Humorist Dorothy Parker defined eternity as two people and a ham. And unless you dispatched your entire Easter ham at the dinner table or sent doggie bags home with guests, you'll be working on the leavings from ham to eternity.

At our house, the reason for baking a ham in the first place is so that we'll have a good stash for leftovers. The best slices are assigned to sandwich duty or frazzled in a skillet for breakfast. The first step is to trim the ham from the bone. Sort it into slices, chunks, bits, fat and that best part, the wonderful bone.

The bones

Senate bean soup is famous. Combine navy pea beans, soaked overnight and then cooked with the ham bone and chopped onion. To eliminate watching the pot, make the soup in a slow cooker or bake it in the oven.

Bury the bone in the cooking liquid at the start of any bean or legume dish. Before serving, add more chopped ham to taste. Pea soup, yellow or green, is a must. But try black beans, red pintos or limas for a change. Serve with a huge salad and crusty rolls.

Bits and pieces

Make ham salad for sandwiches or deviled ham for a spread. Use the same added ingredients, but for appetizer or cocktail canapes chop the ham mixture finer and season with a heavier hand. Ham spreads taste great on cheese bread, even better on dilly-bread. For every 2 cups of chopped cooked ham, add one of the following: .....

1/3cup mayonnaise and chopped sweet pickle relish.

2 tablespoons ketchup and a good dash of Tabasco.

1/2 cup finely chopped chutney.

1/2 cup finely chopped dill pickle and mayonnaise to bind.

2 teaspoons Dijon mustard and mayonnaise to bind.

Make corn fritters or even pancakes, adding a few tablespoons of minced ham to the batter. Serve with maple syrup and a side dish of fried apple rings.

Add ham slivers to almost any sauteed breast of chicken recipe to give it some oomph.

A long time ago, everybody loved chicken a la king. Dust off that recipe card and make it again, but this time add ham slivers and serve it over grocery-bought puff-pastry shells.

Ham and egging

Make a Denver omelet by folding sauteed onions, peppers and mushrooms, ham and Cheddar cheese down the center of the eggs. Top with a light tomato sauce.

But why go to the trouble of rolling the omelet? Scatter the Denver omelet goodies over an open face omelet and call it a frittata. In that case, add the cheese last and pop the omelet under the broiler to set the eggs and melt the cheese.

For a "Rio Grande" breakfast, combine eggs, ham and chopped tomato seasoned with salt, pepper and a little chili pepper. Scramble and serve with guacamole, salsa or sour cream. Top with chopped cilantro. Serve soft flour tortillas instead of toast.

Eggs Benedict are always delicious. Top toasted English muffins with a slice of ham and a poached egg and top with Hollandaise sauce. Fast Hollandaise: Melt 1/2 cup butter to bubbling, set aside. Into a blender container, put 3 pasteurized egg yolks, 2 tablespoons lemon juice, 1/4 teaspoons salt and a pinch of cayenne. Cover container and turn motor on low speed. Immediately remove cover and add butter in a steady stream. Makes 3/4 cup.

Eggs Jose is easier on the arteries. Top a corn or flour tortilla with fried ham, a poached egg and a good measure of peppery hot salsa. For a genuine Mexican touch, serve with hot chocolate.

Add minced ham to deviled egg filling.

Main dishes

Macaroni pie -- Kids absolutely love this. Make macaroni and cheese, your own or a mix, add 1/2 cup chopped ham and transfer the mixture to an unbaked pie shell. Top with a generous amount of additional grated cheddar cheese and dot with butter. Bake in a 425-degree oven for about 30 minutes or until both the pie crust and the topping are browned. Baked or stewed tomatoes are a good match, along with green salad.

Ham kebabs -- Thread big ham chunks onto skewers alternating with fresh pineapple chunks and squares of red sweet pepper. Brush kebabs with butter and grill until nicely browned. Serve with rice and fresh asparagus.

For the lunch box, make a mini-version of kebabs on toothpicks. Skewer ham with cubes of cheese, sweet melon, pineapple or grapes.

For a classic chef's salad bowl, piles of julienne ham, chicken, and American cheese combine with chopped hard-cooked eggs, tomatoes, lettuce and any other salad fixings.

