Dear Bob,

Congratulations on making it to the top of the greasy pole. The view should be edifying: a city budget that reflects the math skills of Wilma Flintstone ("Charge -- it!"); an oversight board that currently runs our city with all the secrecy and none of the talent of the Star Chamber; Downtown streets that can be used for bowling after 5 p.m.

This, Mr. O'Connor, is the city you aspire to run. I write you from the suburbs, whence I and many others have fled to avoid a number of things. My mailing address says "Pittsburgh," my ZIP code suggests Dormont and my tax bills go to Mt. Lebanon. This amalgam is pure Pittsburgh: We live on the fringes, work in the center and make no distinction about identity until it comes time to send our kids to school or phone the zoning office about a hobo neighbor's bad lawn.

This is not to say we do not give back. Most of those high-rises you see lighting up the skyline house businesses run, by and large, by folks who live in the suburbs. We provide employment, pay business taxes, patronize such restaurants and bars as remain open past 6 p.m., and pony up for the breathtaking 50 percent parking tax. Occasionally, the city police set up a de facto toll-booth at the end of the on-ramp leading from Banksville Road to the Fort Pitt tunnels, and gaff cars with expired inspection stickers. Some call it safety enforcement, although I suspect it's the same sort of budget balancing that explains why a city that can't keep its fire stations open can afford a platoon of parking meter attendants to keep the fines flowing to the same civic leaders who don't understand why people don't come Downtown.

So, as a first-term gift, I'm forwarding a few practical suggestions on how to save your city. They are common sense, meaning no one in the City-County Building has likely thought of them. They encompass everything from practical economics to human tolerance, meaning they'll never fly in this town. And they are entirely free, meaning no one will implement them until they find a way to turn them into a paying job for some committeeman's idiot nephew.

That being said, Bob, here are a few thoughts:

Stop chasing people away: Your predecessor once told a church group to stop handing out food to the homeless in Market Square. It speaks volumes when even a charitable interest in the city is discouraged. Downtown used to bustle with activity.

No more. With so many Fortune 500 companies now residing in Sun Belt office parks, and malls ringing the city's perimeter, the urge to come down here has largely vanished and, with it, two department stores.

Here's a hint: Remove a few of the worries we have about coming here. Consider shorter ticketing hours. Eliminate ticketing on Saturdays. Visit Bloomfield and the South Side and notice that, crowded as they are, people find a way to get settled in with their cars without civil discord. Then encourage the bit of vibrancy that has grown there by calling off the hordes of ticketers who will, if you let the system work as designed, scare away shoppers from those districts as well. This city needs businesses more than it needs revenue from enraged visitors about to become former shoppers.

You run the police, not the other way around: Consider the recent news in this town. A security guard, hired to tamp down high spirits in a Lawrenceville bar, shot the owner and a bystander in a barroom brawl worthy of a "Gunsmoke" rerun. To date, we know the names of the bar, the neighborhood and the victims. The security guard's name remains secret. This is because in the past few years, after generations of releasing their reports for public inspection, the city police now withhold them from public scrutiny. This means the public will know only what the police want them to know and if you know anything about police, the less the world knows about how they run their shop, the happier they are.

As a young man, Tom Murphy was once arrested and chucked into the back of a police wagon for stopping his car to ask the cops why they were arresting someone in his neighborhood. You would have imagined such an encounter would have made him a bit less accommodating to police secrecy. Sadly, no. The man is a walking exemplar of Stockholm Syndrome.

Oversight of the police is one of the few powers remaining to the mayor of Pittsburgh under the current occupation. Exercise it. Tell the police to stop holding back on the public that pays them.

Let a thousand pushcarts bloom: This will drive some of the merchants nuts, but just now you need population in the Downtown. Fifth and Forbes, mistaken as an eyesore by Tom Murphy, is an ideal spot for the kind of open-air market that enlivens the Strip District on Saturdays. Forget "upscale" developers and let the little guy have a shot at creating the critical mass for busy weekdays. Encourage pushcart vendors -- make it easy, with nominal licensing fees -- and let them ply Fifth and Forbes selling hotdogs, magazines, maps, whatever. It will displace the current open-air commerce you're worried about. Where will these vendors come from? Read on.

Invest in immigrants: The messiest, and maybe the bravest, idea for growing a city is to crowd in the population first. Absent gigantic mills to absorb these folks, we need to grow the city one business at a time and that is the way immigration works.

You'll notice in any high-immigration population the number of restaurants, tailors, shoe repair shops and jewelry stores that spring up. That's because today's immigrants come with money or an idea to make some. And with population comes economic activity.

It's time for you and a number of other city mayors to lobby Washington for a free immigration zone. We already have free trade zones for international commerce. Why not similar ones for the people who create domestic trade? Those falling population numbers aren't symptoms of decline. They're the actual decline. We need warm bodies and this is a brave and crazy way to get them.

Consider an object lesson: In last week's column, I confused Howard, the town clerk, with Floyd, the barber, of the old "Andy Griffith Show." In most cases, this would be of no consequence. But as Pittsburgh increasingly resembles Mayberry, it is well that we keep our civic stereotypes in order.