A woman finds out that her husband is having an affair. She tells him she wants a divorce and orders him to move out of the family residence.

Though her reaction is very human, she should have consulted a lawyer before getting him out of the house.

Should he stay? That decision can affect the amount of money the wife can get in temporary spousal support. And if he does move out and she waits months or years before consulting a lawyer, she will not be able to get back support. And if the husband earns less money that she does, she is likely to be ordered by the court to pay him temporary spousal support.

Should she file for divorce or wait for him to file? Once again, there can be legal advantages or disadvantages.

This and other advice was presented at a recent seminar by Elisabeth Bennington, 28, of Morningside, a lawyer who specializes in divorce. She is an associate with Pollock Begg Komar Glasser.

	Martha Rial, Post-Gazette Family lawyer Elisabeth Bennington, of Pollock Begg Komar Glasser, in her Frick Building office in Downtown Pittsburgh. Bennington offers free seminars on divorce, support and custody issues. Click photo for larger image.

The seminar was titled Women Regaining Balance ... Are you financially and legally prepared for the challenges of a divorce?

Cara M. Caruso, 27, of Mt. Lebanon, a financial adviser, handled the financial advice portion of the seminar.

The seminar Oct. 27 in The Galleria, Mt. Lebanon, attracted four women. Bennington and Caruso are hoping that word of mouth will bring more women to tomorrow's Balance session from noon to 1:30 p.m. at Panera Bread in Waterworks Plaza, near Aspinwall.

Pennsylvania law generally provides two years of spousal support and the clock generally starts ticking when one person files for divorce.

Bennington said she usually advises her clients not to file for divorce.

"If you file, you are the moving party. You want the other person to file for divorce so that you can contest it."

Bennington and Caruso presented some sobering statistics:

Forty-three percent of first marriages end in separation or divorce within 15 years.

The "currently divorced" population is the fastest-growing marital status category in the United States.

The average woman's standard of living drops 45 percent in the year after divorce.

The vast majority of women will be on their own financially as a result of divorce or the death of a spouse.

Bennigton and Caruso said their goal was to help women learn how to prepare for divorce, including learning what resources are available.

Caruso explains the process of creating a financial plan to get a woman through the divorce process and beyond.

Understanding realities

Women often fight to keep and stay in the house that their children have grown up in, "but you can become house poor," Bennington said. "If he is the one who leaves, you will be stuck with all the bills for the house. Most of my clients are not able to stay in the house."

Bennington says she often is asked how she can bear to deal with divorce every day.

"I used to practice corporate law. I've been specializing in divorce for three years, and here I deal with a person," she said. "I see women who are scared and confused and then I help them to get to the point of saying, 'Hey, I can do this.' "

Pennsylvania is a "no fault" state, when it comes to divorce, and there is no alimony.

There is child support for children up to the age of 18 years old or until they graduate from high school, but parents are not required to fund a college education.

For spouses, there is a two-year period of temporary support.

There are many things a person contemplating divorce needs to know, including who is entitled to assets.

"What comes as a shock to a lot of people is it doesn't matter whose name" is on the assets or the debts, Bennington said.

"Anything acquired between your wedding date and your separation date is spousal. It's a harsh reality."

Though a pension or 401K is solely in the husband's name, the wife is entitled to part of the assets accrued during the marriage. On the downside, if the husband wracks up credit card debt, the wife will be responsible for half of that.

Though it may be human nature for a wife to consider running up her own credit card debt to get even with a husband who wants a divorce, she will have to pay half of the debt herself if she made the purchases before the divorce papers were filed.

Financial planners will advise against running up more debt, Caruso said.

What about the assets?

There are circumstances where it may be advisable to be the person who initiates the divorce.

"I've had to file for women because they had reason to believe that their husband was liquidating assets. Courts do not look favorably upon husbands or wives liquidating assets," Bennington said. "Your attorney has to file to freeze the assets," but that cannot be done unless there is a divorce motion.

"If there is hidden income, you want your attorney to find where it is," Bennington said. That can become difficult when the spouse is self-employed or works in a business, such as restaurants, where there are a lot of cash transactions.

If a divorcing husband changes the beneficiary on a life insurance policy, your attorney can petition for you to be reinstated, Bennington said.

Friends and relatives often tell soon-to-be-divorced people to take all the money out of joint checking and savings accounts. Is that good advice?

"If you don't do it, the other person will," Bennington said.

Caruso said it was illegal to hide money from your spouse by putting it in a safe deposit box at the bank.

Caruso handed out worksheets that she suggested women fill out before going to divorce court.

Both spouses need to know their monthly income as well as their monthly expenses.

The expense sheets include items that some people might not initially think of, such as cleaning supplies and home maintenance service fees, including tree care, window cleaning, gutter cleaning and the costs of gas for the family car.

Caruso suggested that, even during a divorce, both spouses make a plan to save for long-term goals, including retirement.

How long does it take to go through the divorce process and what will it cost?

"If it's a really simple case and everyone communicates and cooperates, you will be done in 90 days," Bennington said.

Divorces that involve lengthy custody disputes over children and disputes about splitting up the assets can drag on for years and can cost $50,000.

To RSVP about the free seminar, Bennington can be reached at 412-471-9000. Caruso can be reached at 412-854-8468.