You can just see this whole 11-foot FrankenOprah idea going way wrong, with people along the North Shore being the innocent victims.
Nonetheless, Kiss-FM (96.1) will proceed with its annual bash at Stage AE Saturday night, this year titled Trannies, Grannies and the 11-Foot FrankenOprah, a product of Morning Freak Show team Mikey and Big Bob's obsession with the former queen of afternoon talk, and her excitable "Oprah voice!"
"There will be costumes, a performance by Karmin, more costumes, a performance by Outasight, more costumes and ... a real 11-foot FrankenOprah," says Mikey Dougherty.
Mikey is already up around 7 feet tall, so it wouldn't take much to raise him up a few more feet.
"Not me in the 11-foot FrankenOprah costume," he declares, "BUT Sally Wiggin has told us that she's coming to the party in a tiger costume ... so there's that."
Kiss, which caters to the young Top 40 crowd -- plus people like Eileen from Blawnox -- is going up against the Bruce Springsteen concert at Consol that night. Does Mikey think it would be worth people unloading those tickets and opting for Trannies, Grannies instead?
"They could sell their Springsteen tickets for a TON," he explains, "then come to our party AND buy our entire staff beers for the night. That would work."
Either way, Mikey expects this year's party to be scarily similar to past ones.
"I always wake up the next morning after our Halloween party still in my costume wondering what happened. This year will be no different."
Trannies, Grannies and The 11-Foot FrankenOprah begins at 8 p.m. and will feature a costume contest with prizes. Tickets are $25. www.ticketmaster.com; 1-800-745-3000.
Here's a look at some other Halloween events:
PITTSBURGH TERROR TROLLEY TOURS Depart from Station Square. Thurs.-Sat. through October as well as Oct. 31, 7 and 9 p.m. 412-281-2085, www.mollystrolleyspittsburgh.com.
GATEWAY CLIPPER FLEET Halloween Fun Cruise Sat. 11 a.m. and 1:30 p.m. Adults $25; children $12. 412-355-7980; www.gatewayclipper.com.
HALLOWBOO! Family Halloween celebration, with trick-or-treating in Story Book Forest, themed rides and costumed characters. Idlewild Park, Ligonier. Sat.-Sun. $26.99. Free admission for age 2 and younger. 724-238-3666; www.idlewild.com.
PUMPKIN PATCH TROLLEY Trolley rides and pumpkin patch. Pennsylvania Trolley Museum, near Washington County Fairgrounds. Ends Sun. Fri.-Sun. 10 a.m.-5 p.m. Adults $9, seniors $8, children 1-15 $7, under age 1 free. 724-228-9256; www.pa-trolley.org.
NORTHERN NIGHTMARES "Witches Brew," Broadway and pop music blended into an original story line about The Witch of Halloween, Strand Theater, 119 N. Main St., Zelienople, Fri.-Sat. 7:30 p.m. and Sun. 2 p.m.; $15-$20 adults; $10-$15 for children under 12. The Nightmare Tour, -- Trolley tours of alleged haunted locales in Zelienople and Harmony, Fri.-Sat. 6:30, 7:30, 8:30 and 9:30 p.m.; adults $15, children 12 and under $9. 724-742-0400; www.northernnightmares.com.
HAUNTED PITTSBURGH TOURS Downtown Pittsburgh walking tour, Fri.-Sat. 7 p.m.; $15. Mount Washington/Incline tour, Sat. 7 and 9 p.m. and Oct. 30-31 at 7:30 and 9:30 p.m.; $18. Oakland, Sun. 6 p.m. through Oct. 28; $15.
GHOST TOURS Nemacolin Castle, 136 Front St., Brownsville. Ends Sun. Sat.-Sun. noon-5 p.m. Adults $8, children 12 and under $4.
ALLEN'S HAUNTED HAYRIDES A wagon takes passengers on a ride through the woods, cornfields and into the "Haunted Barn." Carnival rides, games and concessions. 2430 Pittsburgh Road, Smock, Fayette County. Fri. 7:30-10 p.m.; Sat. 7:30-10:30 p.m.; Sun. and Tues.-Wed. 7:30-9 p.m. $12. 724-677-2589; www.allenshayrides.com/index.html.
