The first full weekend of preseason games is now in the books, which can only mean one thing: Miller's "Men of the Square Table" advertising campaign has already run out of clever "Man Laws." Thank goodness my remote-control reflexes are already in midseason form.

But I digress.

If you haven't been paying close attention during the interminable offseason, your first order of business must be to figure out who's playing for whom. By my count, there have been at least 25 changes of note to the 2005 fantasy landscape, with more moves rumored to be just around the corner. Teams have traded, released and swapped offensive weapons at a more feverish clip than Paris Hilton changes boyfriends. We're talking a LOT of changes.

It has to be some kind of record, but I'm too lazy to look it up.

Let's take a quick look at the key offseason moves, broken down by the projected impact on each player's relative fantasy value.

TIME FOR AN UPGRADE

Daunte Culpepper, QB, Dolphins. Coming off a 2005 season that was a disaster on multiple fronts, the former fantasy stud gets a fresh start in Miami. He passed the first real test on his surgically repaired knee on Saturday and, equally important, is now teamed with the best WR he's had since Randy Moss (Chris Chambers). Culpepper should return to elite status as a Dolphin, provided the knee holds up.

Steve McNair, QB, Ravens. Reunited with his favorite receiver, Derrick Mason, McNair provides an immediate upgrade to the Baltimore offense. Todd Heap and Mark Clayton also see their stocks rise with the 2003 co-MVP under center. But while this was a good move for the franchise, temper your enthusiasm with the knowledge that the aging QB is a major injury risk.

Jon Kitna, QB, Lions. Optimism prevails in Motown as offensive genius Mike Martz attempts to extract consistent production from Detroit's underachieving receivers. If he succeeds, Kitna has the talent to prosper.

Chester Taylor, RB, Vikings. Count me among the few skeptics when it comes to this year's fantasy darling. Though Taylor's blockers are top-notch, Minnesota's backfield is replete with players of equal or better talent. Besides, the Vikings' offense ain't what it used to be. That said, Taylor's value is considerably higher than his previous backup role in Baltimore.

Michael Bennett, RB, Chiefs. After flirting with anonymity during a brief detour to New Orleans, he's suddenly a step away from carrying the load for the vaunted KC running game. But his only value is as a critical handcuff to Larry Johnson, assuming Priest Holmes retires.

Javon Walker, WR, Broncos. Last year, Steve Smith was the big question mark among receivers, returning from a season lost to injury. Whether Walker can mimic Smith's success after tearing his ACL in Week 1 of '05 is this year's $64,000 question. He looks good so far and seems well worth the gamble.

Antonio Bryant, WR, 49ers. Expectations run high for the new No. 1 receiver in San Francisco. He's developing good rapport with second-year QB Alex Smith, and is a solid sleeper candidate should the 49ers' offense find its groove.

Nate Burleson, WR, Seahawks. Couldn't handle the heat as the Viking's lead WR, but returns to his comfort zone as Seattle's No. 2. Burleson is jelling nicely with QB Matt Hasselbeck already.

Brandon Lloyd, WR, Redskins. Finally has the chance to showcase his highlight-reel skills in a decent offense. Just how many balls he can attract with Santana Moss and Antwaan Randle El on the field is another story.

David Givens, WR, Titans. He's as talented as any WR on the team, which isn't the highest of praise. But if QB Billy Volek plays well, Givens could be the primary beneficiary.

Peerless Price, WR, Bills. After flaming out in Atlanta and Dallas, he has a chance to resuscitate his career with the team that made him a fantasy star. But without Drew Bledsoe at QB and Eric Moulds on the opposite side, don't expect more than a minimal increase over his previous value of nil.

Adam Vinatieri, K, Colts. Playing home games in a dome is a nice bonus for the clutch kicker of his generation. It doesn't hurt that he'll be playing for Indy, either.

RATCHET THEM DOWN

Drew Brees, QB, Saints. Strike 1: Returning from serious shoulder injury. Strike 2: Learning new offense in New Orleans. Strike 3: No Antonio Gates. The Saints' WRs are an upgrade from San Diego's, but Reggie Bush is no L.T. just yet. Consider Brees highly unlikely to repeat his '05 production.

Aaron Brooks, QB, Raiders. Moves west on the heels of his worst year as a pro. What's more, he's going from one bad team to another. Brooks' record of inconsistency and poor decision-making, along with the inherent difficulty of learning a new offensive system, don't bode well. Even Randy Moss won't make him anything better than a bye-week sub.

Joey Harrington, QB, Dolphins. Only has value if Culpepper is not yet ready for action in Week 1, or re-injures his knee.

Edgerrin James, RB, Cardinals. We're about to find out who's more important: the guy carrying the ball, or the five guys blocking for him. Methinks it's the latter. And despite Arizona's aerial firepower, they're still a far cry from Indy. James is a first-round talent, but his production will decline in the Valley of the Sun.

Mike Anderson, RB, Ravens. A back with his pedigree shouldn't be relegated to bench duty, and he won't be there for long if Jamal Lewis stinks up the joint like he did in '05. There's already talk of Anderson lining up at fullback alongside Lewis; but unless he wins the starting RB job outright, he'll have marginal fantasy value.

Terrell Owens, WR, Cowboys. Peel back the annoying fa?ade, and you'll still find the game's best WR. But don't expect 100+ catches in Dallas' more conservative offense, with Drew Bledsoe at the helm. T.O. will still win some fantasy matchups all by himself.

Keyshawn Johnson, WR, Panthers. At 34, and a marginal fantasy producer to begin with, don't believe the reports that he'll suddenly flourish opposite Steve Smith. He's a ball hog, not a stat hog.

Joe Jurevicius, WR, Browns. Playing for his hometown team is a great story, but don't expect huge production in this offense. Will likely get off to a good start as Cleveland's go-to WR until Braylon Edwards returns from injury.

Eric Moulds, WR, Texans. Past his prime and now relegated to the No. 2 role in a marginal offense.

Antwaan Randle El, WR, Redskins. Wasn't roster-worthy as a Steeler, and won't be for his new team either.

Mike Vanderjagt, K, Cowboys. The most accurate kicker in NFL history -- just ask him -- will win more games for Dallas, but he won't accumulate as many frequent-kicking points as he did while mopping up for his buddy Peyton Manning.

Ryan Longwell, K, Vikings. Kicking indoors for his home games should help, but how many attempts will that offense allow him?

ON THE BLOCK?

Chris Brown, RB, Titans. With talented rookie LenDale White and veteran Travis Henry running strong in training camp, speculation is rampant that the Titans will entertain offers for the injury-plagued starter's services. That would be a modest surprise, but it's worth watching. Any move would likely yield a major downgrade to Brown's value.

Jerry Porter, WR, Raiders. May have punched his ticket out of Oakland, after his ill-advised public feud with head coach Art Shell. His value will vary significantly depending on whether or not he's traded, and to whom.

Ashley Lelie, WR, Broncos. The bet here is that he's traded to a team in need of a solid, if petulant, No. 2 WR, such as Green Bay, Tennessee or Miami.

I told you it's been a crazy offseason.