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Think Tank: Love in a lifetime Seniors say relationships with families, spouses matured with the years Sunday, February 11, 2001 By Lynda Guydon Taylor, Post-Gazette Staff Writer
It's no secret half of American marriages end in divorce. But what of the other half of couples who wed for keeps? What's their secret to staying till death parts them?
Some clues may be found among the Think Tank crew -- seniors married, happily from all accounts, anywhere from 20 to 48 years. So they were asked: What happens to love in the senior years?
For them, it appears love, as is said so often of wine and cheese, improves and even mellows with age.
For Maya Patch of Carroll, it's got a lot to do with maturity.
"When you first get married, you have a lot of growing up to do. When you first get married, you get married for the physical side," Patch said. She and husband Ronald have been married for 44 years.
But as her children grew and moved out of the house, she and her husband grew closer. Relieved of the responsibility and stress of child rearing, they now have plenty of time for each other. They also realized as they aged they didn't know how long they'd be together and wanted to make the best of whatever time they have.
"When you get older, you realize it doesn't make sense not to talk to one another. If your marriage has blossomed into something good, you really appreciate one another," she said.
It also means seeing one's spouse as beautiful and attractive as when one first married.
Elmer "Elmo" George, wed 45 years before his wife, Mary Agnes, died, found love grew more meaningful as they aged.
"What is love? If you're confining it to the later years, it becomes more caring and more considerate. I have found up until a certain point in my life, my love became deeper and deeper and deeper and that was because of my mate," said George, of South Franklin.
Like Patch, Sam Cushey of Peters has found that fewer responsibilities means more time for his spouse. Sometimes the pressure is such that young couples don't have the time to devote to a relationship that older people do.
"I think yesterday there was more value put on marriage. It's too easy to get into and out of," said Cushey, married 48 years to wife Barbara.
Also, he said, most seniors are better off financially and therefore able to do more things together.
Bernie Hobach of Washington, married 39 years to wife Rita, agreed seniors don't have the stress that young couples do. As couples age, there's more communication between them, which helps.
Bill Brna of Carroll lamented the couples who don't or can't stick around for the payoffs of a long-term relationship. Love takes a long time to develop, and people who get divorced or tire of the marriage don't see what it could be, said Brna, married for 41 years to wife Lyn.
The best expression of long-term love is that he and his wife take extended road trips together, and at the end of the trip they are still talking, Brna said, laughing.
These days, as soon as people hit a bump, they want out of the marriage, Cushey said, which prevents them from seeing all the relationship has to offer.
Spousal love isn't the only kind that matures with age, however. As people age, there's more opportunity to appreciate different kinds of love, George said. Not only do older married people find a deeper love for their spouses but also for their families. Young people take a narrow approach to love, focusing only on romance.
Verteree Johnson of Clarksville, a widow after 20 years of marriage to husband Richard, enjoys seeing a married couple grow old together, an opportunity she wasn't afforded.
"Everyone needs to be loved, and those are the people [who've lost someone] who are left in a bind as to how to carry on," she said. "They've lost interest in everything. I think it's sad when they do that."
A widow since 1975, Johnson said she threw herself into raising her children, then a granddaughter, and into working. She also earned a bachelor's degree last year in psychology at California University of Pennsylvania.
"I think I turned my love to my family and they in turn reciprocated. People put love in a sexual context, and it doesn't have to be that [way]."
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