Any woman worthy of her apron can catch a man if she softly murmurs into his ear those magic three little words: Coconut cream pie. A luscious, creamy, zaftig slice of freshly baked coconut cream pie, mounded with soft drifts of hand-whipped cream, will bring the strongest of men to his knees.

	Bill Wade, Post-Gazette A homemade coconut cream pie is a thing of beauty, but there are good ones to be found at restaurants and bakeries if you know where to look. Click photo for larger image.

The real thing, that is: the idealized, fantasized coconut cream pie. Unfortunately, most coconut cream pies are impostors. Just say no to vanilla pudding, coconut-flavored cream pies decorated with twigs of coconut. Turn up your nose at any pie that smells like suntan lotion. Give thumbs down to a sodden-crusted, watery-meringue wannabe.

We've baked a lot of pies lately, leading up to the final four. In a vertical tasting by a dozen dessert lovers at a potluck dinner, two pies were clear winners: "Your momma's" classic American coconut cream pie and a swoon-worthy "three-way" version.

Mix and match

Although we picked our favorite pie, there's no one-and-only way to make it. Your taste preferences will be the final judge. Here are some, but not all, of the variations we tried for crust, filling and topping.

Pastry -- A prebaked, homemade pastry shell made from butter or shortening is well worth the effort, and longtime pie bakers will find this a favorite. Store-bought pastry is a real time saver, however. Pillsbury makes a very good pie pastry that comes rolled, two unbaked crusts to a package. Crumb crust made with graham crackers or Nilla wafers is good, but crushed chocolate wafers are too intense. Crushed animal crackers, of all things, made our winning crust, an idea we picked up from Cook's Illustrated magazine.

Filling -- Coconut milk, whole milk, egg yolks and sugar thickened with cornstarch, all made into a pudding, make a superb filling without being cloying. Unsweetened coconut strands add texture and subtlety. Cornstarch-thickened whole milk, enriched with egg yolks and flavored with coconut flavoring, is rather like coconut pudding; even though it is very sweet, it's the most common filling and is universally liked. Vanilla pudding with added coconut shreds and coconut flavoring is an option for non-cooks or for the cook in a hurry.

Topping -- Whipped cream, whipped cream and more whipped cream is the answer. Don't even think about using canned, spritzy whipped cream, and shame on you if you use an artificial whipped topping.

If by now you are jonesing for a taste, or a bite, or just want to go face first into a whole pie, you might have to fly to Seattle. The Best-Coconut-Cream-Pie-in-a-Restaurant Award goes to Tom Douglas' triple coconut cream pie at Dahlia Lounge. This mile-high coconut cream pie with its coconut-y crust, coconut filling and topping of swoops of super-heavy whipped cream is scattered with shingles of coconut chips and huge shavings of white chocolate. It has been the best seller on Dahlia's pastry menu for 12 years. Trust me, it's worth the trip.

In Pittsburgh, there have been sightings at Venus Diner on Route 8 and at Lenzi's in Monongahela.

Jean-Marc Chatellier's Bakery is back in business in Millvale. He has rebuilt his place since it was washed out in the Sept. 17 flood. He makes a mean coconut cream pie. Jean-Marc adds coconut flakes to his rich French pastry cream, then pours the mixture into a shortening-made pie shell. To stabilize the topping he mixes non-dairy whipped topping with real cream. He says it holds up better for customers. An 8-inch pie is $9.50.

The Pie Place on Highland Road next door to Borders bookstore in Upper St. Clair knows a thing or two about coconut cream pie. Theirs has a handmade crust made with Robin Hood flour and Crisco shortening. The scratch-made filling is made with cream, egg yolks, cornstarch, vanilla and coconut. Topping is meringue with toasted coconut. Of the 28 kinds of pies sold in the shop, this is the No. 2 seller. The 9-inch extra deep pie costs $12.50. Call them at 412-835-4410.

If you have a favorite, let us know.

