Knee-jerk surgery, cost of a cookie, obscenity, a carpet jingle and tonsils.

What do they have in common? Not much, except they are all on my mind today.

A new year has begun, but these are things I've been wanting to share, strange as the combination of thoughts might seem.

Barbara Russell is one of Pittsburgh's favorite comedians, and she is also possibly the funniest woman I know in relating life's experiences, especially experiences that aren't particularly humorous to most people.

She could do a comedy routine just about her recent knee surgery.

First of all, it was performed on Halloween. She arrived at the hospital with six pairs of monster teeth from a dollar store. She presented one pair to her surgeon, Dr. Anthony DiGioia, who later apologized for not wearing them during the surgery.

Laughs were heard often coming from her room, especially when she had her pain meds. She's doing well, although some days she would dispute that, and she thinks her next health crisis, after devouring all the food her friends brought, will be stomach stapling.

"One of Tony's [she says he is the Handsome Prince of West Penn] physician assistants told me that soon they expect the operation to be as an outpatient. Yikes! What's next, drive-through? 'I'd like one knee, one hip and an order of fries to go.'"

With her discharge papers, she said, she got a box shaped like a McDonald's Happy Meal with an apple, bottled water and a cookie, "in case you have a long drive home."

"Next visit I'm going to ask for a flask of scotch for the long drive home."

As late as December she was still grimacing somewhat with pain on bad days, but she always makes others laugh. Recently she lost both her parents within weeks of each other, but she remains upbeat. Before longtime partner Don Brockett died, she was the other half of the Brockett and Barbara comedy routines. She has never lost her sense of humor, even when she's hurting.

Cost of a cookie. Call this a gripe if you must, but can you believe $1.50? I often stop at the counter on Kaufmann's mezzanine, Downtown, to get a cookie to munch on while waiting for my bus. The much larger cookies before these new smaller ones were $1, and then $1.20 -- still outrageous. Prantl's in Shadyside has a darned good cookie for 35 cents.

Obscenity is in the eye of the beholder, but Celebrity Gift Bags given to award presenters at red carpet events seem to be just that. Goodies in those bags are valued as high as $20,000 and, of course, given to men and women who can afford every item in the bag. It's wrong!

Equally obscene, but very popular, is the favored ticket for Oprah's program on her favorite holiday gifts. This gets me steamed every year, probably because I'm not in the audience! Everyone in the audience gets one of everything she favors, and they're not inexpensive. At least this year she had heroic volunteers from Hurricane Katrina as her audience. So, for 2005 I forgive her.

Sound familiar? Obviously it wasn't copyrighted by Wilkins' Jewelry when it was the store's theme song in advertising years ago (Wilkins Amateur Hour): "Easy credit, easy credit. Wilkins is the place where you can get it." It is the same tune Prizant's now uses in its flooring commercials. Memorable must be the magic word in advertising because it's one of the few jingles I have remembered all these years. The other is "I feed my doggie Thri-Vo, he's very much alive-o, full of pep and vim. If you want a peppy pup, then you'd better hurry up, buy Thri-Vo for him." I can't remember where I park my car, but I remember those words.

I recently read that a tonsillectomy might soon be a thing of the past for most children, although surgery will still be necessary when tonsils and adenoids are enlarged and interfere with breathing, or cause loud snoring or sleep apnea. But it won't be routine as it was when I was young. I remember begging to go with my older sister when she was to have her tonsils removed, as if she were being favored. So my parents allowed me to go along and keep her company. I just thought I'd be there to help her eat ice cream after the surgery. As it turned out, they took me into the operating room first. We both recovered just fine. Avoiding unnecessary surgery, even tonsils, makes perfect sense today, but I found it a pleasant memory.