It's not too early to go over the highlights of 2005. But first . . .

Columnists are notorious for not looking back and admitting how off the mark their predictions were. I am the exception.

I did miss one last year: "The Steelers end the season 16-0 and go on to win the Super Bowl. After the game, they board a UFO and join the Tooth Fairy, Elvis and the Easter Bunny on a goodwill trip to Pluto."

It's clear the Steelers haven't had a perfect season, and I apologize for being off on that, but everything else should hold up.

Here's what's ahead in 2005 in case you'd prefer to skip the year:

Having exhausted concessions from its unions, US Airways asks all passengers to take a 12.9 percent pay cut.

The Super Bowl halftime show goes without incident until cameras spot aging ex-Beatle Paul McCartney in a "wardrobe malfunction," meaning he forgot to do up his fly. Steelers beat Atlanta, 24-10, on Tommy Maddox's three touchdown passes. MVP Plaxico Burress begs off on goodwill trip to Pluto.

To ensure a more thorough, professional screening process, the White House strikes a deal with NBC to turn the search for a new director of Homeland Security into a reality TV show.

Scandal envelops Groundhog Day when it's discovered that Punxsutawney Phil has been lip-synching his forecast for at least 30 years. As a tape plays "Six more weeks of winter," a microphone picks up Phil, on being roused prematurely from his hole, saying, "I hate this *&^%$#! job."

John Kerry manages to lose in the finals of a celebrity poker tournament despite having the best hand.

The Post-Gazette decides to outsource its readers to India, saving millions in labor costs, eliminating delivery complaints and bringing the median age of its readership down from deceased to 59.

The world of science is rocked when a team of scientists from the University of France at Grenoble (UFG) breaks 15 chisels before stumbling on the oldest and hardest substance known to man, a Stone Age fruitcake. "No question it was as fresh as it ever was," said team leader Dr. Jean-Pierre Leaud. "This explains how dinosaurs became extinct because no living organism could survive a steady diet of these."

US Airways finally goes out of business but not without asking for one more round of union concessions just on general principle.

The Washington Post reports that Donald Rumsfeld has been on steroids since becoming secretary of defense. Rumsfeld's in-your-face reaction? "You go to public service with the body you want, not the one you have." President Bush expresses full confidence in Rumsfeld, saying, "His demeanor is rough and gruff, but beneath that rough and gruff no-nonsense demeanor is a good human being."

Determined to shed its elitist image and reach out to everyday people, the Democratic Party hires Ralph Nader as its fashion coordinator.

Pittsburgh hits the big time with the reality show "61C McKeesport Survivor!" The object: Make it from Downtown to McKeesport without physical injury or brain damage.

In yet another promising step toward regionalism, Steelers Draft Day is declared a public holiday in Western Pennsylvania.

Botched penis enlargement therapies replace obesity as the biggest national health threat.

GM comes out with a ground-breaking car ad, showing a Pontiac doing the speed limit in city traffic and not going up the side of a mountain, through a coursing river or doing figure 8's at 80 mph around scattered logs amid a herd of buffalo.

Fox News commentator Bill O'Reilly is voted the sexiest man in the United States in the splashy new magazine "Red-State America," edging Bernard Kerik, Regis Philbin and Donald Rumsfeld.

Year-end statistics show that the most crime-ridden place in America is the National Basketball Association.

A shake-out in the spam (junk e-mail) industry produces a conglomerate that allows you to buy a Rolex from the exiled nephew of a Nigerian potentate who is a male enhancement magnate with a breast enlargement sideline, has a can't-miss investment scheme and is in touch with a team of cheating housewives ready to swing into action at a moments's notice with your loan approval.