With another earnest year of campaigning against lazy language and reflexive cliche-spewing about to go Right Down The Toilet, we welcome you with all traditional reluctance to this, the 22nd annual Trite Trophy Awards, which have been Unable To Close The Deal on naming rights.

	Post-Gazette Click illustration for larger image.

What we wouldn't give to present something like the Verizon Trite Trophy just once. Well, we wouldn't give anything. Presumably, Verizon would give us something. I think that's how it works. Of course, we Wouldn't Come Cheap, or would we? Yes, we would. We'd do it if they'd just waive our roaming charges, or something, like they did for the buffaloes. That's right. For a long time, buffaloes didn't have cell phones. Couldn't pay the roaming charges.

Tip Your Waitresses and Buckle Up, because the worst sports cliche of 2005 isn't going to dishonor itself. As Bill Cowher would say, we're "tinkering on the edge" of history here, so obviously, Somebody's Gotta Step Up, somebody who's On A Mission to Make A Statement, somebody with Great Ball Skills (translation: he can catch), who won't Put It On The Ground, who Knows His Role, which is to bring this sentence to a close before it swerves dangerously toward making sense.

There, that's better. A Late Rally for the uncoveted and unawaited Trite Trophy played out this week as the Steelers Got Their Game Face On for today's Key Interconference Clash with Minnesota Vikings On Boats With Booze And Hookers.

So many people invoked the swagger cliche this week, you couldn't Swing A Dead Cat without hitting someone with swagger on their lips. The Steelers headed for Minneapolis having Gotten Their Swagger Back, the much preferred condition to having Lost Their Swagger.

Past Trite Trophy Winners 2004 Shutdown Corner 2003 Cover Two 2002 Running Downhill 2001 Put Points On The Scoreboard 2000 Walk-Off Homer 1999 Somebody's Gotta Step Up 1998 Eight Men In The Box 1997 Show Me The Money 1996 Been There, Done That 1995 West Coast Offense 1994 Red Zone 1993 It Hasn't Sunk In Yet 1992 Mentality Of A Linebacker 1991 You Don't Have To Be A Rocket Scientist 1990 Smashmouth Football 1989 He Coughs It Up 1988 They Went To The Well Once Too Often 1987 Crunch Time 1986 Gut Check 1985 He's A Throwback 1984 Playing 'em One Game At A Time

But swagger Came Up Short with this Eleventh Hour Bid, though I Think We All Learned A Valuable Lesson about swagger. You've either got it or you don't. No one's ever down a quart of swagger. No need for anyone to be carrying around a digitized swaggometer. It's All Or Nothing. Never pack your swagger in checked luggage, which is the leading cause of lost swagger.

Live From The News Room of lavishly furnished Trite Hindquarters, one of the stories we're working on continues to be the decision this week by the Penguins to Go In A Different Direction, even if it's, you know, toward Kansas City. The actual reality vehicle Death March of the Penguins is largely a production of their inability to Work 'Ard, Eh? In The Room, which is what hockey players cleverly call the locker room, the saying used to be "20 Guys For 60 Minutes," or just as commonly, "No Passengers." This was supposed to mean no one was just along for the ride. Apparently there's a sign on the door to the Pens' room, and it reads Passengers Only Beyond This Point.

By refreshing contrast, your state football champion McKeesport Tigers recovered from a Convincing Early Season Loss to North Hills to become The Team Nobody Wants To Play. The Penguins are The Team Everybody Wants To Play, unless that's the Duquesne Dukes, although they're probably The Team Even Arkansas-Pine Bluff Wants To Play.

Though it might not be traceable directly to the 2005 baseball season, this was the year the pitcher's control, not to mention his Control Problems, irredeemably gave way to references to his command. He Has No Command Of His Pitches. Command? When I watch Oliver Perez walk three guys on 13 pitches, I think of only one command: Sit!

Pitching seemed to get a lot less complicated in 2005. The pitcher was either Pounding The Zone or he was Elevating His Pitches, though on some occasions he was Making Mistakes In The Strike Zone, and that was particularly troublesome if he was Working From Behind.

Hitting, On The Other Hand, got more complicated. Hitters Just Trying To Make Contact instead fretted about Getting The Bat Head Through The Zone.

	Evan Vucci, Associated Press The curse of the "pool hose"? Uh ... well ... Click photo for larger image.

Once, while chasing a flying, swooping, formerly attic-dwelling bat with a whiffle-ball bat through my parents' bedroom, I was just trying to get the hitting zone through the bat's head. But when they awakened in a fine rage, I said only that I was just trying to make contact.

