"Mr. T," my fellow critic asked sweetly. "Why do you pity the fool?"

Simple on its face, it's as complex and philosophically deep as "Why did that apple fall on my head?" or "Why do women wear those ridiculous shoes?"

"That is a good question," responded Mr. T, who has looked deeply into the reflecting pool of life and whose new show, which is actually named "I Pity the Fool," premieres tonight on cable's TV Land.

"That is a good question, and a legitimate question. And I'm the man to answer it."

Clearly, Mr. T's knowledge overfloweth. But it seemed as if he had never gotten the query before his little presentation to TV critics in July, even though he has been pitying the fool since 1983, when "The A-Team" premiered.

It was one of his catchphrases, along with "You bettah watch out, suckah," on the cartoony "A-Team," about a bunch of rogue commandos who somehow managed to battle evil spectacularly while hiding from a government that wanted to imprison them. The show is perfect fodder for the nostalgic fields of TV Land, where June Cleaver is always 39 and the Jeffersons are forever moving on up to the East Side.

And Mr. T, who has magically been elevated to the status of "self-help guru," is a perfect choice to dispense advice entertainingly on the lighthearted cable network. Whom would you rather listen to, the No. 1 Jibba Jabba Attacka or the blah blah blah of Dr. Phil?

"My show ain't no Dr. Phil, where people sit around crying, 'What's wrong with me, Dr. Phil? What's wrong with me, Dr. Phil?'" said Mr. T.

"You are a fool! That's what's wrong with you. ... My show is the Dr. Phil on wheels."

"I ain't no shrink," says Mr. T, "but I don't shrink from no challenge, neither."

But enough suspense. Why do you pity the fool?

"You pity the fool because you don't want to beat up a fool," Mr. T explained. "You know, pity is between sorry and mercy. See, if you pity him, you know, you won't have to beat him up."

(Jonathan Storm, The Philadelphia Inquirer)

Channel surfing

CBS is reviving "Name That Tune" with Donny Osmond as host. ... NBC will develop a new "Bionic Woman" with executive producer David Eick ("Battlestar Galactica"). ... Kathy Najimy will join "NUMB3RS" in a recurring role. ... The latest T.J. Lubinsky "My Music" show for PBS, featuring popular tunes of the 1950s and 1960s, will tape Nov. 8 and 9 at the Harv Theater at Mountaineer Racetrack and Gaming Resort in Chester, W.Va. Performers will include Robert Goulet, Jerry Vale and Margaret Whiting. Tickets are available only by pledging to WQED at 412-621-5808 or 1-800-232-8813, and during a special "My Music" concert preview Saturday at 6 p.m. on WQED.

(Rob Owen, Post-Gazette TV editor)