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Wednesday, September 11, 2002

By Susan Jacobs

A year later, Scott Wahlstrom still has trouble comprehending that his mother and sister are gone. Mary Alice Wahlstrom, 78, and Carolyn Ann Wahlstrom Beug, 49, were on American Airlines Flight 11, the first of two airplanes to crash into the World Trade Center on Sept. 11.

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"I'm still in disbelief," said Wahlstrom, of Cranberry. "It's very shocking."

When news of the terrorist attacks in New York first reached him, Wahlstrom wasn't concerned about his mother and sister, who were flying from Boston to California. They were returning home after spending several days with Beug's twin daughters, Lauren and Lindsay, now 19, who were starting their freshman year at the Rhode Island School of Design in Providence.

But as the day wore on, and he hadn't heard from them, Wahlstrom became concerned. He found out that the two women had been scheduled to fly on American Airlines. A phone call confirmed that they had been aboard the doomed flight.

"It's so sudden and final," he said. "It just really makes you appreciate how fragile our lives are on this Earth."

His mother's death seemed more real to him when he read her death certificate.

"It really came home to me. It said she was murdered," Wahlstrom said.

Despite his sorrow, Wahlstrom said he and his family have a lot to be grateful for. He said there was a tremendous outpouring of sympathy from his friends and co-workers when they heard of his loss.

One close friend was particularly comforting to Wahlstrom. When that friend was diagnosed with lymphoma in May and underwent chemotherapy, which caused him to lose his hair, Wahlstrom shaved his own head to show his friendship and support.

"He was with me every moment of that tragedy," Wahlstrom said. "It just made me feel that I could show my support to him." The friend is now cancer-free.

Wahlstrom said he has found comfort in his religious beliefs. "I feel like I'll see my mom and sister again and I hold onto that faith," he said.

He's also tried to focus on the happy memories he shared with his loved ones.

He and his wife, Kaye, have four children: Eric, 14; Spencer, 12; Emily, 8; and Courtney, 4. "They all remember Mom and Carolyn," Wahlstrom said. "We talk about them often, and try to keep it positive."

But in the last year, he's found himself becoming emotional at unexpected moments.

"I find myself real touched by things that I wouldn't have been touched by before," he said. "I get real sad sometimes."

Mary Alice Wahlstrom had been an avid golfer, and twice in her life scored holes in one. A few months ago, Scott Wahltstrom got one himself.

"When I got the hole in one, I looked up to heaven and I said, 'Mom, I hope you're watching that.' She would have been very proud of me," he said.

Wahlstrom said he is grateful for the warm relationships he had with his mother and sister. He used to speak to his mother every day, and he spoke to her the Sunday evening before her death.

He had also just gotten to see her at her home in Kaysville, Utah -- Wahlstrom was staying with his ailing father for a few days so his mother could make the Rhode Island trip.

Wahlstrom's father, Norman Wahlstrom, 84, suffered a heart attack in November 2000 and had been under the care of his wife, a retired loan officer. The former World War II pilot and former Utah state legislator has since moved to an assisted living facility in the Pittsburgh area.

Wahlstrom said the loss has been difficult for his father, but he has pulled through.

"When you compare my loss to his, it's incomparable," Wahlstrom said. "He is truly a model of courage."

In January, Wahlstrom accepted two commemorative flags in memory of his mother and sister. He said he felt the flags would be a comfort to his father.

His nieces are also doing extraordinarily well, Wahlstrom said.

"My sister went to prepare them for college. Really, she went to prepare them for life." He said the girls' closeness to each other has helped them through the ordeal.

He finally visited Ground Zero in March while on a business trip to New York.

"It's very difficult, emotional, to be there. Mom and Carolyn perished over that site," Wahlstrom said. He felt a sort of magnetic attraction to the ruins. "There's no closure that Mom is really gone."

Wahlstrom said he wasn't sure what he and his family would do today, though he said he probably would stay home from his job at Wabtec Corp. in Wilmerding.

Mary Alice Wahlstrom was a people person, he said, the type of person everyone thought of as a friend, someone who was easy to talk to and get close to. She had five children -- four sons and one daughter.

Beug lived in Santa Monica, Calif. In addition to the twins, she had a son, Nick, who is 14.

A former Disney executive, Beug had been working as a free-lance writer. At the time of her death, she was writing a children's book on Noah's Ark.

Susan Jacobs is a free-lance writer.