Tick, tock. Tick, tock. The clock is ticking on the existence of the Penguins in Pittsburgh.

An informed source tells me that if funding for a new arena in Pittsburgh isn't set in stone by the time the NHL and its players' union reach a new collective bargaining agreement, Mario Lemieux will sell the team to the highest bidder. Said highest bidder will relocate the team to another city.

At that point, you couldn't blame Lemieux for salvaging his investment. He was owed $32.5 million when the Penguins went into bankruptcy in 1999. Lack of a new arena would keep the team from ever being profitable, so it's only fair that Lemieux recoup what he's owed somehow.

Furthermore, no matter what any politicos say now, Lemieux was promised a publicly funded new arena when he bought the team. He has since been double-crossed.

Many factors could weigh in between now and the day the moving vans arrive at Mellon Arena. Slots may yet be legalized in Pennsylvania. Gov. Ed Rendell seems unlikely to let any big-time pro sports teams leave Pennsylvania on his watch.

County Executive-elect Dan Onorato recently said that no county money will be used for a new arena. He was right. County money isn't -- and has never been -- part of the plan for a new arena. Nor was county money used to build Heinz Field or PNC Park.

Money for arenas and stadiums comes from the Regional Assets District (RAD) fund. If a new arena isn't built, it's not as if the money saved would be used to hire more policemen. RAD money doesn't come out of the city or county operational budgets. The RAD fund is specifically for projects such as arenas.

When Onorato said that no county money would be used to build a new arena, he took a free shot. He can't be wrong, and he endeared himself to crotchety old taxpayers.

Looking at the bigger picture, do any of you realize that the city of Pittsburgh is collapsing? The city's monumental debt is certainly of great concern, but chasing residents and sports teams out of town is no way to remedy that. Trimming the political fat and eliminating unnecessary jobs is a much better way to go.

What does Pittsburgh have besides its sports teams? What is Pittsburgh known for besides its sports teams?

Pittsburgh is well on its way to becoming Rochester, N.Y., on its way to becoming Braddock. Pittsburgh is on its way to becoming a whole lot of nothing.

What else does Pittsburgh have going for it? Culture? Don't make me laugh.

Here's the recent "culture" count: Yakov Smirnov and his 20-year-old Russian immigrant schtick at the Byham. Linda Gray, former star of the "Dallas" TV series, in "The Graduate" at The Benedum Center. "Dallas" went off the air in 1991. A one-man show about Art Rooney, Sr., which is about as small-town as it gets. To wit, Broadway doesn't feature a musical on the life of Wellington Mara.

Our symphony serves as a feeder system for other bigger, better symphonies. Maybe it should hire Lloyd McClendon as conductor.

We need to stop talking about building a new hockey arena. A new arena wouldn't just be for hockey. It would also be for concerts, circuses, tractor pulls, ice shows, wrestling and the Promise Keepers. Mario would probably enjoy having someone around that keeps a promise.

A new arena would bring people and money into the city a couple of hundred dates per year. It would be a much better investment than Heinz Field, which opens its doors 20 times a year.

Here's a sad scenario: The Penguins leave, then Pittsburgh builds a new arena a few years later because the ancient state of Mellon Arena starts chasing away other business. Heck, that's already started. Paul McCartney didn't play Pittsburgh on his last tour because Mellon Arena couldn't handle the physical logistics of his show. Celine Dion canceled her show at Mellon Arena for the same reasons.

We also need to stop entertaining the thought that it's possible to build an arena with private funds. Sure, it happened in Columbus, Ohio, thanks to Nationwide Insurance. But we have no such benefactor in Pittsburgh.

Nationwide already owned the land the Columbus arena is built on. That not only facilitated the project greatly, it made possible profits through the development of adjacent land -- land Nationwide also owns.

Columbus is the exception, not the rule. Columbus doesn't show it can be done. Columbus shows it's nearly impossible to do.

Maybe the Penguins don't count because they're not good right now. Because Lemieux had the unmitigated gall to acknowledge life outside the paradise we call Pittsburgh when he made playing for Canada in the Olympics his priority in 2002. Because the Penguins aren't the Steelers.

I often wonder if Pittsburghers would be happier if the Steelers were the only sports team in town.

Be careful what you wish for.