Let's get something straight right away: Soccer is football. Football is soccer. The NFL might be successful, but a foot rarely touches the ball in that game, so what they play is not football.

With that in mind, football makes its Heinz Field debut July 29 when Chelsea FC (as in football club) takes on AS (Italian for FC, I guess) Roma. These teams are giants of the sport. Chelsea stands second in the English Premier League, Roma second in Italy's Serie A. Football experts everywhere say that with a few bounces and breaks, either of these teams could have won the AFC North.

Football is a better game than what the NFL plays. The rest of the world isn't wrong. Dismissing football as a sissy game played by guys in shorts that always ends in a scoreless tie exemplifies the arrogant, isolationist thinking that causes America to be so despised globally.

Anyway, Pitt's basketball team wears shorts. And it's only by the grace of a couple lucky shots that one of their games didn't end in a scoreless tie this year.

Football has spontaneous creativity. When you watch a football match, there's a chance you might see something that's never happened before. The game the NFL plays has exhausted all the possibilities. Successful repetition might be seen as a virtue in the NFL, but it's not very entertaining.

Be honest: Is it fun to watch Jerome Bettis fall forward three times in a row, gaining 3.2 yards per? When was the last time you saw something truly unique happen in an NFL game? You didn't. The NFL has playbooks. Football doesn't. You need a good memory to play in the NFL. You need intelligence to play football. Not sure where all this leaves Plaxico Burress.

Football players such as Pele, Maradona and George Best scored signature goals. Goals that no one has seen before or since. In the NFL, even the greatest leaping catch is just another leaping catch. That said, Lynn Swann might have looked pretty good on the wing for Liverpool FC.

There's obviously more athleticism required to play football than any other sport. There's limited substitution, no time outs and no stopping between plays. The amount of cardiovascular conditioning required is unreal. Agility, strength, speed and foot-eye coordination are valued at every position, and you don't necessarily benefit by having freak-show height or width.

Football is an honest game. No steroids scandal in football. Manchester United's Rio Ferdinand got suspended eight months for missing a drug test. Not for flunking one; for missing one.

Football undoubtedly has the best international competitions. Nothing rivals the World Cup. Football rallies nations. And not just Steeler Nation.

Time to learn something about the teams playing July 29 at Heinz Field. Chelsea's leading scorer is Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink, which has got to be the coolest name a Dutch guy ever had. His parents must have watched "Hee Haw."

Chelsea is owned by Russian oil billionaire Roman Abramovich, who spent more than $200 million upgrading his roster last summer. Abramovich is reportedly interested in investing in an NHL team, preferably one with outstanding Russian players. Aleksey Morozov's hot streak may yet pay off.

Roma's leading scorer is Francesco Totti. The names of most of Roma's other players sound remarkably like Francesco Totti.

It's a long shot, but the Chelsea-Roma game here could get a big boost if Chelsea, as rumored, acquires David Beckham.

Beckham isn't the best football player in the world, but he's undoubtedly the most famous. He moved from Manchester United to Real Madrid last summer, but his wife -- the incredibly gorgeous Posh Spice -- reportedly doesn't like Spain. Something about too many Spaniards. The Beckhams have a home in London, which is where Chelsea plays, and Abramovich has the cash to do it. Beckham could be bought out of his Real deal for a bit more than Abramovich spent on his whole roster last summer. That's right, more than $200 million for one player.

Steelers fans are probably upset about prancing skinny dudes invading their hallowed turf, but didn't 'N Sync perform a concert there? On the bright side, beer will be sold. I'm counting on local fans to be on their best behavior. Spectators in Rome lit their stadium on fire last weekend. Before playing with matches, we should remember that Heinz Field was paid for with your tax dollars.

I'm also hoping that the Heinz Field faithful can come up with some original football songs and chants. Hey, I got one: "Here we go, Chelsea, here we go ..."