When someone loses a loved one, sometimes the hardest part for friends and family is coming up with what to say or send to the grieving person.

At it turns out, that was the hard part for the Good Grief Center for Bereavement Support, too.

The board of directors for the center, which has been open in Munhall for about 2¹*₂ years, easily decided that putting together a care package would be a good way to augment both the services they provide and their revenues.

Then they tried to figure out what to put into that package.

Lulu Orr, the executive director of the Good Grief Center, said there was a battle over bubble bath. Through discussions, directors realized that while most women would consider it a nice way to take care of themselves, most men would be put off.

Bubble bath did not make the cut.

The items that are included in the care package are a journal to write down thoughts and feelings, a pack of tissues for crying, a candle for remembrance, a long-distance telephone card for calling friends and relatives far away, a mug with tea and a magnetic picture frame that comes with words, such as feel, love and give; a packet of rosemary for remembrance, a pin with the good grief symbol and a pamphlet with tips on grieving.

Orr said the message of the package was, "It's OK to feel what you're feeling. And it's a whole process, so slow down and feel your feelings."

Once the organization came up with the idea for the care package, it needed to create and implement a business plan. For that and for the first 50 care packages, they received a $50,000 grant from an anonymous foundation.

The grief center, a comfortable space with bookshelves, couches, a private meeting room, a conference room and plenty of boxes of tissues, is on the second floor of the Carnegie Library of Homestead, which happens to be in Munhall.

The bookshelves hold the center's lending library of books and videos on death and grief. The couches provide a comfortable place to talk. There's a more private space around the corner.

Orr has a framed photograph of the space before it was the center's offices. It's a picture of broken plaster and peeling paint that only a home remodeler would love.

People can stop by or call the center, which is open six days and four evenings a week. The center provides peer support either in person or on the telephone. Volunteers also offer referrals to grief support groups. The center has provided support to 2,000 people since it opened.

Orr is the only full-time staff member. There are also three part-time employees, 31 active volunteers and 24 volunteers in training.

Two support groups meet at the center's offices. There are two other groups, one that meets at the Panera Bread Co. in Oakland and another at the Panera in Ross, for young adults. In addition to its own groups, the center keeps an up-to-date list of 92 grief support groups in Allegheny County and some groups in Butler and Westmoreland counties.

Orr said they would not publish a list, because as soon as it's printed, it's out of date, and there's nothing worse for someone who needs the support of a group than to show up and find out it's not meeting.

The budget for the center is $215,000, which comes through grants and donations. Orr said the people who receive services were never asked for donations.

Without any advertising or big rollout other than showing the care package off to the Pennsylvania Human Resources Association in October, the Good Grief Center has sold 70 care packages.

Orr said that over time, the organization wanted to put together six other care packages, including one with bubble bath, so that the people giving the packages can tailor them to the recipients.

The packages cost $49.95 with an additional $10 for shipping and handling, which Orr said was about as much as it would cost to send flowers.

While the package sales will never replace fund-raising for the organization, the hope is that by 2007, marketing the package can pull in a quarter of the annual budget.

To order a care package or to find out about bereavement services call 1-888-GRIEF88 or go online to www.ggconline.org.