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 James Hilston, Post-Gazette |
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Scotland the sick
If memory serves, and our remembrances of the 19th century dim with age, the Ottoman Empire was the original "Sick man of Europe." Since then, many countries have held the title, most recently Scotland. And "sick man" is barely a metaphor. Scots, by and mostly large, are an unhealthy lot. They smoke too much, drink too much and eat the most unbelievable things, stuff that makes Three Rivers Arts Festival fare look like health food. In the developed world, Scotland is at or near the top in heart disease, cancer and strokes and last in life expectancy, according to official figures.
The emergence of the deep-fried Mars bar, served with a side order of fries, as a fast food staple would seem to be an indicator. National Geographic has reported other bizarre variations, such as batter-fried ice cream, pizza, pineapple rings, pickled eggs, Snicker bars and bananas. Haggis, Scotland's national dish, a tough sell to outlanders to begin with as a combination of seasoned meat and oatmeal boiled in a sheep's stomach, has taken a turn for the worse, too. Instead of being boiled and served with "neeps and tatties" (turnips and potatoes), the haggis is deep fried, too. Perhaps it's not a stunner that 62 percent of Scottish men and 54 percent of women are overweight.
Straight no chaser
The Scottish Daily Record reported that Hollywood actress Juliette Lewis tried a deep-fried Mars bar in Glasgow last month. "It's gross," she said. "It tastes like doughnuts and chocolate, but I won't be eating this again any time soon." The chef who whipped up the delicacy was philosophical: "It doesn't surprise me that Juliette didn't like the Mars bars. You really need to be drunk to like them and people who ask for them have generally had a few too many. People who are sober don't tend to think deep-fried Mars bars are tasty."
Clip and save
Invented in Scotland, this dish has now become famous worldwide. It is an excellent source of fat, sugar and calories. For a seasonal variation you could also try deep frying a Cadbury's Creme Egg.
1 Mars bar or Milky Way bar
1 cup plain flour
1/2 cup cornflour
1 pinch baking soda
milk or beer
oil (for deep frying)
Chill the chocolate bar by keeping it in the fridge, but don't freeze it. Mix the flours and baking soda together. Add milk (traditional) or beer (which gives a lighter result) until you get a batter with the consistency of thin cream. Heat the oil until a small piece of bread will brown in a few seconds, but don't allow to smoke. Remove wrapper from chilled chocolate bar. Coat completely in batter. Carefully lower into hot oil and fry until golden brown. Serve, with ice cream or french fries, if you're so inclined. 10 minutes, 5 mins. prep. Calories: 698.
Word from the IRA
About that bug the Irish Republican Army says MI 5 (the British intelligence service) planted in a Sinn Fein office in Belfast. You can't buy it on eBay, as we reported last week. Apparently, Sinn Fein reads The Morning File and e-mailed us over the weekend:
Hi! We were kicked off eBay! The auction is now going ahead here on our Web site www.sinnfeinbookshop.com.
Is Mise, [Gaelic for: "I am"]
Brian Dowling, Sinn Fein Bookshop, 44 Parnell Square, Dublin 1 Ireland.
Let's pick this up
Do we have something to learn from Papillion, Neb.? It's the seat of Sarpy County, whose motoring citizens have racked up $300,000 in traffic-related fines, according to The Associated Press. Here's the creative solution these Nebraskans have come up with: If you can't pay, you can work it off picking up litter. Don't we have a litter problem here?
He's still the king
The U.S. Postal Service makes a lot of money on stamps people don't use. Not those stamped envelopes some charities send in an effort to make you feel guilty for being into them for 37 cents. The Postal Service cleared $36 million from the 1993 stamp of Elvis Presley, which accounts for 124 million stamps bought but never used, according to The Associated Press. Collectors consider stamps in mint condition to be better investments than those with a postmark. After Elvis, the all-time profit-making collected stamps: Greetings from America (2002) $24 million; Wildflowers (1992) $22 million; Rock 'n' Roll (1993) $22 million; Insects and Spiders (1999) $20 million; Legends of Baseball (2000) $18 million; Art of Disney (2004) $18 million; Baseball fields (2001) $17 million; Civil War (1995) $15 million; Moon Landing (1994) $14 million.
Words we need
From Margaret Eshbaugh of Penn Hills:
Folks pas, what you are guilty of when you say or do the wrong thing in front of your in-laws.
Merci bouquet, thank you for the flowers.
Pate de fooey grass, those icky wet clumps of cut grass thrown out by the lawn mower.
Artoo detour, a road that ends up in a galaxy far away.
Marthadontics, a complete line of dental products available at Kmart.
Estee Louder, too much make-up.
Almoscar, an award for runners-up at the Academy Awards.
Marple tunnel, a wrist problem caused by repetitively turning pages of British mysteries.
From Poosie Orr of Squirrel Hill:
leditor, letter to the editor, as in, "Did you read yesterday's leditor from Cyril Wecht?"
