Kids abandoned by parents and left to fend for themselves at Christmas. Haven't we been here before? Yes, but not at an airport. It's the obligatory new heartwarming holiday comedy, "Away from Home Alone."

Warner Bros. Pictures Left to right: Spencer (Dyllan Christopher), Donna (Quinn Shephard), Beef (Brett Kelly), Grace (Gina Mantegna), and Charlie (Tyler James Williams) are stuck in an airport in "Unaccompanied Minors." Click photo for larger image. 'Unaccompanied Minors' Rating: PG for mild rude humor and language Director: Paul Feig Starring: Lewis Black, Wilmer Valderrama, Dyllan Christopher Web site: http://unaccompaniedminors.warnerbros.com/

If only they'd ask me for titles -- but, foolishly, they never do. Instead, they call this one "Unaccompanied Minors," which is an accurate enough, if not inspired, description of its heroes' plight and flight status.

Dyllan Christopher heads a cast of pubescent all-stars drafted from TV sitcoms and assembled like Pro-Bowl picks for the occasion. He and his little sister (Dominique Saldana) are being sent against their will to their divorced dad's house in Pennsylvania (where else?). Their equally unhappy fellow travelers include poor little rich girl Gina Mantegna, precocious preppie Tyler James Williams ("Most Frequent Underage Flyer"), tough-as-nails Quinn Shephard, and obese -- I mean, size-challenged -- Brett Kelly.

All of them are parentless passengers, which means that, when the worst blizzard on record shuts down the airport, they are herded like POWs to the dreaded Unaccompanied Minors Room. The law-and-orderless anarchy there makes that "Lord of the Flies" island look like Louis XIV's court. They must escape!

Lewis Black is determined not to let them. He's the apoplectic Passenger Relations Manager, whose assistant, Wilmer Valderrama, is too nice and hapless a guy to be an effective warden. Our savvy kids break out and run amok, security guards chase them, they outwit everybody, and -- well, you'll have to endure the suspense of finding out whether there's a happy ending.

A few things -- the luggage-chute chases, the cavortings in an unclaimed-baggage area -- are mildly entertaining. Cute, deep-voiced Christopher keeps his dignity opposite Black as stooge Scrooge. The sappy script's message about teamwork and (stentorian tone) "the children of divorce" helps us discover the True Meaning of Christmas, which is to put Santa Claus back in it where he belongs.

It's a harmless secular kiddie-family flick, after all, for kiddies and families that aren't too discriminating. There were lotsa laughs at the preview and smiles on faces going out. I have nothing against its succeeding, except that success would guarantee "Away from Home Alone Two" in 2007.