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Very Best Coconut Cream Pie

This is the real thing. Be sure to use UN-sweetened coconut and use canned coconut MILK, not coconut cream. Do not omit the salt in the recipe; it is necessary to balance all of the flavors. Buy extra animal crackers, because you'll want to bite the heads off the bears and tigers the way you used to when you were a kid.

Crust:

• 6 ounces animal crackers
  
• 2 tablespoons unsweetened shredded coconut
  
• 1 tablespoon sugar
  
• 4 tablespoons unsalted butter, melted and cooled

Filling:

• 1 can (14 ounces) coconut milk
  
• 1 cup whole milk
  
• 1/2 cup unsweetened shredded coconut
  
• 1/2 cup plus 1 tablespoon sugar
  
• 1/8 teaspoon salt
  
• 5 large egg yolks
  
• 1/4 cup cornstarch
  
• 2 tablespoons unsalted butter, cut into 2 pieces
  
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract

Whipped Cream and garnish:

• 1 1/2 cups cold heavy cream
  
• 2 tablespoons sugar
  
• 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
  
• 2 tablespoons (or more to taste) unsweetened shredded coconut, toasted in small dry skillet until golden

FOR THE CRUST: Adjust oven rack to lower-middle position and preheat oven to 325 degrees. In food processor, pulse animal crackers, coconut and sugar to fine crumbs, 18 to 20 1-second pulses; then process until powdery, about 5 seconds. Transfer crumbs to medium bowl and add butter; stir to combine until crumbs are evenly moistened. Empty crumbs into 9-inch glass pie plate; using bottom of ramekin or ¹/₂ cup dry measuring cup, press crumbs evenly into bottom and up sides of pie plate. Bake until fragrant and medium brown, about 15 minutes, rotating pie shell halfway through baking time. Set on wire rack to cool.

FOR THE FILLING: Bring coconut milk, whole milk, shredded coconut, ¹/₂ cup sugar and salt to simmer over medium-high heat, stirring occasionally to ensure that sugar dissolves. Whisk yolks, cornstarch and remaining 1 tablespoon sugar in medium bowl until thoroughly combined. Whisking constantly, gradually ladle about 1 cup hot milk mixture over yolk mixture; whisk well to combine. Whisking constantly, gradually add remaining milk mixture to yolk mixture in 3 or 4 additions; whisk well to combine. Return mixture to saucepan and cook until thickened and mixture reaches a boil, whisking constantly, about 1 minute; filling must boil in order to fully thicken.

Off heat, whisk in butter and vanilla until butter is fully incorporated. Pour hot filling into cooled pie shell and smooth surface with rubber spatula; press plastic wrap directly against surface of filling and refrigerate until firm, at least 3 hours and up to 12 hours.

FOR THE WHIPPED CREAM: Just before serving, beat cream, sugar and vanilla with electric mixer until soft peaks form, 1¹/₂ to 2 minutes. Top pie with whipped cream and then sprinkle with toasted coconut. Cut pie into wedges and serve. Makes 6 to 8 servings.

Adapted from Cooks Illustrated

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All-American Coconut Cream Pie

This is the standard, very sweet pie we want when we go to a diner. I use 1 cup heavy cream for the topping, not the lesser amount. There's nothing wrong with extra whipped cream.

• Any 9-inch standard single crust pie shell or graham cracker crust

Filling:

• 1/2 cup sugar
  
• 3 1/2 tablespoons cornstarch
  
• 1/8 teaspoon salt
  
• 2 cups whole milk
  
• 3 large egg yolks
  
• 2 tablespoons unsalted butter, cut into 1/2-inch pieces
  
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
  
• 1/2 teaspoon coconut extract
  
• 1 cup sweetened flaked coconut

Topping:

• 3/4 cup cold heavy or whipping cream
  
• 3 tablespoons confectioners sugar
  
• 1/2 cup sweetened flaked coconut, toasted in small dry skillet until golden

If you haven't already, prepare the pastry and refrigerate until firm enough to roll, about an hour.

