We're for sale

	Stacy Innerst, Post-Gazette Click illustration for larger image.

Attention, please, big corporations and millionaires looking to do something for humanity. The Morning File is a month old, and there's still something missing. No, not coherence, wise guy. We're talking about naming rights, corporate sponsorship. Let's stimulate your thinking. The Morning File would be a natural for a coffee company (and, Starbucks, we hold no grudges), a breakfast cereal, a nail salon (Morning File, get it?) or possibly a funeral home, since "Mourning" is only a vowel away from "Morning". No need for a direct tie-in, though. The Microsoft Morning File has a nice ring to it. You know where to find us, and cash only, please.

The I.C. Light rail?

A lot of people credit (or blame) Peter Ueberroth, who ran and sold the 1984 Olympics for the naming rights trend. (As I recall, shaving cream companies competed fiercely for the right to sponsor the East German women's weight-lifting team.) But the trend actually goes back to 1757 -- and we can be proud of this -- when William Pitt became the first British prime minister to buy naming rights to an American college football team. Now, we wonder if Pitt (the university that is an affiliate of the football team) would be interested in sponsoring a subway station. Call it the Pitt Stop. We mention this in light of a proposal from Rep. Rosita Youngblood, D-Philadelphia, who thinks naming rights could solve the non-stop transit crisis in Pittsburgh and Philadelphia. There's precedent. For $50 million, Nextel is putting its name on the Las Vegas convention center stop of the monorail system. The Morning File has some creative ideas for two of Pittsburgh's more adventuresome bus rides. How about the Preparation 67H or perhaps the 61UPMC?

JFK Diet Pepsi H.S.

From the AP
• Man Buys Smoker, Finds Human Leg Inside • Coach Stops Runaway Horse by Biting Ear • Man Allegedly Tries to Use 'Blurry' $100 • Police Break Up Brawl at Chuck E. Cheese • Suggestive Card Ruffles Farmer's Feathers • Nerds to Auction Themselves to Women • Toilet to Tap? San Jose Probes Plan • Seattle to Allow Pygmy Goats As Pets • Yankees Rookies Dress Up in Oz Costumes

Alex Molnar, an Arizona State University education prof, laments the trend in schoolhouse commercialism, particularly the selling out to soft drink companies. "No Child Left Unsold," is the title of a recent Molnar report. "We have an enormous problem in this country with overweight kids, who have poor diets lacking nutrition, and that contributes to the early onset of diabetes as well,'' he said in a New York Times story. "So how is a school district helping that problem by selling Pepsi ads all over the football stadium scoreboard? Why don't they just let Jack Daniels advertise on it, too?''

Moo-lah

Meanwhile, in Williamsburg, Pa., about 15 miles east of Altoona, a farmer auctioned the naming rights to five Holstein calves on eBay. An Internet casino, GoldenPalace.com, won with a bid of $41. GoldenPalace is the same outfit that bought the famous 10-year-old grilled cheese sandwich with the image of the Virgin Mary in the grill work for $28,000. Next time you're tempted to throw something out, keep these guys in mind.

We feel BBC's pain

The British Broadcasting Corp. -- the BBC to you and the Beeb to Brits -- has the knickers of the entire British Isles in a twist over its new TV weather graphics. The new high-tech "virtual reality" report, launched last week, has flashy 3D graphics, replacing the low-tech but highly intelligible yellow suns and storm clouds. The BBC's online bulletin board is aflame with complaints. Here's one of the more good-natured postings, from a "Joe Public bloke": "The map looks like a chip bag that's been stained by fat and vinegar. Maybe we should be re-named United Mudland? Come on guys and gals at the beeb, put back the wind speed and a few isobars and get rid of the beige and brown and stop making me seasick with the swooping camera and all should be fine! ;)" To which DisGusted added: "Thanks for the tip. I've just tried looking at an old chip bag and it gave me a far better forecast than anything I've seen on the BBC for the past week." We at the PG would never mess with the weather.

Weather Forecast: Drismal

More words you can't find in the dictionary:

Dick Headley, Squirrel Hill: "After you've already passed (and said hello to) the same colleague at work about three or four times, what expression comes to your face when you see him/her coming toward you again? A "grimile," of course -- a cross between a grimace and a smile! It appears naturally when you just can't decide how to handle these relentless encounters."

Elizabeth Jeffries, Penn Hills:

Snevious, sneaky and devious.

Drismal, drizzly and dismal; used to describe weather in Pittsburgh.