Apostles of Coors Light

Those of us who live in neighborhoods populated by loud, beery college students (Thanks, CMU! Thanks, Pitt!) may or may not be amused by this recent Washington Post story. Like any loving parent, J. Brian O'Neill Sr., no relation to the famous columnist but a developer from King of Prussia, Pa., bought a $2.4 million townhouse for his son in the fancy Georgetown section of the nation's capital.

Brian O'Neill Jr., 20, moved in with eight other Georgetown University students in August and promptly held pool parties so loud the university and police were called. So far, this story has nothing out of the ordinary. But the specter of spoilsport neighbors and privacy-invading cops loomed darkly over what was projected as a fun-filled semester. So the scholarly younger O'Neill drew on his religious upbringing for inspiration.

Zoning laws permit no more than six unrelated residents in a house. But if it's a "religious community," the number jumps to 15. The solution? Yes, here it comes . . . "The Apostles of O'Neill." That's the name the lads used when they filed to incorporate as a nonprofit religious organization -- perhaps the only one with a poster of porn star Jenna Jameson, who is only three miracles away from sainthood, featured prominently in its headquarters. The upshot: The neighbors are seething, the apostolic parents are proud of their sons' ingenuity, and the university has taken a powder, saying its hands are tied -- a familiar posture in a time when $35,000-a-year university students are viewed as customers to be catered to, because competition is stiff.

Note to neighbors: Next time the apostles loudly go through their good works in the wee small hours, phone to share the good news with Mr. O'Neill in King of Prussia.

A theologian's view

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The Rev. Thomas Reese, a Georgetown theologian: "A lot of these kids are quite spoiled. They're paying $35,000, and they can do whatever they damn well please."

Citizen reaction

From washingtonpost.com:

"I'm not very sympathetic to the overly moneyed Georgetown upper crust, but a bunch of privileged men can be a real pain in a quiet neighborhood. They think they can do no wrong and that their rich parents will protect them, which is usually the case."

"One of the fun facts about religion is that the one I made up five minutes ago is no better or worse or more or less valid than the one someone else made up 2,000 years ago."

"I say more power to these kids. And I'd say their next move should be to have the house declared church property so they pay no city real estate tax on it. It's our own fault. We set up this two-tiered system, where churches are exempt from everything and get special treatment. Is it a scam? Sure. But we set up these stupid laws, so we deserve what we get."

"Spoiled rotten . . . and I am talking about the parents. You better believe that if someone moved in near one of them and acted like this, they would find some way to shut the parties down."

"The house is about two blocks off a university that has been in the neighborhood since 1789. One would expect that the neighbors should have the not unreasonable expectation that the neighborhood is going to tend towards the louder end of things."

"Kudos, boys! How can I join the Apostles of O'Neill? Also, my wife wants to join . . . are women allowed to worship, too?"

"Georgetown University should be ashamed of looking the other way."

"The thing that gets me is the city's response. I've been complaining about the three-bedroom row house next to mine which has 25 Salvadorans in it for over a year. Apparently, Columbia Heights complaints aren't as serious as those in Georgetown. I would trade my Salvadoran neighbors for a bunch of drunken rich frat boys any day. FYI, I'm Hispanic, so don't even go there."

"These gentlemen are up at all hours of the night with blaring music, so loud it sounds more like a construction project, screaming obscenities at 3 a.m., throwing golf clubs over their neighbors garden wall, peeing on the front porch, leaving beer cups and other trash scattered all around the house, attracting rodents, cussing out police at 3 a.m., producing false parking permits to park all their luxury SUVS on the street, and referring to their refrigerator as a keggolator, as one Apostle mentioned to a Georgetown Current reporter."

"Get off your high I-live-in-Georgetown horse and give them a break. For you to say they are not here to get an education is hubris. They were smart enough to get into Georgetown and smart enough to understand their rights, so I'd say they're doing pretty well for themselves. Find something better to do than make these kids lives living hells. Take a lesson from the Apostles, be positive and spread peace and unity."

From titusonenine.classicalanglican.net:

Jim the Puritan: "I propose we establish a mission for 'Our Lady of Perpetual Motion' located adjacent to the Apostles of O'Neill and then beam medieval plainchant at 95 decibels through mega loudspeakers into that religious community at 6 a.m. every morning. It should inspire the good brothers in their spiritual devotions."

From reason.com/blog:

"While I was at Georgetown, 1997-2001, it got increasingly worse and they shut down the block party where much underage drinking occurred. I am just glad to see that the administration is not putting the hammer down on these students. Maybe the current president isn't as much of a milquetoast as the last one."

"Someone send Borat there with some release forms."

"Hey, I got an idea: How about transferring these parasites to a frathouse in Ramadi?"

"Seems to me the most painless and sane way to resolve this is for Sr. to buy Jr. another house next door for the three excess people. Problem solved, and he could probably find enough dough shaking out his couch cushions."

Update

After incorporation, the Apostles of O'Neill changed their name to the "Apostles of Peace and Unity."