One other disturbing construction became a full-blown cliche this season, which failed to escape the Good Eye of longtime Trite correspondent Glenn Meister.

"I really hated that the left and right fielders are now being called 'corner outfielders,' " Meister e-mailed the Trite Committee (me). "And after watching the likes of Craig Wilson, Michael Restovich and Matt Lawton wandering about in right field, it's my contention that the Pirates could use a Shutdown Corner Outfielder."

Shutdown Corner, almost no one will remember, walked off with the 2004 Trite Trophy for worst sports cliche, as every football team with questionable cornerbacks was looking for a Shutdown Corner, or better, a Lockdown Corner to supplant a Meltdown Corner.

At Any Rate, this is the point in the show when we diminish some little bursts of goofy language that, while not actually cliches, were just too stupid to be permitted to disappear without a slap.

We all say some stupid things, and occasionally, they're true, such as when NFL analyst Lincoln Kennedy squawked through my radio in October, "It would not be uninconceivable for the Ravens to get shut out at Pittsburgh." That was true. It was not uninconceivable, if only because nothing ever was, ever is, or ever will be uninconceivable.

A Tip Of The Cap also to Dolphins coach Nick Saban for a big slice of dumb in 2005, in which he advised Miami fans upon taking the job that, "We'll have a busy few months coming up. Let me just say this: We will make haste slowly when it comes to making decisions."

Uh-huh. Slow down with that hurryin' up over there!

Mark May, former Pitt standout and network football gabber, said this fall, "That Dallas offensive line isn't getting any older." Really. Now that's a story.

Forced to pick my favorite malaprop of the year though, I couldn't distinguish between Randy Johnson's "Any time I've taken the mound, it's always been the old Samson-and-Goliath story written about me," and the transcription of an anonymous Major League Baseball operative during the World Series, in which an Astros' pitcher in the interview room referred to The Curse of the (Albert) Pujols (who nearly homered the Cardinals back into the NLCS). On the transcript, The Curse of the Pujols came out, "the curse of the pool hose."

Yes, that damned pool hose. I'm always tripping over it! As for Randy Johnson's complaint, I admit to liking Samson with the points a lot better than David in the old David and Goliath story, although they certainly were two biblical figures Who Don't Like Each Other.

Now, a very special moment in Trite History is upon us. For the first time since we've been handing out the Mixologist Medal to the sports figure who slings cliches so arbitrarily that he sometimes starts one cliche but ends another (who can forget Jerome Bettis' pot of gold at the end of the tunnel or former Eagles coach Joe Kuharich's nail that broke the coffin's back?), we are awarding the Double M to the same player two years in a row. The Mixologist Medal's Archie Griffin, Steelers linebacker Larry Foote.

Foote took it last year for his word on defensive coordinator Dick LeBeau ("It's a chess match out there, and he's always ahead of the eight ball") and wins again in '05 for urging his teammates to end a three-game losing streak by saying, "We've got to nip that in the butt."

And boy, did that serve as a real kick in the bud.

Our runner-up was ex-Pitt coach Walt Harris, who noted in a post-game session, "Hindsight is 50-50."

Now before we introduce our finalists for the 2005 Trite (the anticipation is just sick, isn't it?), some notice for constructions that have had a Career Year, but were ultimately deemed not quite annoying enough for immortality, such as Sports Hernia. There was an outbreak of these things this year, implying a kind of strain on the system that only sports triggers, and come to think of it, the length of this essay is giving me a bit of a journalism hernia, so let's make haste a little less slowly maybe.

There was an awful lot of Blitzing Off The Edge again this year as defenses tried to Get A Hat On A Hat, enabling their Shutdown Corner to Jump The Route. Occasionally, this strategy was foiled by a running back who Cut Back Against the Grain. Does anyone ever say a running back is running with the grain? Even running with the grain, the running back will occasionally Bounce It Outside, which is confusing because it's what your mother originally coined as a basketball cliche. "Hey, I told you, bounce it outside!"

Lady Luck again had a huge year, almost to the point where I wish she had some relative who could Pick Up The Slack once in awhile. Is there a Lord Happenstance maybe?

Similarly, a hugely maddening performance got authored by those First Commandment-breaking false gods of the sports world -- The Baseball Gods, The Football Gods, The Hockey Gods, and, in one USA Hooray story at the start of the college football season, The Kicking Gods. That's really Pushing The Envelope, isn't it? If there are kicking gods, it figures there are long-snapping gods, with whom I presume former Steelers long-snapper Mike Schneck fell out of favor and wound up in Buffalo. Of course, that may have been in the purview of the Salary Cap Gods.

