On the TV show "The Apprentice," some of the contestants were "fired" and thrown off the show by host Donald Trump largely because they couldn't stop squabbling with their teammates.

	Daniel Marsula, Post-Gazette Click for larger image.

In other words, the show looked a lot like the real workplace, where co-workers often have trouble working together.

Getting along on the job is crucial to getting ahead. But that's often easier said than done. How can you survive the vulgarities of the workplace -- the malcontents, incompetents and just plain unpleasant personalities -- and work in harmony with someone you can't stand?

The first thing to remember is to keep your cool, experts say. If you're red-in-the-face angry, not only will you escalate the conflict, but you'll also make yourself look bad -- even if you have valid concerns.

Besides looking unprofessional, "You really can't solve anything when people are all upset because of the emotions," said Gini Graham Scott, Oakland, Calif.-based author of the just-released book "A Survival Guide for Working with Humans."

If you feel yourself tensing up and ready to blow, take time out to cool off. "Never confront someone when you're feeling very upset, mad or frustrated," said Laurie Weingart, professor of organizational behavior at Carnegie Mellon University's Tepper School of Business.

"Take a piece of paper and write down what you want to tell the person," she said. If you're too emotionally charged, "you tend to pull out all the things in the past and the other person gets defensive and the problem escalates."

Once you've calmed down, there are a number of strategies you can use to help smooth conflicts and learn to get along.

One way is to try to keep focused on your job and the task at hand.

"You tend to minimize the aggravation and problem by saying, the important thing is to do my job," said Peter Handal, chief executive officer of Dale Carnegie Training, the workplace issues and self-improvement empire based in New York.

If you have a beef, talk it out in private, again being careful to keep your emotions in check. "Sometimes there are misunderstandings, and if you can bring them to the surface, then people can get beyond them and move on," CMU's Weingart said.

Also understand that it's OK to disagree, she said. The important thing is to respect each other's differences so you can hammer out a working relationship.

Empathizing and focusing on the other party's strong points can help you get past your emotions.

For instance, one of Dale Carnegie's top salespeople, who tended to rile colleagues because he was a braggart, seemed less abrasive after co-workers worked at recognizing his strength as a salesperson and seeing things from his point of view.

Handal coached them to say such things as, "Maybe if I had all these sales, I'd feel pretty good, too."

The boastful salesperson also needed some coaching.

"People can be so self-centered, they don't know how people perceive them," Handal said. When they find out, "most of the time it's a real shock."

When repeated attempts at compromise fail, sometimes the best thing is simply for the combatants to avoid each other, experts say.

Still, that strategy has its drawbacks because it pushes problems under the rug where they can fester, CMU's Weingart said.

"The risk is that problems will resurface over and over in different ways and forms," she said. "Problems also can grow to a boiling point, and when they boil over, things can get ugly."

Of course, when the person you have trouble dealing with is your boss, the situation is stickier since your job could be on the line. "There the only thing to do is focus on what your job is and do it," Handal said

Concentrating on your boss' strong points can help you cope. "Even the most obnoxious person has good qualities," he said.

Trying to understand what's behind your boss' actions can help you find better ways to interact, Weingart said.

When you don't approve of a person's actions, "The tendency is to say that person is a bad person," she said. "Step back. They might not be bad, but in a bad situation. Get an understanding of the context of what's driving them."

Then you can look for ways to facilitate your boss' and your success simultaneously.

"If the boss does better and is more visible in the firm, hopefully the people who work for him reap the benefit of that," Weingart said. "Think about being a 'go-to person' for your supervisor or boss."

The downside is you could be working for someone who takes credit for your work, she said. "That's a risk. You take the chance once, maybe twice. If it continues, you have other decisions to make about working with this individual."

Finally, if you're the one at work everyone has trouble getting along with, then watch out.

Most people who get fired for noneconomic reasons don't get the boot for doing a bad job, but because they lack the human relationship skills to work with others, Handal said.

Even if your troublemaking doesn't get you fired, it will crush your chances of ascending to the top, he said. "If you're someone people hate or can't stand, chances are you're not going to go far."