Neato!

To the relief of approximately everybody, the Senate interrogation of Supreme Court nominee Samuel A. Alito Jr. came to an end last week. Did you, the dutiful media consumer, our best hope for a well-informed democracy, tune in? Neither did The Morning File. That's why we have government correspondents. They do the serious journalism, attending subcommittee hearings and interviewing senators and whatnot. The Morning File, meanwhile, gets paid to think up the menu for our Samuel Alito Confirmation Victory Party. Our appetizers would be petite Alito burritos, with refried beans and a curry-cumin salsa. The seafood dish would be Alito bonito, grilled in the Greek style, with garlic, oregano, lemon and olive oil. Served on the side, of course, would be Alito Morabito specialty bread. Snacks? Fritos and Doritos. To finish, the Alito Mojito -- rum, spearmint leaves, lime, club soda and syrup. Our dinner guests will include Danny DeVito and Phil Esposito. Judge Lance Ito is, sadly, indisposed.

Late night

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"Have you folks been watching the Alito Supreme Court hearings? The Democrats are accusing Alito of giving vague answers. He shot back by saying, 'Maybe, maybe not.' " -- David Letterman, CBS's "Late Show With David Letterman."

"The Supreme Court confirmation hearings are under way for Judge Sam Alito. Democrats want to know his position on privacy. Republicans want to know his position on prison terms for bribery." -- Jay Leno, NBC's "The Tonight Show With Jay Leno."

"A lot of Democrats worry Judge Alito may be a threat to the endangered species list. Democrats have been worried about the endangered species list ever since they found they were all on it." -- Jay Leno, NBC's "The Tonight Show With Jay Leno."

"During the senate judicial hearings today Sen. Ted Kennedy mispronounced Judge Alito's name calling him Aley-ito. Sen. Kennedy later apologized saying, 'Forgive me, I am sober.'" -- Conan O'Brien, NBC's "Late Night With Conan O'Brien."

The Alito blog

Does Samuel Alito have a blog? Of course. Everybody has a blog. Your toddler has a blog. Your pet cat has a blog. Your blog? It has a blog, too. It's called the Blog Blog, and it's hilarious. On his blog (which is fake, by the way), Judge Alito says his favorite movies are "The Cider House Rules," "If These Walls Could Talk," "Doctor Zhivago" and "Legally Blonde." He also has some pretty harsh words for Dick Durbin. -- samuelalito.blogspot.com

But he cleans up nice

The New York Times, in assessing Judge Alito's chances, quoted a supporter of Mr. Alito about the judge's everyman appearance: ''He will have a couple hairs out of place ... I'm not sure his glasses fit his facial features. He might not wear the right color tie. He won't be tanned. He will look like he is from New Jersey, because he is. That is a very useful look, because it is a natural look."

We understand the Jersey look is very hot in Milan right now.

Can I say something?

If you were one of the few who tuned into the confirmation hearings, hoping to hear from Judge Alito, you were probably disappointed. That's because the senators asking the questions wouldn't shut their yaps for more than two seconds. Howard Kurtz from the Washingon Post: "Well, it's finally happened. The Judiciary Committee hearing is now totally about the senators." And from anklebitingpundits.com: "Senators from both parties were not interested in the nominee's views on matters as much as they were in love with the sound of their own voice." You want proof? The anklebiters performed what they alleged to be an honest statistical analysis of every word spoken during the Tuesday committee hearing, comparing the percentage of words spoken by each senator against the number of words spoken by the nominee.

The king of the bloviators was Democratic Sen. Joe Biden, who got in nearly four words for every one spoken by Judge Alito (78 percent to 22 percent). Democrats Chuck Schumer (75-25), Ted Kennedy (69-31), Pat Leahy (60-40), and Russ Feingold (56-44) fared progressively better. Republican Mike DeWine (72-28) was the worst offender on the GOP side, followed by Sens. Lindsey Graham (65-35), Jeff Sessions (61-39), John Cornyn (56-44), Orrin Hatch (54-46), Jon Kyl (53-47), Chuck Grassley ( 51-49) and Arlen Specter, who tied Judge Alito percentage-wise at 50-50, but edged out a last-minute the victory, 2,232 words to 2,194. The only senators who permitted Judge Alito to speak more than they did were Democrats Diane Feinstein (42-58) and Herb Kohl (37-63).