The Fumbler can't go a minute longer without confessing to his loyal readers an intimate detail about his life that he has never told a single soul.
He loves Halloween.
OK, so that's never a jaw-dropping revelation, no matter who says it, but for a celebrity such as The Fumbler, who is always in the public eye, the admission that he enjoys Halloween even more than most kids -- and even more than his next favorite holiday, April Fool's Day -- is noteworthy.
He might be too old to go trick-or-treating, but that doesn't stop The Fumbler from putting on a costume when handing out treats and attending Halloween parties.
In advance of this year's holiday, The Fumbler spent a few hours earlier this week brainstorming about what his costume will be.
The theme? ... WPIAL personality.
Here are the three finalists ...
Aliquippa coach Mike Zmijanac: What a look this would be. White hair, thick mustache, five rings -- one for each of his WPIAL championships (4) and a PIAA title -- and a black Quips Ty Law jersey, straight out of 1991.
Belle Vernon offensive tackle Dorian Johnson: A challenging costume, to say the least. The Fumbler loves the idea, but he would have to wear stilts, shoulder pads and tuck a pillow under his shirt to mimic Johnson's 6-foot-6, 290-pound frame.
The Jeannette Jayhawk: What do you call a bird walking into a Halloween party? The Fumbler. It could happen. Although he has never been to a "Furry" convention, The Fumbler is intrigued by the welcoming he would receive by donning a beak, a red, white and blue outfit, and funny-looking feathers.
Have any other costume ideas for The Fumbler? Feel free to pass them along by emailing him at firstname.lastname@example.org.
The Fumbler was in championship form last week, finishing with a sensational 59-6 record. That boosts his record to 365-98 (.788) for the season.
Here are his thoughts on this weekend's top games:
Gateway (6-1, 6-0) at Penn-Trafford (6-1, 6-0), 7:30 p.m. today -- You think Penn-Trafford coach John Ruane was on the receiving end of some friendly trash talk this week? Ruane, a former assistant at Gateway under Terry Smith, is still a business teacher at Gateway. This game serves as an important exam for a pair of teams that have been the class of the Class AAAA Foothills Conference. Last year, Penn-Trafford passed its Gateway test and went on to win the conference title. This season, it will be the Gators who take the Warriors to school. Winner: Gateway.
West Allegheny (6-1, 5-1) at Montour (7-0, 6-0), 7:10 p.m. today -- One of The Fumbler's all-time favorite names is Joe Slappy, once the top receiver for Tyler Palko at West Allegheny. When a teacher read roll call, the name might have appeared as Slappy, Joe. Writing that makes The Fumbler hungry. He has never said no to a Sloppy Joe. He rarely shrugs off West Allegheny -- the alma mater of Mrs. Fumbler -- either. However, Montour has a dynamic receiver in Devin Wilson, who is the meat of the Spartans offense and anything but sloppy. Manwich anyone? Winner: Montour.
Franklin Regional (6-1, 5-1) at Hampton (6-1, 5-1), 7 p.m. today -- The Fumbler has heard stories of the legendary Tony Lodovico, father of Franklin Regional quarterback Nico Lodovico, who makes homemade wine to give to friends and hosts buffet meals for family and some of the team following games. Franklin Regional didn't whine after losing its season opener, and has since cooked up six consecutive wins. Hampton has been eating up opponents, too. These teams, along with Mars, are tied for the Class AA Greater Allegheny Conference lead. Like fine wine, the Panthers will continue to get better with age. Winner: Franklin Regional.
University Prep (4-1, 4-0) at Perry (5-2, 4-0), 7 p.m. today -- University Prep will be playing with heavy hearts, this after junior tackle Ne'Ondre Harbour was shot and killed last Sunday. It's amazing to see teams come together when dealing with tragedies such as this. One can bet the Wildcats will do the same. But will they be able to maintain focus and harness their emotions in a game that will give the victor the City League lead? University Prep is the defending champion. Win or lose, the Wildcats will be champions again tonight. Winner: University Prep.
And the rest (home teams in capital letters):
CITY LEAGUE -- Allderdice over BRASHEAR.
WPIAL CLASS AAAA -- (Foothills Conference) Hempfield over NORWIN; CONNELLSVILLE over Latrobe; McKeesport over KISKI AREA. (Northern Eight) BUTLER over Fox Chapel; North Allegheny over SHALER; North Hills over PINE-RICHLAND. (Southeastern) Baldwin over CANON-McMILLAN; Mt. Lebanon over PENN HILLS; UPPER ST. CLAIR over Plum; Woodland Hills over PETERS TOWNSHIP.
WPIAL CLASS AAA -- (Big Nine) Elizabeth Forward over ALBERT GALLATIN; BELLE VERNON over Laurel Highlands; Thomas Jefferson over UNIONTOWN; West Mifflin over TRINITY. (Greater Allegheny) GREENSBURG SALEM over Derry; KNOCH over Indiana; Mars over HOLLIDAYSBURG. (Parkway) CENTRAL VALLEY over Ambridge; BLACKHAWK over Chartiers Valley; NEW CASTLE over Moon.
WPIAL CLASS AA -- (Allegheny) BURRELL over East Allegheny; Ford City over DEER LAKES; Kittanning over VALLEY. (Century) McGUFFEY over Keystone Oaks; South Fayette over SOUTH PARK; SOUTH ALLEGHENY over Steel Valley. (Interstate) MOUNT PLEASANT over Brownsville; SOUTHMORELAND over Charleroi; Jeannette over WAYNESBURG; GREENSBURG CENTRAL CATHOLIC over Yough. (Midwestern) BEAVER over Ellwood City; New Brighton over RIVERSIDE.
WPIAL CLASS A -- (Big Seven) STO-ROX over Laurel; ROCHESTER over Our Lady of the Sacred Heart; UNION over South Side Beaver. (Black Hills) BRENTWOOD over Bishop Canevin; CALIFORNIA over Carlynton; MONESSEN over Chartiers-Houston; Imani Christian over FORT CHERRY; CLAIRTON over Serra Catholic. (Eastern) Northgate over SPRINGDALE; APOLLO-RIDGE over Riverview; LEECHBURG over West Shamokin. (Tri-County South) BETH-CENTER over Avella; CARMICHAELS over Bentworth; Jefferson-Morgan over MAPLETOWN.
NON-CONFERENCE -- CENTRAL CATHOLIC over Altoona; SENECA VALLEY over Bethel Park; RINGGOLD over Highlands; Hopewell over FREEDOM; NESHANNOCK over North Catholic; Seton-LaSalle over MOHAWK; FRAZIER over Vincentian; Washington over FREEPORT.
WPIAL CLASS AA -- (Allegheny) Shady Side Academy over SUMMIT ACADEMY. (Century) QUAKER VALLEY over Burgettstown.
WPIAL CLASS A -- (Eastern) Avonworth over WILKINSBURG. (Tri-County South) West Greene over GEIBEL CATHOLIC.
NON-CONFERENCE -- WOODBERRY FOREST SCHOOL, VA. over Kiski School.
WPIAL CLASS A -- (Big Seven) SHENANGO over Western Beaver.