Take advantage of the rainbow colors in the grocery, and stuff peppers this way for a change. Blanch yellow, red or orange peppers. Fill with a mixture of diced ham mixed with soft bread crumbs, dry mustard, chopped onion and parsley and bind with an egg. Top with a little grated cheese. Bake in a 350-degree oven until cooked. Serve with green beans, citrus salad and crusty rolls.

Make hot pasta primavera. Stir-fry chopped onion, garlic, sweet red pepper, slices of yellow and/or green zucchini until softened. Add a handful of chopped ham, a handful of peas, and enough heavy cream and grated Parmesan cheese to coat everything. Toss with an equal amount of hot cooked pasta.

Make cold pasta primavera salad. Combine cooked pasta (penne, tortellini, macaroni or any pasta that fits neatly onto a spoon or fork) with chopped mild onion, sweet red peppers, celery, cubed cheese, cubed ham, stuffed olives and any salad veggie, such as zucchini, broccoli or cauliflower florets and peas. Toss with a well-seasoned vinaigrette dressing. Serve with garlic toast.

When some Italian cooks combined yellow and green pasta, they named the dish "straw and hay." Ham is a natural addition. To make it, cook equal parts of regular egg pasta and spinach pasta to make 4 servings. Meanwhile, saute 3/4 pound mushrooms in 3 tablespoons butter along with a bit of chopped onion. Add a good handful chopped ham and 3/4< cup heavy cream. Season with salt and pepper and set aside. Combine cooked and drained pasta with mushroom mixture and toss to blend. Serve with freshly grated Parmesan cheese on the side, a big salad and crusty, country-style bread.

For a sturdy instant salad, add a few tablespoons of finely minced ham, onion, sweet red pepper and parsley to a drained can of black beans. Season with a few drops of olive oil, balsamic vinegar and red pepper flakes to taste. Let marinate for 15 minutes or so. Take a jar of this to work with crackers and fruit.

Make real hamburgers. Mix 2 cups ground cooked ham with an egg, 1/2 cup dry bread crumbs, 1 tablespoon dry mustard and enough heavy cream to bind. Shape into 4 patties and saute until well browned. Use a nonstick pan, or, if you dare, fry in a little bacon fat. Serve with honey-mustard sauce.

Ham loaf is meatloaf, too. Combine 1 pound ground ham, 1/2 pound ground beef, 1/2 pound ground pork, 1 cup freshly made bread crumbs, 1/4 teaspoon Tabasco, 3/4 cup instant dry milk, 1 onion chopped fine, 1 egg and 1 cup tomato juice. Turn into a buttered 1 1/2 quart casserole and bake at 325 degrees for 50 to 60 minutes. Serve with glazed sweet potatoes and watermelon pickle. Biscuits are a must.

Dig out your recipe for scalloped potatoes and add some ham to it. Cut the richness of the dish with a crisp salad of romaine, endive and a big handful of peppery watercress, all tossed with vinaigrette dressing. Bake apples in the same oven.

Some people still make souffles. If you do, now would be a good time to reprise a ham and cheese version. Instead of baking it in a fancy deep dish just to get the crown, try using a flat 12-inch oval casserole. It looks great and cuts the baking time.

OK, you've been expecting this. Make hash for supper, but reheat the third-generation leftovers for breakfast. Saute an onion and combine with chopped cooked potatoes and diced ham. Toss into a buttered skillet and cook until browned. Day or night, serve with chili sauce and wheat toast.

Add minced ham and chopped green chiles to corn muffin batter; add minced ham and grated cheese to a biscuit recipe. Both look pretty, taste zippy.

Use odd-size pieces of the fattier ham parts as a seasoning. Drop a chunk or two into the water when cooking green beans or cabbage for a nostalgic southern flavor.

Finally, if merely heating up a ham slice stretches the limits of your culinary prowess, feign cleverness. In a separate pan, heat canned peaches or pineapple with a bit of butter then sprinkle with cinnamon sugar. Dump the warm fruit on top of the ham slice. Serve with a smile.

If you still have leftover ham, send some to your congressman. He can add it to the pork barrel.