Do you want to ask a question? Send an e-mail to questions@ catscall.com or write to:   Catherine Specter   Post-Gazette   34 Blvd. of the Allies   Pittsburgh, Pa.   15222   ... or visit her Web site at catscall.com

DEAR CAT: I have fallen in love with a 41-year-old single mother of one who has never been married. I am divorced and feel very close to her. The subject of our past came up, and casual sex was a significant part of her early years up until her late 20s. She was very honest about having had one-night stands. I am having difficulty with these thoughts, for obvious reasons, which leads to my questions: If a person readily admits to a past of casual sex, can he or she be trusted to be over that lifestyle? Why does this bother me, and should it? -- PAST BOTHERED

DEAR PAST: Of course she can be trusted, unless she's lying. You get that? You either trust someone's word or you don't. Her past bothers you because it means she existed before meeting you, just as you had a life before she entered it. Assuming a woman in her 40s is the same as she was in her 20s is like equating a college student with a sixth-grader. Should her past bother you? Not if you're mature and truly care for her. Her past is over.

Cat's Call: If you choose to live there, you'll miss the great stuff happening right now.

DEAR CAT: I met a great girl with whom I have a lot in common. She is athletic and has a great body, and I feel emotionally connected with her. The only problem is she is a bit of a tomboy and could use a bit of makeup and more feminine clothes. We've gone out only three times so far. I have no idea how to approach her with this; it is way too early to start criticizing her. She says she doesn't get many dates, and I think this is the reason. Everything else is near-perfect with her. Do you know how I can get her to be a little more "girly" ? Thanks! -- DE-TOM TIME

DEAR DE-TOM: There are myriad reasons why attractive girls with great bods might not have a lot of dates. Don't assume it's because other guys can't see past her lack of makeup and minis. You've had three dates and you want to change her already? Get over yourself. "Near-perfect" is quite something. Take her someplace real; don't just hang out. If she wears overalls to dinner, accept it or move on. And do note, there's never a good time to criticize her.

Cat's Call: The best thing about tomboys -- the girl underneath is an elusive surprise, not a given.

DEAR CAT: I've been dating a guy for about a month, and he's introduced me to his family but not his friends. Maybe I'm making a mountain out of a molehill, but what should I make of that? -- CASUAL OR NOT?

DEAR CASUAL: Make nothing of it, not this early. Meeting the friends can be a big step, sometimes bigger than meeting the family. Seems like it should be the reverse, but ...

Cat's Call: Ain't that often the case with many aspects of dating?