We know with total certainty that the best pro sports team in town is the Steelers.
We don't know with any certainty whether the Pirates or the Penguins are the worst.
That being so, here's what is so puzzling.
We also know with total certainty that the best fans in town -- pro, college, high school, Little League -- are those who root for the Penguins. There's no explaining the level of loyalty and dedication Penguins fan have to their team. Suffice to say, it dwarfs the kind of attachment even Steelers fans have for their team.
No question, the Steelers have the largest fan base and generate the most attention. This isn't about size, it's about pure devotion.
Imagine the outpouring of anger and disappointment if the Steelers were at the end of not just their fourth consecutive losing season but their fourth consecutive season in last place.
That's what the Penguins have done. Long before their 6-1 win against the New York Islanders last night, the next-to-last game of the season, the Penguins had clinched last place for the fourth consecutive year in the Atlantic Division.
The Penguins are 22-59. To put that record in perspective, if a baseball team had such a winning percentage it would have 118 losses.
Imagine the way the Pirates would be treated if they had such a record. When the Pirates approach losing just 100 games, they are the subject of intense ridicule from what's left of their fan base. The Penguins long ago surpassed that level of ineptitude, but their fans remain fiercely loyal.
If the Steelers had such a winning percentage they would be 4-12. Imagine what four consecutive years of 4-12 and 5-11 would mean in Pittsburgh. People wouldn't just be clamoring to fire the coach, they'd be demanding the Rooney family sell the team.
The game against the Islanders meant nothing in the standings -- both teams long ago eliminated from playoff contention -- but it still attracted a sellout crowd of 17,084. A standing-room-only crowd for a last-place club would be rare for most teams. Not with the Penguins. It was their 12th sellout and the 21st time they've drawn more than 16,000. They've played to 93 percent capacity and averaged 15,804. Not bad for a team with such a poor record.
The only hint of meaning to the game was the chance for Sidney Crosby to become the youngest player in NHL history to score 100 points. That's nice, but imagine a Steelers rookie having a chance to set a rushing record for first-year players on a team that was 4-12. The public disinterest would be immense.
But these aren't Steelers fans. These are a special breed and when Crosby notched his 100th point, on a second-period assist of a goal by Ryan Malone, Mellon Arena went nuts. It was the kind of celebrating that might accompany, say, the winning of a playoff game, not an otherwise meaningless goal in the 81st game of a miserable season.
Fans were twirling T-shirt giveaways like they were Terrible Towels for a team that was 22-59.
Before the game, the team conducted its annual award ceremony. Needless to say, Crosby carried off the most awards, including MVP and rookie of the year.
Veteran forward John LeClair was called out twice, once as the team's nominee for the league-wide comeback player award and once as winner of the player's player award. LeClair has had a nice season, although maybe not quite up to what people expected. Going into the game he had 22 goals and 27 assists. His plus/minus rating is minus-23. Of the 866 players who skated in the NHL this season, LeClair ranks 854th. A rather dubious distinction, but when his named was called there was nothing but hearty applause.
Imagine a Pirate who was among the league leaders in errors or a Steeler who had a similarly negative statistic being called out in front of the crowd on the final game of the home season. The boos would have cascaded down on those unfortunate athletes.
These fans even accept lack of effort. Countless times coach Michel Therrien has chastised his players for not showing up. Most recently, after a loss 5-4 loss to these same Islanders Saturday, defenseman Ryan Whitney said, "We obviously didn't come to play."
It makes no difference. This is a love affair that never has a hint of turning sour.
With about eight minutes remaining the Penguins opened up a four-goal lead. Such a margin of victory would have sent Pirates and Steelers fans scurrying for the exits. But with postgame prizes in the offing, including the shirts off the Penguins' backs, almost no one left.
Although a monumental traffic jam loomed, these fans didn't mind. They were watching the team they love.