Tasteless

Radio disc jockeys, like The Morning File, are not nearly as funny as they'd hope. Physiologists, in fact, have discovered that many radio DJs lack a key brain part, located in the temporal lobe, called the humor sieve, a speech processing center that filters out poorly timed jokes. For example, while normal humans would refrain from making lowbrow Hurricane Katrina jokes for at least a few more weeks, radio DJs, because of their unfortunate brain malformation, are already doing so. Chicago's Steve Dahl, whose afternoon show broadcasts on WCKG-FM (105.9), mused on air about "creating a drink inspired by reports of floating corpses in New Orleans," says the Chicago Sun-Times. His Hurricane Katrina cocktail would have "Creme de Cacao, Kahlua, some rum, maybe a little cream and a floating Chocolate Baby," he later said on his Web site. (Chocolate Babies are tiny chocolate candies shaped like a baby). If any computer hackers out there know how to disable a Web site -- not that the Morning File condones that sort of thing! -- Dahl's is at www.dahl.com. The e-mail address is heywhatsup@dahl.com.

Dark humor

Dahl, of course, is not the only offender. There were jokes about the Challenger space shuttle disaster and the World Trade Center attacks, so it probably comes as no surprise that these Katrina jokes are already starting to surface. Argus Hamilton, the comedian and columnist, managed to offend the entire city of New Orleans as well as much of Alabama with this joke about Katrina and the Alabama teen last seen in Aruba, Natalee Holloway: "Hurricane Katrina walloped the Gulf Coast with great force Monday. The storm blew in from the Caribbean carrying everything with it. The good news is that a half-dozen missing blondes have arrived back home on American soil, safe and sound." He's got a million of them, people.

Humor's all about timing

Regardless of your political affiliation, we can all probably agree that the president was wise to pursue politics instead of stand-up comedy. President Bush, visiting Mobile, Ala., offered this jewel as he sought to remind Gulf Coast residents that the devastated area will be rebuilt, with time: "Out of the rubbles of Trent Lott's house -- he's lost his entire house -- there's going to be a fantastic house. And I'm looking forward to sitting on the porch." The Morning File can only imagine how comforting this must have been to the homeless masses. (Mississippi Sen. Trent Lott lost his Pascagoula, Miss., home when it was destroyed by floods.)

Actually, he wasn't joking

Philadelphia street evangelist Michael Marcavage blames Hurricane Katrina, partly, on the homosexuals who were about to gather in New Orleans for an annual festival: "Just days before Southern Decadence, an annual homosexual celebration attracting tens of thousands of people to the French Quarters section of New Orleans, Hurricane Katrina destroys the city," his Web site, www.repentamerica.com, says. "Although the loss of lives is deeply saddening, this act of God destroyed a wicked city." He also notes that "Louisiana had a total of ten abortion clinics with half of them operating in New Orleans."

Wasn't joking, Part II

Ovadia Yosef, an influential Israeli rabbi, said in a sermon this week that Hurricane Katrina was God's way of punishing America for President Bush's support of Israel's Gaza Strip pullout. The hurricane "was God's retribution -- God does not short-change anyone," several Middle Eastern news agencies reported. "Hundreds of thousands remained homeless. Tens of thousands have been killed. All of this because they have no God," he said. Apparently Yosef didn't get the memo that New Orleans abortion clinics are to blame.

Wasn't joking, Part III

Scott Stevens, a meteorologist in Pocatello, Idaho, claims Japanese gangsters known as the Yakuza caused Katrina. According to quirky news service Flashnews.com, Stevens determined this after looking at NASA satellite photos. Katrina, he says, was caused by electromagnetic generators from ground-based microwave transmitters. Stevens says the clouds formed by the generators are different from normal clouds and are able to appear out of nowhere. The Russians invented the storm-creating technology in 1976, he says, and sold it in the late 1980s to at least 10 nations and organizations. Why would the Yakuza do it? To make a fortune in the futures market and get even with the United States for bombing Hiroshima.

Don't try this at home

If you have learned anything today (and you really should have, as The Morning File is professor emeritus at the Research Institute for Humor Sciences), it ought to be that comedy should be left to trained professionals. This is why Dave Letterman gets paid a bazillion dollars a year, and you don't. Comedy, if it is to draw yuks yet remain sufficiently inoffensive, is all about toeing the line but never crossing it.

Observe:

"While everybody else is busy setting up commissions and finding fault, through the president's leadership, he'll end up building a billion-dollar dam in Arkansas ... His plan will be to fight the water there so we don't have to fight it here." -- Ed Helms, Comedy Central's "The Daily Show."

"A week later, President Bush said his administration's response to Katrina was unacceptable. Then he said 'Hey, don't blame me, I was on vacation.' " -- Jay Leno, NBC's "The Tonight Show With Jay Leno."

"Celine Dion criticized President Bush for the slow evacuation of New Orleans. Yeah, Celine said, 'I could have driven everyone out of that city in two songs.' " -- Conan O'Brien, NBC's "Late Night With Conan O'Brien."

"Welcome to the Late Show. I am so glad you people are here, because last night what an awful audience, oh, my God. Remember those people? What a horrible audience, and I hate talking about people when they're not here, but God, I thought it was the Bush administration, because [they] were so slow to respond." -- David Letterman, CBS's "Late Show With David Letterman."