Cutting-edge parking meters

You know the old saying: Build a better parking meter, and municipal officials the world over will beat a path to your door. As with public bathroom technology, which The Morning File closely monitors, Europe is ahead of us. Most of our nation's 5 million meters are still those single-space models mounted on posts, an American invention of 1935. But the Los Angeles Times reports some experimenting in car-crazy California.

Newport Beach has tried meters with sensors to keep motorists from continually feeding meters and hogging beach parking spaces. Pacific Grove, another coastal resort town, has meters programmed for a sliding scale of fees, from a few cents for quick errands to several dollars for longer stays. A wire grid in the pavement triggers a sensor when a car pulls in. When it pulls away, the meter resets to zero, so there's no glomming on to the other person's unused minutes.

In West Hollywood, you can pay by credit card, which is not unique. But here's the high-tech wrinkle: If the meter is about to expire, you can get a text-message warning on your cell phone. You can then use the cell to electronically deposit more money from any distance, which can come in handy if you fly off to Borneo on a whim or if your car is about to be towed.

In the 1967 film "Cool Hand Luke," Paul Newman's character is arrested for attempted parking meter theft. His defense: "Small town, not much to do in the evenin'. "

"Don't follow leaders watch the parking meters." -- Bob Dylan

Holy escalation!

Patron saints are a dime a holy dozen, but, as you might have heard, the Russian Orthodox Church is breaking new ground (and we hope nothing else) with a patron saint of nuclear-armed, long-distance Russian bombers. The honor goes to Admiral Fyodor Ushakov, a hero of Russia's wars against Turkey and Napoleon, Russia's RIA Novosti news agency said. Ushakov's canonization (for miraculous cannon use?) as a saint last year follows a strong tradition in Russia of close relations between the Orthodox Church and the state, revived after the 1991 collapse of the Soviet Union.

Blogger Eric Siegmund of Midland, Texas: "I'm at a loss for a comment here, other than to say that I think I hear Saint Reagan snickering in the background."

Admiral in the news II

From the AP
• Man Buys Smoker, Finds Human Leg Inside • Coach Stops Runaway Horse by Biting Ear • Man Allegedly Tries to Use 'Blurry' $100 • Police Break Up Brawl at Chuck E. Cheese • Suggestive Card Ruffles Farmer's Feathers • Nerds to Auction Themselves to Women • Toilet to Tap? San Jose Probes Plan • Seattle to Allow Pygmy Goats As Pets • Yankees Rookies Dress Up in Oz Costumes

Always wear clean underwear in case you die in battle. We're quite sure Mrs. Nelson gave her son that advice, and look how it's paying off two centuries later. Adm. Horatio Nelson's one-sleeved undershirt will be auctioned off for big money in London, along with other relics. The occasion is the 200th anniversary of the Battle of Trafalgar, which made him a national hero and cost Nelson his life but got him a spot with good sightlines in London's Trafalgar Square. One sleeve? Nelson had only one arm. The beige undershirt has an "N" embroidered inside the neck. (You were expecting, "I won the Battle of Trafalgar, and all I got was this lousy undershirt!") It is expected to get between $500,000 and $900,000 at Wednesday's auction. "Anyone who beats the French usually goes down well," Sotheby's Michael Grist told Reuters.

New Orleans heart-warmer

Rosemary Phillips, who lives in the Algiers neighborhood of New Orleans, stayed in her home through Katrina. As she was watching the crowds heading to the ferry for evacuation, she noticed a lady being followed by a puppy. "Now this woman didn't like the dog, and she kept trying to shoo it away," Rosemary explained to a BBC reporter, "and I thought to myself 'How mean can you be, don't you have a heart at all?'" So Rosemary told the lady she'd take the dog, who became "Blondie." The Humane Society offered to take Blondie off Rosemary's hands, but her answer was, No way. "We sit on the porch together and eat ice cream," she said, "and I just love her."

Animal item II

Everyone knows that squirrels, when they're not gorging on nuts and acorns, are burying them for those cold lean months ahead. But a team of researchers in Toronto found that, contrary to popular belief, the squirrels doing the burying aren't necessarily the ones that dig them up later. Apparently it's a nut free-for-all out there, though there always seems to be enough to go around. Gray squirrels have a keen sense of smell and find buried treasure that way -- not through memory. They can sniff a nut through 12 inches of snow. Because squirrels find only a portion of the buried nuts or acorns, they are instrumental in "planting" new trees each year.

It needs said: Yinz got that right

Hedley Burrell and David E. Drew in the Christian Science Monitor: "People certainly need structure, predictability and a stable environment where they can count on seeing friends and neighbors. So what does the future hold? Will our transience and the sameness and sprawl of communities kill our sense of place? As we deal with our rootlessness, we can perhaps take heart from the fact that many past predictions have failed to materialize. It was said, for example, that movies and broadcasting would eliminate regional accents. No way."

Note to the readers

As you may have noticed, the Post-Gazette goes to a new policy for courtesy titles with today's editions. Before, you pretty much had to be dead to get a Mr., Mrs. or Ms. in front of your name. No more. So, for example, Mr. T will no longer have to wait until he dies to become Mr. Mr. T. Also, honorifics such as Dr. can be used to recognize people who, say, in the face of a tight job market, treaded water by getting a doctorate. But the Morning File, with its breezier tone, will take a more informal approach. For example, we will be referred to simply as the Right Honorable Dr. Morning File, aka Your Eminence, or Very Reverend Morning File with an M.A. in Parking Meter studies.