On a sheet of lightly floured waxed paper, roll the pastry into a 12-inch circle with a floured rolling pin. Invert the pastry over a 9-inch standard pie pan, center and peel off the paper. Tuck the pastry into the pan, without stretching it, and sculpt the edge into an upstanding rim. Place in the freezer for 15 minutes, then fully prebake and let cool according to the recipe for Prebaked Pie Shell (below).

Make the filling. Whisk the granulated sugar, cornstarch and salt together in a medium-size, heavy saucepan, preferably nonstick. Whisk in the milk and egg yolks. Place over medium heat and cook, whisking virtually nonstop, until the mixture thickens and starts to boil, 5 to 7 minutes. Continue to cook, whisking nonstop, for about 1 minute. Remove from the heat and whisk in the butter, one piece at a time. Whisk in the vanilla, coconut extract and flaked coconut. Immediately pour the filling into the cooled pie shell and smooth the top with a spoon. Press a piece of plastic wrap directly over the filling, leaving no gaps or air pockets, to prevent a skin from forming. Transfer the pie to a wire rack and let cool thoroughly, then refrigerate for at least 3 hours or overnight.

When you're almost ready to serve the pie, make the topping. Using a chilled medium-size bowl and beaters, beat the cream with an electric mixer until it holds soft peaks. Add the confectioners' sugar and beat until stiff but not grainy. Smooth over the chilled pie. Sprinkle with the toasted coconut. Slice and serve. Makes 6-8 slices.

"Pie: 300 Tried-and-True Recipes for Delicious Homemade Pie," by Ken Haedrich

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Prebaked Pie Shell

For some types of pies, you'll need to prebake the pastry, sometimes partially and sometimes fully. Ken Haedrich, the author of "Pie," gives the most risk-free method for baking a crisp crust every time. All you need is aluminum foil and something to weight the foil and pastry down, such as dried beans or pie weights. Here's the method.

Make the pastry, fit it into a pie pan and flute the edge of the dough. Tear off a piece of aluminum foil (not heavy duty) about 16 inches long. That's more than you need, but the excess makes the foil easy to lift when you're removing the beans. Now center the foil over the pie shell, and just as you tucked the pastry into the pan, tuck the foil into the pie shell. The bottom and sides of the pie should be well-defined. Let the excess foil flare out like wings. Pour in enough dried beans to come to the top of the pan.

Bake in a preheated oven at 400 degrees for 15 minutes. After 15 minutes, slide out the oven rack and lift up the foil to remove the weights. Put them out of the way. (When they cool, they can be stored in a jar or plastic bag to be used over and over for future pies.) Take a fork and prick the pastry all over the bottom.

Lower the oven temperature to 375 degrees and continue to bake the pie shell for 10 to 12 minutes for a partially prebaked pie shell (as for pumpkin pie) or 15 to 17 minutes for a fully baked pie shell (as for lemon or coconut cream). If you notice any place that is puffing up, prick the problem spot with a fork.

As soon as you remove the pie shell from the oven, use the back of a spoon to gently press the side crust back any place where it may have sagged. Finally, whisk an egg white until frothy, then paint it over the holes you've poked to prevent the filling from leaking. Put the pie shell back into the hot oven to bake the egg white to a hard finish, about 2 minutes. Remove the pie shell from the oven and cool on a wire rack.

Variations on the theme

Lactose free: if you prefer not to take Lactaid pills or are strictly nondairy, this pie is for you. Prepare a baked pastry shell using homemade or store-bought pastry (read the label). Make the filling using Lactaid lactose-free milk or soy milk and stir in ¹/₂ cup sweetened coconut. Top with Cool Whip or other nondairy topping and scatter with toasted coconut.

Crust free: Make the filling and pour it into ramekins. Fiesta ware is especially pretty. Top with sweetened whipped cream and toasted coconut.

Preschooler's first pie: Make a graham cracker crust or make one from animal crackers (see "Very Best" recipe). Use no-cook instant pudding, using slightly less milk than called for. Add some sweetened coconut. Make either whipped cream or a Cool Whip topping, then scatter with coconut.