Please, not Macy's clock

	Alyssa Cwanger, Post-Gazette The four generations of the Henke family stand under the Kaufmann's clock Friday afternoon. They get together every year from Washington state, California, Ohio, Texas, Minnesota, Oregon, Florida and Pennsylvania. Click photo for larger image.

Many Pittsburghers are brought low by the thought of one more landmark, one more tradition lost to the bloodless mergers-and-acquisitions economy. But the Henke clan, with roots in Baldwin, decided to celebrate, rather than mourn, during its annual reunion. And so late one recent afternoon, they gathered under Kaufmann's clock, 70 strong in yellow shirts, representing four generations from all parts of the country. The clock, which dominates the corner of Fifth and Smithfield, has been a Downtown rendezvous for lovers and a landmark for the lost since 1913. "It means a lot to us, particularly the older ones," said one of the revelers, Debbie Komlenic of Pittsburgh's Lincoln Place neighborhood. It will officially become a Macy's store within the next few months, but for many it will always be Kaufmann's clock.

Kiss my . . .

One of the most famous non-meetings under Kaufmann's clock failed to occur in 1983, when City Council was more entertaining. Councilwoman Michelle Madoff invited sparring partner Council President Eugene "Jeep" DePasquale to meet her under Downtown's best-known timepiece, but it was more an invitation to perform a humiliating act than a rendezvous filled with sweet nothings. For Pittsburghers of a certain age, the suggestion, "Meet me under Kaufmann's clock," uttered with hostility, translates succinctly as, "Kiss my [rhymes with Etna bypass]."

What a %#$@*&^ country!

From the AP
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Because this is a family newspaper -- and if you're alone and single, we'll have to ask you to leave right now -- certain bad words, such as &%&*, @$$%#&# or even $^*%, are forbidden. Now comes word that Canada the Good is leaving us in the dust. The newest edition of the venerable editors' handbook, The Canadian Press Caps and Spelling, came out Monday. And there, tucked in between FTP and Fudgsicle, was the word that cannot be printed here, gosh darn it. Having dared to include it, the guidebook immediately says don't use the word -- unless it adds a valuable news element to a story. And spell it out. No f and three asterisks. No "f-word." No freakings or friggings, even.

The reason for the cave-in: The word is routinely used and overused -- in life, movies and on cable TV. "Daily journalism is very quick to reflect the way people use language, especially when it comes to slang," the handbook editor said. "There was a time when the expression "[The Morning File can't say it, but it rhymes with ducks]" would have been considered vulgar; now you see it everywhere."

Addiction I

More than 100 million Chinese, when they are not building the country's economic juggernaut, are online, many apparently too much. This year, the Beijing Military Hospital set up a clinic for young people who have dropped out of school because of internet obsession. So far, about 400 patients have been seen; about 80 per cent are addicted to games, 10 per cent to chat rooms, 5 per cent go online to gamble and 5 per cent are obsessive, according to Tyhe Australian newspaper. China is cracking down on online games, requiring that all get official approval. Most addicts have behavioral problems that are aggravated by their internet addiction. The clinic claims a 70 percent success rate. We hope the patients are not merely bloggers who make fun of the government.

Addiction II

Really, what isn't an addiction these days? Researchers at the University of Texas have concluded that people who are well aware of skin cancer risks and still compulsively use tanning beds, may be suffering from an addiction similar to alcoholism. So, if you use a tanning bed, lie down responsibly, and don't tan and drive. But, seriously, folks. We found this report in The Scotsman, which worries about sun-starved Scotland's fondness for tanning. Apparently, Glasgow is a hotbed of tanning beds. The researchers noted parallels to more familiar addictions, for example, binge tanning sessions and compulsive behavior described as "tanorexia." They said 26 per cent of those interviewed could be classed as "ultraviolet light tanning dependent." The number of adolescents diagnosed with malignant melanoma has tripled in the United Kingdom in the past 25 years, and Scotland wants a minimum age of 18 for using tanning salons. Dermatologists estimate that 20 minutes on a tanning bed can be the same as about four hours in the sun.

A Ward of the Steelers

From Bill Kennedy of Latrobe: Now that he's back and campaigning to be A Steeler For Life, he should be honored by one of the community's institutes of higher health care costs with a patient floor in his name, backed by the sponsor of the Steelers Stadium. It would of course be the Heinz Hines Ward Ward, where each month's top employee could earn the Heinz Hines Ward Ward Award.

Sincerely,

A citizen of the Steelers metropolitan area