OWL-O-WEEN National Aviary, 700 Arch St., North Side. 11 a.m.-3 p.m. Sat. Free with general admission, $13. 412-323-7235; www.aviary.org.
KDKA ZOOBOO Haunted House, Ghost Trail, Halloween Village and 96.9 BOB FM & Q929 Monster Splash. Pittsburgh Zoo & PPG Aquarium. Mon.-Tues. 11 a.m.-4 p.m. Free with admission ($14). 412-665-3640; www.pittsburghzoo.org.
HALLOWEEN HAPPENINGS AT PHIPPS CONSERVATORY Family-friendly activities and healthy snacks provided Fri. 4-8 p.m. Free with admission ($12). 412-622-6914; www.phipps.conservatory.org.
WOODLANDS FAMILY FRIENDLY HAUNTED TRAIL A "not so scary" haunted trail, storytelling, face painting and more. Refreshments. Admission free but donations appreciated. Sat. 4-8 p.m. The Woodlands, 134 Shenot Road, Marshall. www.woodlandsfoundation.org.
HALLOWEEN AT CHILDREN'S MUSEUM OF PITTSBURGH SPOOK-TACULAR Family-friendly event with black and orange craft-making, trick-or-treating throughout the museum and a costume parade. Fri. 5:30-7:30 p.m. Children's Museum of Pittsburgh, North Side. Members free. Guests $11. RSVP at 412-322-5058, ext. 274, or email email@example.com.
HOLLYWOOD HALLOWEEN PARTY Includes screening of "Nosferatu" and three spooky silent shorts. Sat. 8-11 p.m. 1449 Potomac Ave., Dormont. $20, $25. www.showclix.com.
HALLOWEEN TRAIL Canonsburg General Hospital Fitness Trail, 100 Medical Blvd., Thurs. 4-5:30 p.m. Free to children under 12. 724-745-3914 or www.wpahs.org/events/halloween-trail-0.
MONSTER ENGINE HALLOWEEN PARTY With guest David Devries. ToonSeum, 945 Liberty Ave., Downtown. Sat. 1-3 p.m. $10 children; $5 adults. 412-232-0674 or www.toonseum.org.
GREAT PUMPKIN SPOOKTACULAR Fern Hollow Nature Center, 1901 Glen Mitchell Road, Sewickley, Sat. 7 p.m. Members $15 per family/nonmembers $25 per family. Registration requested at 412-741-6136 or firstname.lastname@example.org.
TURNER CEMETERY HISTORY WALK 3424 Beechwood Blvd., Squirrel Hill/Greenfield, Sat. 11 a.m.-3 p.m. Free. www.turnercemetery.org or Sandy Rim at email@example.com or Helen Wilson at firstname.lastname@example.org.
MYSTERY & HISTORY TOUR Andrew Carnegie Free Library & Music Hall, 300 Beechwood Ave., Carnegie, Sun. 6 p.m. $15. 412-276-3456.
HAUNTED HALLOWEEN AT COMPASS INN MUSEUM 6-9 p.m. Fri.-Sat.; 5-8 Sun. Laughlintown. 724-238-4983.
HALLOWEEN MAYHEM Treats, games, giant puppets and a costume parade at the Kelly-Strayhorn Theater as part of the theater's FAMILYtime series. Features Mr. McFeely of "Mister Roger's Neighborhood" and illusionist Eric Starkey. Families also will be able to create masks, mosaic picture frames, LED-light jewelry and Halloween animal ears. The IAS Christian Contemporary Dance Company and the Hope Academy of Music and the Arts will perform. Sat. 10 a.m.-2 p.m. Free. www.kelly-strayhorn.org. DJ Zombo and RANT Productions unleash.
ZOMBIE BOWLING BALL Features Ohio garage-surf band The Graveyard Rockers and Zombie Gals Pin Up contest. Showing up in zombie attire for a free bowling pass for your next visit. Tues. 8 p.m. Arsenal Bowling Lanes, Lawrenceville. 21 and over; free.
