'We'll pre-board bathroom-users'

It hasn't reached the point of demanding urine samples, but Chinese Southern Airlines wants passengers to use the toilet before they board, so they don't have to go in-flight. The reason has nothing to do with sanitation, the environment or the Mile High Club.

Chinese Southern, one of China's leading airlines, is in the red, so to speak, and wants to save fuel. A single flush at 30,000 feet uses about a quarter of a gallon of fuel, the Xinhua news agency estimates. Add up all the flushes, and you could save a car tank full of gas, which is worth any number of overtaxed bladders.

It's part of the airline's strategy, borrowed from the decadent Americans, no doubt, to eliminate creature comforts. It estimates its average plane uses 60 tons of fuel a day simply to carry blankets and pillows, which apparently are made of iron. (Good thing they don't carry pretzels.) Reducing human waste in the plane's tanks would save $6 million a year. And, of course, not flying any planes at all would save billions.

Another item on saving gas

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Would Chinese Southern's pre-boarding toilet requirement have averted the near disaster on an American Airlines flight Monday? The plane, bound for Dallas from Washington D.C., had to make an emergency landing in Knoxville, Tenn., after passengers reported the smell of lit matches, according to WBIR-TV. Everybody had to get off with all their luggage and go through security again.

Eventually, a passenger admitted to the FBI that she had cut one -- we don't know how silent it was but it might have been potentially deadly -- and lit the matches to hide the smell. The woman, who has a medical condition and who doesn't, was not charged but could have been -- not for flatulence but for lighting a match in an airplane. The flight took off again without the woman, who presumably was encased in an air-tight bubble and shipped to her home near Dallas. We think she got a bad rap, because lighting matches in this case was a humane act.

'Please remove your fingertips'

Passengers at Heathrow Airport in London have the option of trying a system that enables them to bypass long lines and go through immigration, security and boarding by simply swiping their fingertips. Passengers' details are linked to their passport, so they can be fast-tracked. If successful, the system will be adopted at airports around the world, says bbc.co.uk.

He doesn't get frequent flier miles

It's an air crew's nightmare. An elderly American passenger died of a heart attack midway through a six-hour British Airways flight from London to Boston last week. After a failed attempt to resuscitate him, four flight attendants and a passenger struggled to carry the deceased into First Class and the only empty seat with a little breathing room.

First Class travellers, who paid up to $13,000, were none too pleased about having to sip a stiff one in the presence of a stiff for three hours, the Daily Mail (London) reported. One eyewitness, a computer executive in her 30s, said: "I felt quite uneasy. But some passengers were being very British about it and simply not acknowledging anything was wrong."

From a dailymail.co.uk reader: "I always wondered what you needed to do to get an upgrade."

A fun in-flight activity for whole family

From the always entertaining Al Kamen in The Washington Post:

"Flying out for the holidays for a little relaxation and family time? Fine. But Uncle Sam hopes you'll remain vigilant, on the lookout for terrorists who also might be heading home to see their families in Myrtle Beach, S.C., or Londonderry, N.H. To help, the State Department and the Department of Homeland Security are distributing 'wanted terrorist' posters, a news release announces. Get those visions of dancing sugarplums out of your head and focus on the 'Faces of Global Terrorism' posters. Each poster shows mug shots of '26 known terrorists with reward offers of up to $25 million' for some of them.

"So as you put on your seat belt, take a look at that guy in shorts across the aisle. Sure, he's got blond hair now, and he's clean-shaven, but doesn't he look just a little like Abderraouf Ben Habib Jdey, a.k.a. Faruq al-Tunisi? Look for a scar on his forehead. Get the jump on him and it could be worth $5 million.

"And that short guy sitting next to him with those big ears? OK, the picture's maybe five years old, but isn't that Faker Ben Abdelaziz Boussora sitting in 15B? He's worth another $5 million from the Rewards for Justice program. Who knows, but Osama -- worth a cool $25 million -- might be that guy in the dark glasses and cane on your right. And remember: 'You and your family may be eligible for relocation,' the program Web site says."