Before we get to our annual tradition of citing instances of local turkeys -- in honor of Thanksgiving, of course -- there's a sumptuous turkey dinner to be found in the new book "What Were They Thinking? The 100 Dumbest Events in Television History" ($14.95, Back Stage Books) by David Hofstede.

Each of the 100 essays runs just a couple pages, making the chapters easily digestible in short sittings. And they're extremely entertaining. The author makes clear from the start he's a fan of television despite all its flaws.

"This is not a book for intellectual highbrows who dismiss television as prosaic, except for the occasional HBO series or the movies presented by Hallmark Hall of Fame," Hofstede writes in the introduction. "That's not me; in fact, I've always suspected the Hallmark folks of running the same movie over and over under different titles. Either that or they're all set on the same farm."

His dumbest events run the gamut from when AMC added commercials (No. 99) to Janet Jackson's "wardrobe malfunction" (No. 78) to a new character turning up in "Land of the Lost" (No. 63).

"I got to grind a few personal axes along the way," Hofstede said in an interview last week. "Anyone who has familiarity with television will expect to see 'Cop Rock' and 'The Flying Nun.' But to be able to go back and look at a show called 'Breakfast Time,' an absolutely brilliant show when it was on FX, and watch what the Fox network did to it when it brought it from cable to network, it's fun to go back and explore that area."

"Breakfast Time" was a morning news/chat show that aired in the mid-'90s on FX. It was loosey-goosey and fun, featuring human hosts and a puppet named Bob. But when the series moved from FX to Fox, network executives ruined a good thing with excessive tinkering. Hofstede even tapped the show's host Tom Bergeron to write a foreword for "What Were They Thinking?"

"That was one of the great missed opportunities in the past 10 years of television, unfortunately," Hofstede said of the destruction of "Breakfast Time."

Hofstede, a full-time freelance writer based in Henderson, Nev., picked CBS's "Star Wars Holiday Special," broadcast in 1978, as the No. 1 dumbest event in television history.

"Even the most devoted fan had to acknowledge that the 'Holiday Special' was the worst atrocity ever committed to their fantasy universe," Hofstede writes. "Worse than Jar Jar. Worse than Carrie Fisher's English accent in 'A New Hope.' Worse even than Lucas's Special Edition in which Greedo shoots first."

As someone who's gotten a headache every time I've tried to watch a bootleg copy of the "Star Wars Holiday Special" (it's not available for sale legally; "Star Wars" creator George Lucas would just as soon destroy every copy), I can wholeheartedly agree. The nadir has to be when Chewbacca's father tunes in for what appears to be Wookie porn. Or maybe it's the scene with Bea Arthur as an intergalactic bartender, I can't decide.

"The 'Star Wars' show was certainly on the list from the first time I started thinking about a book on this subject," Hofstede said. "I figured 'Star Wars' would be in the Top 10. I hadn't seen it in several years, but I remembered it was just a horrendous television show. When I got a copy again and watched it, I moved it up to the No. 1 spot because I could not imagine anything else I'd see being worse than what I was watching."

Local turkeys

Earlier this month on KDKA, Mary Berecky interviewed a talking Christmas tree and allowed it to toss back to the anchors in the studio.

"Rarely does a tree talk to me," said Patrice King Brown.

"There's always a first time, I guess," said Stacy Smith.

In March a co-worker who was moving to a new home called the cable company to transfer his service. The cable representative tried to encourage him to bump up his level of service. My colleague declined.

"You know that's not smart," the Comcast representative said.

"I know what I want," my co-worker replied.

"I know they have to encourage you to add on," he said later, "but at some point insulting you doesn't encourage you to do that."

Not only is Channel 53 saddled with News Central, but a February promo touted the station as "You're choice..." It should be "Your choice..."

In a February sweeps investigation on repeat DUI offenders, WTAE's Jim Parsons interviewed a drunken driving victim. Unfortunately, the man was identified on screen as "drunk driver."

WQED is always begging for money, so why did the PBS station send a dozen staffers to Rome early this year for the taping of the Pittsburgh Symphony Orchestra at the Vatican? Sending production staff I can understand, but was it really necessary for several station executives to go? Doesn't seem like it.

Last week's "South Park" had a great parody of local TV news sweeps stunts, as the elementary students competed for ratings with their intra-school "Sexy Action School News."

"Is South Park Elementary about to explode from a methane gas leak?" asked Ric (shortened from Eric) Cartman. "More on that later."

'Seinfeld' returns

Remember when NBC's Thursday night lineup really was Must-See TV? Those were the days. You can relive them, one night only, with tonight's broadcast of "The 'Seinfeld' Story" (10 p.m.).

Sure, it's a giant promo for the DVD release of the sitcom's first three seasons. And most of the material is culled from "How It All Began," a making-of documentary on the Season One and Two boxed set. But it's still a blast to spend time with these characters, be reminded of classic scenes and watch as network executives who doubted the show's appeal eat some humble pie.