L.V. ANDERSON

Bard of the bar and grill

Guy Fieri's menu is more profound than you might think

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The website Eater unveiled the menu for Food Network star Guy Fieri’s Vegas Kitchen & Bar this week and it is chockablock with “wow-sabi cream,” “gnarly Greek salad” and “Guy’s famous donkey sauce.” It’s also chockablock with exclamation points — 21 by my count, starting with the first item on the menu. (Sashimi Won-Tacos are allegedly “Everyone’s fave ’cuz they’re wicked tasty!”)

But would Mr. Fieri’s menu sound quite as jocular without all those excitable punctuation marks? When I started taking the exclamation points out, I discovered that some of Mr. Fieri’s descriptions of greasy bar food convey a powerful poignancy.

The following poem is comprised of 10 of the exclamations from Guy Fieri’s Vegas Kitchen & Bar menu. The sentences have been copied verbatim, except that their exclamation points have been replaced with other punctuation.

Ode on a Gnarly Greek Salad

Truffle, truffle + more truffle,

Love, peace & taco grease.

They might not end the world, but they’ll end your hunger.

We have built this salad in a crown of prosciutto-wrapped smoked provolone:

Go big or go home.

All our richly marbled 100% USDA choice ground beef is smash-grilled —

Try Guy’s blue-sabi sauce to put out the fire.

We make these wings a flavorful phenomenon with a sweet + spicy sauce that

will make your head spin.

This one packs a punch.

L.V. Anderson writes for Slate.



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