As Dave Barry would say: I am not making this up.

Todd Hollis is a Pittsburgh lawyer who decided some time back that it would be cool to compete in an Ironman Triathlon event. Hollis, 37, had donated one of his kidneys to his mother, Judith Tobias of Wilkinsburg, in May 2004, but that wasn't the biggest obstacle to his training.

Hollis, a former wrestler, didn't know how to swim.

Action Sports International Todd Hollis, a Pittsburgh lawyer, runs the marathon leg of the Ironman Triathlon. Click photo for larger image.

"When he told me about the Ironman thing, at first I thought it was a weightlifting event," said Kim Wood, his girlfriend. "We laughed about it. I thought he was kidding."

No, he wasn't: "As a kid, I wasn't the greatest disciplinarian, and, many times, I started things and never saw them through. This was an opportunity for me," said Hollis, who graduated from Allderdice High School.

A quick, painful reminder: full-length Ironman events comprise a 2.4-mile swim and a 112-mile bike ride, topped off by a standard, 26.2-mile marathon. But Hollis said he didn't think that far ahead; who needs to worry about doing well in the dry-land portion when you've never set foot in the ocean?

He did the logical thing -- he signed up for swim lessons.

"For the first month, I just sank. I started with flippers, I started off with the little kids," said Hollis, who lost 50 pounds in the process of training for the Ironman.

Beginning in March, he would leave work around 6 p.m. and spend a few hours taking swim classes at the YMCA of Greater Pittsburgh on the Boulevard of the Allies.

"Because of my body composition, it was a little hard to float," said Hollis, who is 6 feet 2, 190 pounds. "But I had two excellent swimming instructors who were very patient with me."

Hollis survived the Ironman swim -- "I took a lot of gulps of saltwater, to be honest" -- and was surprised when he wasn't completely at the back of the pack.

Most participants in the 18 full Ironman events held throughout the world each year are veterans of longer races or shorter "Olympic-length" triathlons. Hollis competed in one shorter event in Ontario, N.Y., this summer.

Hollis, who was involved in a high-profile trial in October, viewed the challenge as a mind-over-matter event: "It was like a spiritual kind of undertaking. Doing a triathlon is more than just saying I want to run, bike and swim."

Training with just one kidney, he said, wasn't a major concern.

"My doctors told me I had to stay hydrated, which I did. I drank every 10, 15 minutes [in the race] and I took food with me."

But there were complications nonetheless. His mother and girlfriend made the trip to Panama City Beach, Fla., for the Nov. 5 event, but his bicycle, as of check-in time the day before, did not. He was granted an extension by event officials, in part because he was at a local emergency room after his mother developed an infection.

It turned out to be a minor illness, but transplant recipients must treat all fevers seriously.

Tobias did not attend the race, but caught the end of her son's run.

"When he was coming in for the last 13 miles -- it was a double-loop course -- I could see he was hurting really bad. But I called his mother, and she was able to come over and see him," Wood said.

His total time: 16 hours, 17 minutes and 29 seconds. Hollis placed 1,873rd out of 2,400 starters, 339th among 353 starters in his age group.

"I don't think I really grasped what the Ironman was about until I got there," he said. "When I saw 2,400 people from all over the world ... still, I fell back on my training and I just worked within myself.

"I didn't try to out-do anyone else."

Championship performances

Notre Dame senior Stephanie Madia (North Allegheny) ran a 19:48 for 6K to place third at the NCAA women's Division I championship in Terre Haute, Ind., Monday. On the men's side, Penn State junior Dan Mazzocco (Baldwin High School, 43rd, 30:23 for 10K) and William & Mary sophomore Ian Fitzgerald (72nd, 30:44, North Hills High School) were the area's top finishers.

McGuffey High School graduate Jeff Weiss won PIAA titles in cross country and track last year, dominating the competition. He had his pick among Division I college offers, but chose to stay closer to home because he felt more comfortable at Slippery Rock University.

The Rock is happy to have him. Weiss ran 31:18.2 for 10K in Pomona, Calif., Saturday, placing third at the NCAA Division II championships.

In Division III at Ohio Wesleyan the same day, Carnegie-Mellon's Dana Irrer and Nick End were fifth and 50th. Grove City's Elisa Pedersen became an All-American for the second time with a 27th-place showing among women, and Greenville grad Jed Christiansen was the second runner for Michigan's Calvin College, 34th overall. Calvin placed second in the team running.

More Christiansens

Success follows this family, step for step. Although church pastor Joshua Christiansen moved his family from Greenville, Mercer County, to Manchester, , N.H., to accept a new mission this past summer, the kids are still winning races.

Late last month, Job Christiansen, a freshman at Mascenic Regional, won the New Hampshire Interscholastic Athletic Association championship for his school's division. Brother Jake, a junior, was third. Mascenic easily won the team title.

The previous week, little sister Jacy, a seventh-grader, won the junior-high state title.