Having played to and summarily thrilled six consecutive road audiences of more than 30,000 with their willing subjugation and relatively swift surrender, the Pirates drift back to the North Shore this evening for the first of a critical three-game series with the Philadelphia Phillies.

You'll want to arrive early, as Ian Snell is pitching for your Pirates, and he has allowed eight of his 18 earned runs in the first inning, which, admittedly, barely distinguishes him from a staff that has made a trademark of ensuring that you slide comfortably into your seat looking at a 3-0 deficit.

Though it has been largely under-reported, this weekend series is huge in an historical sense, matching as it does the franchise that set baseball's all-time record for consecutive losing seasons against the organization that apparently considers that mark its manifest destiny.

The Phillies put together 16 consecutive losing summers from 1933-48, with only a 78-76 mark in 1932 preventing what would have been 31 consecutive losing seasons stretching back to 1918.

Now that's losing.

It makes what's going on around here, a 14th consecutive sub .500 summer in full bloom, feel like the mere extension of a mild slump. Which, actually, brings us, at long last, to our point.

The sustained obsession of seeing a Pirates team win as often as it loses has all but been banished to irrelevance with the club's 5-18 start, especially considering a road record that currently projects to 7-74.

The better application of your desires is probably player of the month.

Can the Pirates at least have a player of the month?

Sometime?

Not only has there been no winning season around here since 1992, there hasn't been so much as a National League player of the month in this town since Barry Bonds in September of that year.

April is about shot, but, in case they were still accepting ballots at the league office, I just went through the stats for the first 3¹/₂ weeks yesterday to see if I could scare up a candidate.

It's not Duffy McLouth, that's obvious.

Duffy McLouth has been the Pirates' center fielder for the first 23 games. Sometimes, it has been Chris Duffy, and sometimes Nate McLouth, but the effect has been singularly dreadful.

As the leadoff hitter, Duffy McLouth has walked three times and struck out 30 on the way to .193.

The first thing Jim Tracy should do when he gets to the park today is get a lineup card and write this at the top of it:

Sanchez 3B.

Freddy Sanchez isn't a player of the month candidate, either, but, as an alternative leadoff hitter, he's looking comparatively like Pete Rose.

Since Sept. 16, Sanchez has hit .379 (44 for 116) with 13 doubles and six homers, and, naturally, the Pirates have no idea what to do with a player of such evident competence.

Sanchez starting at third base might well tweak the psyche of Joe Randa, who went 2 for 17 on the winless road trip and doesn't look terribly likely to see the sunny side of .250 again. He was at .250 after four games, but is now entrenched at .222 with four runs scored (Victor Santos has two).

It might not make sense for Duffy McLouth to hit eighth, but it makes more sense than the indifferent presence of Randa keeping Sanchez on the bench.

Jeromy Burnitz, who with Randa and the injured Sean Casey, was acquired for offense and leadership, is getting left off the player-of -the-month ballot as well. If he plays in another 150 games this year, Burnitz might strand more people than a PAT strike. He has left 41 runners on base to this point.

Jack Wilson's had a great opening month, if not a player of the month month, but, on a team that scored 12 runs on the evening of April 18 and 12 runs since, you might think you'd have a better chance at pitcher of the month.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Pitcher of the month has proven to be an equally elusive little bobble to the Pittsburgh franchise. The Pirates have not had one since 1992, either, when the crafty lefty Randy Tomlin (right-handers never are crafty) was National League pitcher of the month for June.

Craig Wilson, it must be noted, was actually player of the week a couple of weeks ago. That'll have to hold you for a while.