No latte extra foam for him

	James Hilston, Post-Gazette Click illustration for larger image.

Nobody can compete with Wal-Mart when it comes to public enemy No. 1 among those who decry the homogenization of retail America. But Starbucks is right up there. One of the more outspoken anti-Starbuckians is Bill Talen, aka Reverend Billy, whose broader ministry is to smite down the demon of consumerism. With a televangelist's pompadour and a priest's collar, the Rev tours the country, urging disciples to "rage against the caffeine." Reverend Billy and the Stop Shopping Gospel Choir launch their debut album Monday with such songs as "Thank You, Shopocalypse" and "Remove Starbucks & Disney." The party in New York City will feature "hot dogs, holy wine and a credit card exorcism." Starbucks union and staff members have been invited. Details at www.revbilly.com.

May I not call?

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Not that he needs the help, but the Reverend can check Delocator.net to steer clear of Starbucks. Visit the Web site and you'll find the locations of independent cafes as well as outlets of the ubiquitous chain, presumably so you can avoid them. But there's no reason why Starbucks fans can't use it, and you have to admit they have great interior decorators. I punched my zip code into the delocator and found 29 independent cafes and -- how's this for a level coffee table -- 29 Starbucks within a five-mile radius of Squirrel Hill. I'll never sleep again.

Jackie Mason on Starbucks:

"If I said to you, 'I have a great idea for a business. I'll open a whole new type of coffee shop. A whole new type. Instead of 60 cents for coffee, I'll charge $2.50, $3.50, $4.50 and $5.50. Not only that, I'll have no water, no busboy, and you'll clean it up for 20 minutes after you've finished.'

"Would you say to me, 'That's the greatest idea for business I ever heard! We can open a chain of these all over the world!' No, you would put me right into a sanitarium. Starbucks can only get away with it because they have French titles for everything, Nazi $%$$#*# $#%$ of *%$@#*%, and I say that with the highest respect, because I don't like to talk about people."

We demand a recount

Stop the presses: Journalists are a lot more ethical than the average adult, eclipsed only by seminarians, doctors and medical students. That means most of you are less ethical than I am. Which should prompt serious soul-searching on your part. We know this from a study by researchers from the University of Missouri-Columbia and Lousiana State, who interviewed 249 journalists -- presumably none of them named Geraldo -- and presented six ethical dilemmas. Journalists scored 48.7 on a 100-point scale, which doesn't strike me as all that high, but that's America for you. Ahead of journalists were seminarians/philosophers at 65.1, medical students at 50.2 and physicians at 49.2.

Warning to parents worried about their budding teen-agers: You're not worrying enough. Junior high school students scored lowest, with 20.0, just below prison inmates, 23.7. You know the old saying, "Never trust anyone over 10."

Hi, Mom!

Don't forget to thank your mother Sunday for the small favor of bringing you into the world. (Hint: It's Mother's Day.) Your mom -- or "mum," as some Pittsburghers prefer -- is one of 82.5 million special American women with that status, according to the Census Bureau. OK, so maybe she's not all that special. But if you've got one of the older models, there's a good chance she did some hard work worthy of praise. Of all mothers around in 1976, 36 percent had four or more children, compared to 10 percent today.

Last word: When AARP the Magazine surveyed baby boomers on their favorite TV mom, John Boy and his sibs evidently stuffed the ballot box: Olivia Walton was No. 1, with 20 percent of the vote, followed by June Cleever, Claire Huxtable, Harriet Nelson and Carol Brady. What about Tony Soprano's mom?