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Denver columnist calls Pittsburgh "one butt-ugly town"
Thursday, January 19, 2006

Bill, remove the blindfold

 
 
 
On the Internet

Read comments about the column on Rocky Talk Live on the Rocky Mountain News Web site

 
 
 

It is more in sorrow than in anger that The Morning File is compelled to review the work of fellow columnist Bill Johnson. Mr. Johnson works for the Rocky Mountain News, a Denver daily, and you might have heard that the Steelers are playing the Broncos there on Sunday. Which is why Mr. Johnson was in our town. His column yesterday carried the headline: "Shot-and-beer Pittsburgh froths at mouth."

Now, right off the bat that's a bit negative, cliched, outdated, but nowhere grievous enough to warrant a penalty flag. Football is a tough game; we can take a hit. Besides, what's a big game without low-level trash talk? So let's hear Mr. Johnson out:

"PITTSBURGH -- Exactly why and how I got here, I still am not certain, but let's roll with it.

"First impression: This is a hard town, filled with hard people who bop around their gun-metal gray burg with nothing but football on their minds.

"Five hours ago, I did not believe it possible to find a town crazier about football than Denver. I could have been wrong about that . . . "

OK, we'll roll with it, though why the man doesn't know why or how he got here is not a good sign. It could be Bill's way of telling his bosses he's not too thrilled with the assignment, but he's going to make the worst of it anyway. And he does:

"I will tell you this, something I would never tell one of the locals. Pittsburgh is one butt-ugly town.

"It is precisely the type of town that would name its professional football team the Steelers. Old mills, long stilled, dot the town. Weeds spill from smokestacks.

"Across the Ohio River from where I write this rises downtown Pittsburgh, as dark and forbidding a skyline as you will ever encounter.

"Just to the north, right on the river, Heinz Field, home of the Steelers, rises almost cathedral-like, a bright-yellow behemoth that casts shadows on all that surrounds it.

"It is, too, a town of bars. I have been here only a short time, but if there is a city block without a bar I haven't driven by it yet. . ."

Mr. Johnson goes on to describe Steelers fans as fanatical crazies, which is indisputable, and you can read the whole column at www.rockymountainnews.com. But does this not sound like a passable description of Pittsburgh 25, 50 years ago? I mean, minus Heinz Field and the apparently relocated Ohio River? Are we sure Bill was actually here? The Morning File is just asking.

In the meantime, we hope for two things: that Pittsburghers behave with more class towards the fine city of Denver and its equally intense fans. And that no Pittsburghers ever find out that Bill Johnson called our city butt-ugly.

Butt-ugly my a**!


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"If Pittsburgh were situated somewhere in the heart of Europe, tourists would eagerly journey hundreds of miles out of their way to visit it. Its setting is spectacular: between high bluffs, where the Monongahela River and the Allegheny River meet to form the Ohio. Driving in from the airport, one gains a first, startling glimpse of the city at the end of a highway tunnel through Mt. Washington: a conventionally pretty rural landscape suddenly gives way to the whole sweep of the city, with its bridges and skyscrapers."

-- Brendan Gill, The New Yorker, Jan. 9, 1989

"This is the only city in America with an entrance. Pittsburgh is entered with glory and drama."

-- Paul Goldberger, The New York Times

"Here we go, bank account. . ."

The Broncos are not going to do what the Indianapolis Colts did. No, I don't mean fail to provide pass protection. They're not going to ask their fans to refrain from scalping their tickets to Steelers fans, the most mobile in the nation. The Broncos won't do it, because they don't think they need to, the Denver Post reports. But money talks. The Post (our favorite of the two Denver papers until further notice) quotes one Boyd Haslam as saying, "I'm a big Bronco fan. But I'm not as much of a Bronco fan as I am a fan of money." Haslam, 48, cashed out on eBay: His two $135 tickets, 11 rows from the field, fetched $1,000 each through the auction Web site. Another fan, Paula Nessmith, 43, sold six $90 tickets for $350 each, turning a $1,560 profit.

Walk softly, Big Stick

From blogger Big Stick, who will soon enter the witness protection program: "I have a confession to make: Despite being a Pittsburgh resident for almost two years, I cannot bring myself to root for the Steelers. This past weekend, I watched Pittsburgh take on the Colts and, while I had no vested interest in the outcome, I couldn't help but find myself pulling for the Colts. . . But don't get me wrong -- I have nothing against the Steelers. It's just that I want the airwaves back. You can't flip through the local radio and television stations without hearing some commentator conversing with a local spectator about the 'Immaculate Tackle' or how the altitude may affect the Steelers who are used to playing at about 600 feet above sea level. The local newscasts spend more time covering last week's highlights and "going live to Mile High, I'm sorry, Invesco Field" than they do covering actual news. Worst, there is a song that some local has recorded that is played over and over, infesting the minds of area residents. I'm thinking that if they lose in Denver, the suffering will be over. I just want to know what is going on in the world. Go Broncos!"

'

The Word

Entry on Blogs4God, for Christian bloggers:

Go Steelers! Panthers not so bad either

"I'd like to thank the Pittsburgh Steelers for the working over they gave the 13-3 Colts, and for the work-out they gave my heart. Granted you had some help with some bizarre officiating blunders, but Bus, please, next time, both hands on the ball. As for the Carolina Panthers -- I'm still warming up to ya now that I live in the same state, though an away victory over 'da Bears in chilly Chicago doesn't hurt.

"Yup, that's what I'm hoping for folks, a Steelers v. Panthers Super Bowl -- that and wearing yellow and gold are sure to get me in, and keep me in trouble. Hey, blame my wife, she's the one from Aliquippa. . .

"Please note, the opinions of this post regarding 'American' football belong solely to the writer of this post and do not reflect the views of the rest of the blogs4God family -- though in this case they should."

First published on January 19, 2006 at 12:00 am
Contact us at pleo@post-gazette.com, 412-263-1112 or Portfolio, Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, 34 Blvd. of the Allies, Pittsburgh, PA 15222.
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