should talk I

This pales in comparison, but it's competitive. It's from the Post-Gazette, in the pre-regrettheerror.com era, Aug. 14, 1993:

"Letters to the editor. A letter in Saturday's editions complained that the 'Bizarro' comic strip had included a reference to acting normal 'so that no one will notice you are a total Catholic.' The actual quotation was: 'so that no one will notice you are a total catatonic.'"

We should talk II

In Tuesday's feedback section, we left the mistaken impression that the reader who forwarded the famous pelican poem to us wrote it. As many readers have pointed out, the author is, not Ogden Nash, but the immortal Dixon Lanire Merrith, who gave birth to this gem in 1910. We present it again, this time in full, to set the record straight and get people off our back:
A wonderful bird is the pelican
His bill will hold more than his belican
He can take in his beak
Food enough for a week
But I'm damned if I see how the helican.