It's up in the air

	James Hilston, Post-Gazette Click illustration for larger image.

You've heard, I'm sure, that the next front in the cell phone wars is the airplane. Last December, the feds said they'd be re-evaluating the current cell phone ban. Since then, some 7,700 people have forwarded their opinions to the government, most of them flight attendants and, it will come as no surprise, they want the mid-flight ban continued. Apparently, they think they've already got their hands full rationing pretzels and dealing with cranky, cramped, hungry passengers, without having to referee cell phone fights. Keith Reed of the Boston Globe sampled some of the comments: "I was seated next to a very loud man who was explaining his next porn movie on his cell phone," wrote a man from Shelton, Wash. "Everyone on that plane was subjected to his explicit blabbering. Should cell use during flight be allowed, we had all better be prepared for a whole lot of air rage going on." Cingular, the biggest wireless carrier, wants the ban continued, by the way. In any case, everybody can relax for a while. No change is expected until December 2006 at the earliest. The Federal Aviation Administration has the ultimate say, then it's up to each airline, should any of them still be in business.

Give us the gist

Most of the 7,700 e-mailed their opinions about the prospect of airborne cell phone yappers. Graham W. Strauss of Carnegie Mellon gave a fuller response. He sent his 174-page doctoral thesis, which explored whether passengers knew that cell phones are banned for safety reasons and tried to show that many are sneaking in wireless calls anyway. "Limiting passenger electronics use on board should continue and is the only method available to ensure the near-term safety of the flying public," Strauss wrote. The Associated Press reported one citizen's excellent suggestion in the event cell phones are allowed up there: A pay-to-use, glassed-in, soundproof phone booth at the back of the plane.

True blue

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Blogger Steve Portigal, portigal.com: "Could the airlines do anything to mitigate the impact of the [cell phone] doofus? If the airlines want to start changing behavior, they might take a cue from JetBlue . . . JetBlue sets the tone from the moment you board: On most airlines the flight attendants watch while you struggle to find space for your carry-on luggage. On JetBlue, they greet each passenger, take their bag and hurry ahead of them, finding the next open storage space, optimizing space usage (just like a great grocery packer knows what they are doing, so do these guys), relieving the passenger of a frustrating task and speeding the boarding process. Already the rules begin to be changed. Once you get to the seatback card (labeled a 'guide to how to make the world a better place . . . one flight at a time') you may begin to consider the flight experience differently. The card reads 'Be nice. Attitude is everything on JetBlue. Kindness, respect and consideration are the way to a nice flight.' . . . Rather than a turf war over knees, shoulders, ears and mouths, creating a common experience could encourage cooperation, establish new social norms (and social sanctions rather than punitive ones) that would allow for polite cell phone usage. Sure, I'm skeptical, too. Adding some verbiage to the pre-flight announcement and posting a few stickers isn't going to do it. A new approach to creating a relationship between the passengers and the airline, and between the passengers themselves is the key."

More annoying noise

Here's some good insider stuff: When The Morning File hits a key on the keyboard, we do so silently. No grunting, although we will admit to an occasional prolonged sigh. Not so at Wimbledon this week, where grunting with every stroke is de rigeur among the women tennis players. Defending women's champion Maria Sharapova was recorded by The Daily Mail of London's "gruntometer" at 101.2 decibels Tuesday. The noise, almost as loud as a police siren, was said to have broken her previous record, Reuters reported. According to the League for the Hard of Hearing's Web site, continued exposure to noise above 85 decibels will cause hearing loss over time. The San Jose Mercury's Morning Buzz (no relation to The Morning File) found sound equivalents to these players' top decibel levels:

Maria Sharapova 101, equal to a subway train

Serena Williams 88, lawn mower

Venus Williams 85, heavy traffic

Lindsay Davenport 84, handsaw

Elena Bovina 81, hair dryer

Noisy neighbors

I wonder if Carnegie Mellon's Graham W. Strauss could tackle the problem of rowdy Tartans whooping it up off-campus in The Morning File's neighborhood. (We sympathize with Pitt-infested Oaklanders on this, too.) If only the CMU and Pitt brass would take a cue from the Aberdeen City Council. A new noise control team took to the streets of the Scottish city Monday and will be operating seven days a week between 9 a.m. and 4 a.m. the following morning, according to the city's Web site. First come warning notices. If a noise-maker fails to comply, a $182 is levied. In extreme cases, where it is clear that a penalty notice has been ignored, officers may enter homes to seize hi-fis or other noise-causing equipment, presumably such as a beer keg.