Ten-year-old Michael Grande and his younger brother, Jacob, are long accustomed to sharing their birthday and holiday gifts with kids who are less fortunate. Ever since they were babies, says their mother, Carol, the siblings have donated some of their presents to charities such as Toys for Tots or their church.

Annie O'Neill, Post-Gazette Brothers Jacob, 7, and Michael Grande, 10, of Emsworth held a joint birthday pool party, asking friends to bring donations for the Children's Miracle Network in lieu of gifts. They raised $675. Click photo for larger image. Kid birthday tips and trends In Pittsburgh and in most parts of the country, folks spend between $10 to $20 on birthday gifts. Young children will probably prefer actual presents, but it's OK to give older kids gift cards (Target is a favorite choice). Unless you're throwing a party for the entire class, keep things simple. The general rule for the number of guests is age plus one, or 5 kids for a 4-year-old's party, and so on. The first sleepover party kicks in about second or third grade; boy-girl parties generally begin in middle school. For younger children, have an activity prepared for when the kids arrive, such as decorating the treat bags. It'll help shy kids get comfortable and impatient ones settle down. But go easy on the contents of the bags. Fill them with bulk candy and dollar-store bargains such as sidewalk chalk, modeling clay or cool pencils. Make sure your child sends a thank you. If he's too young to write his own note, have him draw a picture while you fill in the blanks; if you're not sure who gave what (it's smart to take notes while they're opening gifts), have him write a general thank you in which he thanks the guest for being part of his special day.

"They both get so much, re-gifting seems like a good idea," she explains.

This year, however, the Emsworth brothers went a step further. Each of the 40 or so kids invited to their combined birthday pool party last month at ACORD Park in Kilbuck was asked to make a donation to the Children's Miracle Network instead of buying a gift -- a gesture that raised $675 for the charity.

Mrs. Grande, of course, was delighted by her sons' altruistic act -- especially with Jacob, who's just 7. But other parents seemed to like it, too, and not just because it did away with the stress of figuring out what to get the birthday boys (Legos? A gift card to Target?).

"They thought it was wonderful to give to charity, and so thoughtful," she says.

The swimsuit-clad party guests also approved. "It was just like a regular party, except you got to do something nice for somebody," said Meagan Guest, a fifth-grader at Avonworth Elementary.

At a time when some kids seem to asking for (or should we say demanding?) as much as possible, and then some -- witness the popularity of MTV's ultimate me-a-thon, "My Super Sweet 16" -- the Grandes' approach might seem novel; philanthropy is better suited to socialites and nonprofits, right? The gesture also has become popular at local bat mitzvah and bar mitzvah celebrations.

But charity birthday parties emerged a couple of years ago in other parts of the country, says Miriam Arond, editor-in-chief of Child magazine.

"Parents are definitely wanting to encourage their children's philanthropy, and the idea that you have to give," she says. The idea for charity birthday parties is quickly catching on.

That was the case with the Grandes, who borrowed the idea from another student at Avonworth. Classmate Emily Stewart asked for donations for the American Diabetes Association at her 10th birthday party in July. She raised $750.

"On a macro level, she was heavily influenced by her older sisters, who both do a lot of charity work," says Emily's mother, Sue Stewart of Ohio Township. "But on a micro level, Emily is basically sick of having diabetes. She told me, 'I don't want presents for my birthday, I want a cure.' "

As selfless as that sentiment may be, charity birthday parties are still more the exception than the rule.

Much more common are theme parties built around the child's interests; It might be an "American Idol" party with a karaoke machine or a dinosaur party with a stegosaurus-shaped cake and loot bags filled with Gummi triceratops.

"Some parents have adopted their child's birthday party as a way to show their own entertaining skills, making it into something that's more memorable for adults than kids," says Karen Bokram, editor-in-chief of Girls' Life magazine for 10- to 15-year-old girls. She's even heard of kids' parties with valet parking.

"It's kind of taken on a life of its own," agrees Ms. Arond. "Parents are very busy, and a birthday is a focus of a lot of attention because it's a way for them to shower their kids with love."

Yet, whatever the level of spending, one of the hottest trends is holding your child's party at some sort of venue. And we're not just talking standards such as Chuck E. Cheese's, Build-A-Bear Workshop or your local bowling alley, though all three remain popular picks with school-age children.

Check every dance, yoga or art studio, museum or sports facility and chances are they've got party packages for children. Both the Pittsburgh Riverhounds and Washington Wild Things, for example, host parties at Falconi Field in Washington; the birthday child gets the first kick or pitch of the game and a party in the arcade area before the game.

With many children in day care, even from infancy or toddlerhood, they're socializing at much younger ages and, as such, have a full Rolodex of friends by kindergarten, says Ms. Arond. And who can handle 20 or 30 excited kids in their home?

Holding a party at a movie theater or laser tag center is incredibly convenient, especially if the venue decorates and provides the refreshments. And when you factor in what it costs to buy a cake, pizza and goodie bags, it may be a bargain.

"It's a one-stop party, which makes it very stress-free for parents," says Karen McNulty, owner of Mud Pie, Paint Your Own Pottery in Cranberry, which offers three pottery-making birthday packages for up to 30 children.

On the other hand, Ms. Arond is seeing a back-to-basics movement among some of her readers favoring at-home parties. The key, she says, is to plan ahead, have pacing in mind and be creative.

Thanks to the popularity of the Food Network, for instance, cooking parties have become incredibly popular. (Send the invites on a recipe card and hand out rolling pins or chef hats as favors.)

Moreover, a lot of old-fashioned games are making a comeback, such as Pass the Orange and relay races. "What's old is new again," she says.

These parties avoid the "one-upmanship" that can cause a child to become jaded. "Every party should have a great attitude," she says.

Which brings us back to the Grandes.

While schoolmate Emily Stewart hosted her water-themed charity party at her Diamond Run home, complete with water balloons and squirt guns and a pinata, the Grande brothers -- whose birthdays are actually in January and February -- opted for a local pool because (1) they always wanted a party in the summer and (2) they love to swim.

"They just wanted to have fun," says their mom.