Congratulations again to all our contestants for the 2005 Trite, many of whom are in our live audience, so please stand and be recognized: A Team To Be Reckoned With (all right, let's get to reckonin'), Ice Water In The Veins, Shot Ourselves In The Foot, Get On The Same Page, A Nose For The Football, Under The Radar, Put Points On The Scoreboard, He Lost His Footing, He Brings A Lot To The Table, He's Got A High Ceiling (good thing, he's 6 feet 9), He's A Product Of The System, The Rain Continues To Fall (yes, that's the definition. If it ain't fallin', it's freaking clouds), An Emotional Roller-Coaster, Statement Game, Ball Security, Let The Game Come To Me, Peaking Too Early (every team that doesn't win the Super Bowl peaked too early), He's A Difference-Maker, That's Gonna Leave A Mark, He'll Feel That Tomorrow (what about today? Does he wake up tomorrow and go, 'Whoa, somethin' must have happened to me yesterday?), Excellent Blocking At The Point Of Attack, A Buck 43 (means 143 yards, used to mean a minute, 43 seconds. Don't ask), Exorcise The Demons, He's A Warrior (no, Pat Tillman was a warrior. This guy's a nickel back.), This Puts It All In Perspective, Establish The Run, They're A Good Football Team, Sitting In The Hole, A Total Team Effort, Maybe A Yard, Shy Of The First Down, Taking The Mound (where?), Taking The Field (where?), Taking The Ice (where?), Taking It To The House (what house?), Game Time Decision (what's the hurry, why not a halftime decision?), Bowl Implications, Major Bowl Implications, Minor Bowl Implications, Cereal Bowl Implications, They're Very Physical (well good, this ain't Jeopardy) and Dance With Who Brung Ya.

But without further beef stew, our finalists for the 2005 Trite Trophy, and yes, We Knew It Was Gonna Be A Dogfight. (Please turn off all cell phones and pagers -- no flash photography).

Our third runner-up: Are You Kiddin' Me?

Are you kiddin' me about how many broadcasters are screaming Are You Kiddin' Me?? Must every third highlight be accompanied with an Are You Kiddin' Me?? Will you shut up? They're not kidding you. They're athletes, in uniform, in sold-out arenas and stadiums; they're serious. They're not kidding. Are you kiddin' me?

Our second runner-up: Trap Game.

Exploded all over broadcast, print and cyberspace in 2005. It's supposed to mean a game on somebody's schedule that looks like a win but might "trap" somebody into Taking 'em Lightly when they should obviously Take 'em Heavily. Let's shut our traps on Trap Game.

Our first runner-up: Manage The Game.

Quarterbacks with unspectacular skills are now said to Manage The Game well enough to win, but you have to win to have Managed The Game Well. Otherwise, you Mismanaged The Game, or more likely, Screwed It Up Big Time, which might not be a cliche yet but ought to be.

And now (please don't rush the stage), our Trite Trophy honoree as the worst sports cliche of 2005 ...

IT IS WHAT IT IS.

What can we say? It is what it is.

More sports people in more varied situations and indeed more people across the culture said "it is what it is" this year than any other utterance, Or Is That Just Me? When It Is What It Is goes into the pantheon of Trite Trophy winners, it will have many sponsors, none of whom will have explained what is what it is, or even it is what what is. It's complete nonsense, that's what it is. It's literal meaning is, "I don't know what to say, so I'm going with this." It's possible that it is what is it is is an adaptation from a Latin phrase meaning, "let the thing be itself," but just to be clear, this column never defers to Latin, finds it pretentious and besides, we've never even been to Latin America.

No less august a communicator than Tim Russert of NBC's "Meet The Press," asked about the involvement of media figures in the CIA leak story, said, "We hate being in the middle of what we're reporting, but it is what it is."

The man who clinched the Trite for IIWII was likely Todd Bertuzzi, who was asked what it was like to return to the torrent of abuse he got in Denver after likely ending the career of Avalanche player Steve Moore with a landmark gooning incident two years ago.

"It is what it is," he said. Pressed with a follow-up question, he shrugged and said, "It is what it is." A third attempt brought this, "It is what is it."

The first hat trick of it is what it izzes.

Hey, you've been great. Drive safely, and remember, The Play Fake Freezes The Linebackers, And Occasionally Ike Taylor.