DEAR CAT: My close friend recently "came out" and acknowledged he's gay. I suspected it for years so I wasn't surprised. I think he was upset that his admission didn't shock me, and now there's a weird pressure to act as if I care, which I really don't. Is there a way to keep things as they were, or does our friendship have to substantially change? -- NOT SHOCKED

	Do you want to ask a question? Send an e-mail to questions@ catscall.com or write to:   Catherine Specter   Post-Gazette   34 Blvd. of the Allies   Pittsburgh, Pa.   15222   ... or visit her Web site at catscall.com

DEAR N.S.: Your friendship already has changed ... for the better. Honesty has a way of doing that. It's torture to know something so fundamental about a friend but not be able to talk about it. In the grand scheme, every relationship evolves or eventually ends.

Cat's Call: Consider this (further) proof that Darwin was right.

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DEAR CAT: This is a big THANK YOU for your response to "Concerned Dad" (June 11 column). Not everyone wants to get married or be part of a "couple." I am 42, self-confident and independent. I own a home and car, take very nice vacations, and am happy to be single. I date and I've had serious relationships with wonderful men.

Perhaps I stayed single because my parents' marriage wasn't good and I've seen many unhappy married friends. But I come and go as I please and never have to ask "permission" to be with friends or to buy a pricey gift for myself or my home. I'm not saying marriage is a mistake, but many married and divorced people say I'm smart to stay single.

To all "Concerned Parents": Don't worry about your daughters as long as they are healthy, self-confident, independent and happy with themselves. Be proud for them. As a society, if we raised more daughters with these traits, they would respect themselves enough to know they don't always have to be coupled to be happy. -- SINGLE & HAPPY

DEAR S&H: Right on, and you're welcome. But as single people, let's not forget that all those great traits are not limited to singles. You can be healthy, self-confident, independent and happy when coupled, too. Of course, it all depends upon the kind of "couple" you're in.

Cat's Call: If you find someone who brings out the best in you, don't let it go just for the sake of staying single.

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DEAR CAT: They say the opposite of love is hate, but if you don't love or hate a person, where does that leave you? If you can't tell, I'm in a so-so relationship right now and I'm just curious about your "call" on this one. -- SO IN THE MIDDLE

DEAR S.I.T.M: Emotions can be too nebulous to define, but the metric is simpler when it comes to relationships. You're either committed or not, and your heart is either in it or not. You are in the commitment without the emotion. "They" can say what they want, but I say the opposite of love is indifference. Where does that leave you?

Cat's Call: If you only get halfway to anywhere ...