Cody, a feisty third-grader who attends Sunday school with my son Mark, was quick to notice the new wrist cuffs that Mark, who has cerebral palsy, had begun wearing to keep his arms quiet. And he was quick to be inspired by their similarity to law enforcement handcuffs. Attaching one end of the cuffs to his own wrist, Cody pretended to be a criminal restrained by Mark, a police officer.

	Resources "Supporting Friendships for All Students" by Carol Tashie and Zach Rossetti, is part of a series entitled "Quick-Guides to Inclusion 3," available from Paul H. Brookes Publishing Company, 1-800-638-3775, www.brookespublishing.com "The Anatomy of Friendships" is the subject of the January/February 2004 issue of TASH Connections, the newsletter of TASH, an organization that supports the inclusion and full participation of children and adults with disabilities. To order, call 410-828-8274 or visit www.tash.org. The Center for Creative Play, 1400 S. Braddock Ave., Swissvale, is an inclusive play space for children of all abilities. Call 412-371-1668 or visit www.cfcp.org. Unique Community Part-nership for Kids (UCP Kids) supports children with disabilities who want to join recreation activities such as scouts and sports leagues. The program, sponsored by United Cerebral Palsy of Pittsburgh, provides "family partners" who work with organizations to facilitate children's inclusion. UCP Kids is offering "Can I Play, Too?", a free, two-day workshop on community inclusion and friendship development on 5:30 to 9:30 p.m., April 15 and 8:30 a.m. to 12:30 p.m. April 16 from at the UCP Community Service Centre, 4638 Centre Ave., Oakland. To register, call 412-683-7100, ext. 323.

I looked on with pleasure as both children reveled in play, grateful that the easygoing Sunday school teachers allowed it. Peak friendship moments like these do not happen often enough for Mark, whose disability usually creates more barriers to play than openings.

Their friendship had evolved from a rather unpromising beginning. Upon meeting each other as 5-year-olds, Cody blurted out, "He scares me." Although I knew he meant no offense -- his response was a natural reaction to Mark's peculiar equipment and appearance -- tears welled up in me in recognition of a truth: Friendship does not come easy for kids with disabilities.

Childhood friendships are essential to healthy emotional development. Unfortunately, many children with disabilities do not have friends. Too often, their leisure time is spent with family members and other adults, or with the television or computer.

To parents, teachers and other caring adults, the barriers to friendship created by disability are not only heart-wrenching but daunting. We know that we can't make friendships happen. What we may not realize is that we can create the optimal conditions for friendships to grow.

Inclusive education researchers Carol Tashie and Zach Rossetti have spent the last several years studying how to facilitate friendships for children with and without disabilities. They have written a guide that, although geared for teachers, provides common-sense advice to all adults in a child's life.

First, say the authors, we adults need to examine our beliefs. If we want to encourage friendships for a child with disabilities, we must believe that the child will make a great friend. This point may sound obvious, but even the most loving adult might doubt that a child with mobility, speech or cognitive limitations can sustain a friendship and have something to offer.

Likewise, the ways that adults behave and speak in the presence of children with disabilities influence friendships. When parents, teachers and other important adults treat these children as valued, capable and interesting individuals, other children follow their lead. Conversely, when an adult places undue focus on the child's disability, other children may not look past the label. Teachers, in particular, are in the ideal position to help children see each other's gifts and talents.

Nurturing friendship requires ample time and space. Play dates, birthday parties, recreational events and classrooms are opportunities for adults to help children connect. It takes time -- sometimes months, even years -- for unfamiliarity to fall away.For a variety of reasons, children with disabilities don't get enough of this time and space; they don't get invited to many birthday parties or other leisure activities. Adults may not know how the child with disabilities can participate. Adults need to think through these social situations and figure out how the child can join in.

Finally, Tashie and Rossetti warn us to "pay attention to what friendship is and isn't." True friendships are born out of natural affinity, not pity. Friendship can't be forced or dictated. When it occurs, it's magic. Adults who sense the potential for magic between children need to provide time and space for friendship to grow.

It's a big commitment for adults, but a rewarding one. For Mark and his friend Jearim, it means planning trips to UPMC SportsWorks. For Mark and his friend Joey, it means transforming home into a place where they can create and stage plays. For Mark and his friend Keith, it means scheduling dates at each other's houses to play board games and watch movies.

None of this is so different from what any parent does for a child. Sure, Mark's wheelchair and other equipment present logistical issues, and the parents of his friends have had to learn some new things. But the feeling we all seem to share is satisfaction.

So keep the faith and keep creating the conditions for magic to happen.