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A little nose humor
Wednesday, October 24, 2001
Would you rather be witty about your nose? Here's how Steve Martin's character humiliated a wise guy in the film "Roxanne" who had criticized Martin's sarcastic comeback to an insult about his huge nose. Smugly, the wise guy asks Martin: Can't you do better than that?
Martin, of course, could. Here are 20 of his something betters: (See Dane's Joke Page at www.well.com/www/danemcg/jokes.html for five more.)
1. Obvious: "Excuse me, is that your nose, or did a bus park on your face?"
2. Meteorological: "Everybody take cover, she's going to blow!"
3. Fashionable: "You know, you could de-emphasize your nose if you wore something larger, like Wyoming."
4. Personal: "Well, here we are, just the three of us."
5. Punctual: "All right, Dellman, your nose was on time, but you were fifteen minutes late."
6. Envious: "Ooh, I wish I were you, to be able to smell your own ear."
7. Naughty: "Pardon me, sir, some of the ladies have asked if you wouldn't mind putting that thing away."
8. Philosophical: "You know, it's not the size of a nose that's important, it's what's in it what matters."
9. Humorous: "Laugh and the world laughs with you; sneeze and it's goodbye Seattle."
10. Commercial: "Hi, I'm Earl Scheib, and I can paint that nose for $39.95."
11. Polite: "Ah, would you mind not bobbing your head? The, ah, orchestra keeps changing tempo."
12. Melodic: (Everybody) "He's got the whole world.. in his nose."
13. Sympathetic: "Ooh, what happened, did your parents lose a bet with God?"
14. Complimentary: "You must love the little birdies to give them this to perch on."
15. Scientific: "Say, does that thing there influence the tides?"
16. Obscure: "Hoo, I'd hate to see the grindstone."
17. Inquiry: "When you stop and smell the flowers, are they afraid?"
18. French: "Sir, ze pigs have refused to find any more truffles until you leave."
19. Pornographic: "Finally, a man can satisfy two women at once."
20. Religious: "The Lord giveth, and he just kept on giving, didn't he?"
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