PHANTOM FRIGHT NIGHTS 11th year features BioFear, Voodoo Bayou, Mortem Manor, Villa of the Vampires and other frights. Kennywood Park. Ends Sat. 7 p.m.-1 a.m. Fri.-Sat. $28.99; $25.99 at Giant Eagles. Not recommended for children under 13. 412-461-0500; www.phantomfrightnights.com.
HAUNTED HILLS HAYRIDE AND THE VALLEY OF DARKNESS HAUNTED WALKING TRAIL Route 48, North Versailles. Oct. 25-28, 30-31 and Nov. 2-3. Fri.-Sat. 7-11 p.m.; Sun. and weekdays 7-10 p.m. $12; $17 for both. www.hauntedhillshayride.com.
HUNDRED ACRES MANOR HAUNTED HOUSE New this year: Brine Slaughterhouse, an abandoned meat-processing plant. Other attractions: Massacre Manor, The Maze, The Family: Unearthed and South Valley Hospital. Hundred Acres Drive, off Corrigan Drive, South Park. Through Nov. 3. 7-10 p.m. Sun.-Thurs.; 7-11:30 p.m. Fri.-Sat. $18. 412-851-4286; www.hundredacresmanor.org.
THE SCAREHOUSE Three attractions: The Forsaken, Pittsburgh Zombies and Creepo's Christmas in 3-D, a new event. May be too intense for children under 13. 118 Locust St., Etna. 7 p.m.-midnight Oct. 26-27, Nov. 2-3; and 7-10 p.m. Oct. 25, 28, 30-31, Nov. 1. $14.99-$19.99. 412-781-5885; www.scarehouse.com.
TERROR TOWN Paranormal Testimony theme at the second year of Pittsburgh's largest indoor haunting attraction. 17th and Smallman streets, Strip District. Ends Sun. 7 p.m.-midnight Fri.-Sat.; 7-10 p.m. Sun. $18.99. 412-315-7331; www.terrortownpgh.com.
CHEESEMAN FRIGHT FARM Halloween hay ride, with audio and visual effects. 147 Kennedy Road, Portersville, Butler County. Ends Sun. Dusk Thurs.-Sun. $15. 724-368-3233; www.cheesemanfrightfarm.com.
DEMON HOUSE 417 Coyle Curtain Road, Monongahela. Oct. 25-28. Light Out nights ($20, glowsticks provided) Oct. 31; Nov. 2-3. 7 p.m.-midnight Fri.-Sat.; 7-10 p.m. Sun.. $17. www.demonhouse.com.
FRIGHT FARM Farmageddon theme; includes Haunted Mansion, Haunted Hayride and Terror Maze. Rich Farms, Route 857, Smithfield, Fayette County. Ends Wed. Sun., Wed. and Thurs. from dusk-10 p.m.; Fri.-Sat. dusk-midnight. Haunted Mansion $19; Haunted Hayride, $15; Terror Maze, $10. All attractions, $25; a combination of two attractions, $23. Student discount on Wednesdays. 724-564-7644 or 1-888-564-7644; www.frightfarm.com.
CASTLE BLOOD The 20th anniversary will be held at a new all-indoor location at 11 Eastgate Ave., Monessen. Oct. 26-28, 31. 7-11 p.m. Fri.-Sat.; 7-9 p.m. Sun. $15. Matinee, daytime and no-scare tours for children Oct. 28 from 1-4 p.m. for $7.50. 724-314-3563; www.castleblood.com.
LINCOLN CAVERNS GHOSTS AND GOBLINS 29th annual haunted house and trail. U.S. Route 22, 7703 William Penn Highway, Huntingdon. Ends Sat. Fri.-Sat. 1-814-643-0268. www.lincolncaverns.com.
MISCHIEF MANOR The former Victory Haunted House is reopening for tours of the "haunted" schoolhouse. 2820 Douglas Run Road, Elizabeth Township. $10. Through Nov. 3. 724-489-1115; www.mischief-manor.comuf.com.