J.Lo. Britney. "The Bachelor." "My Big Fat Obnoxious Fiance." "Who Wants to Marry A Millionaire/My Dad/My Therapist/Dennis Kucinich."

If you watch TV or read entertainment news, as I get paid to (talk about hazardous jobs), it's easy to get the feeling that the only people who take traditional mating rituals seriously anymore are the ones who aren't legally permitted to get married.

Have we become disengaged?

I asked Peter Post, great-grandson of the formidable Emily Post, original queen of etiquette. He has gone into the family business as a director of the Emily Post Institute, which has, I'll bet, the most flawlessly polite receptionists in captivity.

It took some courage to talk to a Post. As punishment for some childhood outrage, my father decreed that I was to read a chapter of Emily Post's "Etiquette" every evening until I was civilized.

I bogged down somewhere around the section on when a gentleman lifts his hat.

Peter Post is the author of "Essential Manners for Men: What to do, when to do it and WHY." He is not easily flummoxed. And he is unfazed by the famous.

"There's some pretty crazy stuff going on out there," he acknowledged. "But the length of the average engagement is 14 months. That tells me couples are taking the time to make sure that the commitment is serious."

The antics of celebrities and exhibitionists are "not a reflection of society as a whole," Post soothed. "Fourteen-month engagements, that shows that traditions are important."

Or that chocolate fountains are booked way in advance.

According to a recent poll, more men than women (51 percent vs. 39 percent) agree that it's important to follow tradition when proposing. (You know, getting down on one knee, asking for her hand, as opposed to, say, spelling out MARRY ME BARB in anchovies on a frozen pizza.)

Also, 86 percent of men agree that it's more important for a proposal to be romantic (moonlight, our song) than for it to be elaborate (mimes, scuba gear).

The emphasis on romance probably leads to the preference for tradition. The traditional proposal has tested well on women; women seem to find it romantic. If you can believe what they say around Valentine's Day, most men haven't the faintest idea what women find romantic and would rather be told than guess.

Guesswork is also what makes the choice of engagement ring a challenge, but Peter Post is "not so enamored" of fiancees-to-be presenting a list of demands. So how can you avoid being stuck with a disappointing ring she may be tempted to drop down a drain accidentally on purpose to avoid wearing the hideous thing till death do us part?

Easy. Post's foolproof plan for gentlemen: Buy her a ring on your own, but make sure you can exchange it. He thinks it's important to offer a ring with the proposal, but that ring doesn't have to be The Ring. Though an onion ring is not going to send the right message.

The statistics I cited come from a survey about proposals conducted for Korbel Champagne, whose interest in the romance biz is understandable. Korbel is running a "Perfect Proposal Contest," in which contestants submit an ideal marriage proposal and can win help carrying it out, an engagement ring and, for the grand prize winner, a honeymoon cruise.

(Go to www.korbel.com for rules before Nov. 1 to enter. Hold the anchovies.)

For you gentlemen not ready to start that 14-month countdown, I begged a few dating tips from Mr. Post:

How to meet a woman: "Walk up and introduce yourself. Smile."

Date finance: "Whoever does the inviting pays."

How to break up with your girlfriend: "In a way that is understanding of the feelings of the person you're about to hurt. In person. In private. Preferably at her place, so she doesn't have to walk or drive home in an upset state." No Post-Its. And not in a restaurant. That's appropriate for a mob hit, not a heartbreak.

I asked Peter Post if a lady visiting the home of a gentleman should leave the toilet seat up. He said the default position is down. When he finished howling with (very polite) laughter.

Maybe the most useful and reassuring thing he told me was this: "We have to be really careful in our society not to take the media seriously."

Amen to that.