Benjamin Patton, Associated Press It's unlikely Terrell Owens said anythign questionable about these guys this week. He signs autographs for members of the armed forces after an Eagle practice at Lehigh University. Click photo for larger image.

As the National Football League completes its first week of exhibition play and the initial impressions of a fresh new season begin to crystallize, I imagine the primary question on the minds of the game's most ardent fans is rather obvious: Will Philadelphia's Terrell Owens be outing people throughout the autumn, or was this week's focus on Cleveland quarterback Jeff Garcia just something T.O. dreamed up to crack the monotony of training camp?

Owens, in case you've been too buried in Steelers depth charts to have noticed, told Playboy magazine that Garcia, his former 49ers teammate, if not openly gay, has impending gaydom bubbling just below the surface.

But not in those words.

The usually unforgettable Owens quote was: "Like my boy tells me; if it looks like a rat and smells like a rat, by golly, it is a rat."

Garcia, as if he didn't have enough to think about running a Browns offense that finished 28th in the league in scoring, then had to issue a denial, which was not exactly in his rhetorical playbook.

"It is really a waste of my time to sit here and to have to answer to such ridiculous, untrue comments that are made out there in the world today," Garcia said."

Owens then backed off a bit, but not totally. He instead ran a kind of verbal fade route.

"My thing was I didn't say that he was gay," Owens said. "Like I said, the conversation and my interview was loose and from my knowledge, I'm not sure if Jeff is gay or not."

Neither player offered the obligatory Seinfeldian "not that there's anything wrong with that."

There's no reason not to accept Garcia's denial on its face, but really, it's neither there nor here. One day we'll evolve as a culture to the point where a player's sexual preferences are of such little consequence that they can be listed right there on the roster just in case anyone's curious.

Joe Smith, offensive tackle, 6-6, 305, hetero.

Ed Johnson, quarterback, 6-4, 235, gay.

Steve Williams, wide receiver, 6-1, 208, bisexual.

Rob Jones, linebacker, 6-3, 252, cross dresser, but mostly just for the hell of it.

What I care about is that Owens, having established himself the league's unofficial arbiter of sexual orientation, shows that he's serious about it this season by regularly presenting awards to the AFC and NFC Gay of the Week.

Or something.

Otherwise, he'll just be all over the place, and I fear it will go something like this:

Cleveland, Oct. 24: Two and a half months after Terrell Owens tried to out him in a Playboy interview, heterosexual quarterback Jeff Garcia threw for 350 yards and three touchdowns to beat Owens' faltering Philadelphia Eagles, 31-20. Asked to comment after another explosive week of sexual charge and countercharge, Owens said only, "rats."

Pittsburgh, Nov. 4: Steelers coached Bill Cowher laughed off a suggestion that Terrell Owens was trying to gain a mental edge over his club in advance of Sunday's game against the Eagles when the controversial wideout intimated on the club's Web site that the entire Steelers secondary is gay. "That's all part of it," Cowher said. "There's a fine line in this business between gamesmanship and homophobia."

Dallas, Nov. 10: Five days before his team's critical NFC East Division showdown against the Eagles on Monday Night Football, Cowboys coach Bill Parcells issued and angry denial to charges by Eagles wideout Terrell Owens in the Dallas Morning News. "I'm not gay!" Parcells told his regular weekly news conference. "It's just so typical of Terrell Owens to Jap me in the papers like that. Oh geez, I did it again. Sorry you guys."

On his weekly radio show in Philadelphia, Owens stood by his comments. "If Parcells isn't gay, I'll kiss the star in the middle of the field at Texas Stadium and autograph it with a Sharpie. My thing is, like, c'mon, look at his hair!"

Philadelphia, Dec. 31: Terrell Owens punctuated a disappointing season for the Eagles with his most sweeping allegation yet, specifically that the defending Super Bowl champion New England Patriots are "mostly a gay organization."

In an interview with Boob magazine, Owens cited as irrefutable evidence the caricature of a Patriot on the side of the team's helmets. "My thing is, like, look at that guy on the helmet. He looks like one of the Village People. I mean, c'mon."

Philadelphia, Jan. 3: The Philadelphia Eagles today released embattled receiver Terrell Owens, whose disappointing performance deteriorated to the point that he had only four balls thrown to him in the season's final five games. "Oh man," said Eagles quarterback Donovan McNabb. "How gay am I going to be after that."