It's no Hallmark Hall of Fame production, but CBS's "Spring Break Shark Attack" (9 p.m. Sunday) is at least knowingly cheesy, a paint-by-numbers "Jaws" rip-off that seems designed for the sole purpose of luring young viewers to the network on Sunday night.

With a rerun of ABC's "Desperate Housewives" as its competition, the movie even snacks on the ladies of Wisteria Lane in an opening scene send-up. Four women, in all the appropriate hair colors, float on a raft in the ocean, sipping martinis while remembering their absent friend, Alice (intended as a stand-in for "Housewives' " Mary Alice, no doubt).

"Peace and quiet, isn't that what we were desperate for?" one of the women says. And then they're turned to chum.

The real story kicks in when Danielle (Shannon Lucio, a recurring guest star on "The O.C." as CBS's "Shark Attack" promos continuously point out), the good girl of the piece, disobeys her parents.

"I don't trust those guys," Danielle's dad says of the boys at spring break. "They're sharks! I'm not going to throw you in the deep end with some guys that are only after one thing. They can't help it. It's in their nature."

Screenwriter James LaRose clearly knows he's writing junk; if only he had as much fun with the dialogue later in the film. This knowing tone of self-mockery gives way to nothing but cliches once Danielle ditches a commitment to Habitat for Humanity (one can only be so good in these movies) and heads to Florida for spring break.

There she meets up with her brother, who's writing his thesis on -- how convenient -- tiger sharks! She makes goo-goo eyes at engineer wannabe Shane (Riley Smith, "24"), a poor boy with college ambitions. (He's the young, impossibly attractive type found only in fiction who's not part of the in-crowd but is really cooler than all the purportedly cool kids.)

Before you know it, jerks are getting munched in a harbor and a girl gets pulled off a pier. To tell you this gives away nothing because you'll know it before it happens. "Shark Attack" is just that kind of predictable telefilm.

Mostly all you see of the sharks are fins and the geysers of bloody water that inevitably result when they come near humans. Evidently these sharks were camera shy, rarely showing their eyes. Then again, the fin approach doesn't require quite as hefty an investment in special effects; it's like a movie about spring break made on a student's budget.

It may also be that the sharks are related to the lead bad guy in "Jaws: The Revenge"; like the shark in that movie (tag line: "This time it's personal!"), these sharks seem somehow sentient, first attacking swimmers on a floating platform and then going after their rescuers.

"This can't be real," Danielle says. "This can't be happening."

No, it isn't and it can't be, but in a movie titled "Spring Break Shark Attack," to expect anything approaching reality would be as silly as the film.

Self-referential 'O.C.'

Though I've been enjoying Fox's "The O.C." (8 tonight) in its second season, evidently some fans are longing for last season. Tonight's episode addresses that as neurotic Seth Cohen (Adam Brody) obsesses on the state of the characters' lives.

"This year? Not as good as last year," Seth says. "Sure, we all tried some new things: yard guys, illegitimate stepdaughters, less fighting, more live music, but last year? Better."

"Maybe you just remember last year as being better 'cause it was all new," Ryan (Ben McKenzie) replies.

So true, so true.

Great 'Galactica'

Sci Fi Channel's "Battlestar Galactica" begins its march toward the April 1 season finale tomorrow at 9 p.m. If you haven't been watching this intelligent, engrossing space drama, you're truly missing out. It's turned out to be one of the best shows of the year.

It may be based on a cheesy '70s-era show of the same name, but the new "Galactica" is a smart drama filled with issues of morality, politics and good old-fashioned space-based melodrama.

The tense two-part season finale features reunions, a mutiny, a military coup and one of those "holy *&%$!" cliffhangers that will have fans biting their nails until season two. Luckily that won't be long -- the second season of "Battlestar Galactica" kicks off this summer.

Do the rerun math

Where's "Desperate Housewives"? What happened to "Third Watch"?

People, people, people: We've been through this a hundred times before, but judging by the phone calls I'm getting this week, it's time to play this broken record again.

There are approximately 36 weeks in the television season. Most shows make 22 episodes per season. That means 14 weeks of in-season reruns. It's been that way for at least 20 years, despite the collective insistence of viewers that something has changed. Nothing has changed, except probably more pre-emptions in place of reruns.

About 14 weeks of non-original episodes means more than three months of in-season reruns or pre-emptions, usually in December, January, March and April.

So unless you read a cancellation notice, your favorite MIA show will be back eventually. "Housewives" returns with a rerun Sunday and a new episode March 27.