I realize that the war has only just begun. It's not going to be finished overnight, but will be waged in a series of battles and skirmishes against an axis of evil.
The fight could prove costly. There will be some wins and some losses. But our resolve must be strong, and our belief in our cause must never waver.
All you parents of pre-teens know of what I speak. Yes, it's the struggle with your kids over PG-13 movies that EVERYBODY ELSE IS ALLOWED TO SEE EXCEPT THEM!!!!!!!
This is not the kind of conflict that can be settled by something as simple as, say, a fusillade of smart bombs followed by an airdrop of wholesome videos.
I mean, who's the target? Britney Spears? As IF. Even if she were neutralized, 10 more would sprout up in her place.
Certainly we can't count our own kids as the enemy. True, they are the ones slamming doors, denouncing us as hopelessly overprotective and pushing us to relent as a matter of simple social justice before they become, like, total outcasts.
But we must not be fooled by this. They are not the problem.
OK, they are part of the problem. But only because, for some odd reason, they fail to appreciate our greater wisdom and superior powers of discernment. But they do understand this much: We decide what's appropriate for them based primarily on our desire to ruin their lives.
The other part of the problem is that the so-called "teen film" industry -- that confluence of sex, drugs, violence, greed, bad writing and worse acting -- keeps loading more of this questionable content into more movies aimed at kids of ever-younger ages.
There's only one effective way for parents to fight this kind of battle, and that's on the ground. Reconnaissance is definitely called for.
Yep. You've gotta get down there in the movie trenches and see the darned things, or talk with other parents who've already done the advance work. The alternative, if you're a mean mom like me, is to just say no.
Why torture yourself instead of simply using the Motion Picture Association of America's ratings? Because, as the association duly notes, those ratings are only a guideline. They don't tell you much about the specifics of any given film and are not meant as a substitute for parental judgment.
For example, I happen to not mind strong language if the film is inspiring or teaches an important lesson that could benefit an 11-year-old. So where the MPAA gave an R to "Erin Brockovich" and "Billy Elliot," I felt otherwise.
But I do mind certain types of nudity, sex or violence portrayed as the epitome of cool, and I do mind frightening images, all of which may be present in PG-13 movies. The adolescent male fantasy "Wayne's World," for example, is not my idea of appropriate entertainment for a 10-year-old, nor is "The Mothman Prophecies," and both are PG-13.
For the record, here's what the Motion Picture Association of America says about PG-13 material: It "leaps beyond the boundaries of the PG rating in theme, violence, nudity, sensuality, language, or other content, but does not quite fit within the restricted R category. Any drug use content will initially require at least a PG-13 rating.
"In effect, the PG-13 cautions parents with more stringency than usual to give special attention to this film before they allow their 12-year-olds and younger to attend. If nudity is sexually oriented, the film will generally not be found in the PG-13 category. If violence is too rough or persistent, the film goes into the R rating."
A film's single use of one of the harsher sexually derived words, even if it's an expletive, gets at least a PG-13 rating. More than one such expletive gets an R, and so does even one of these words in a sexual context. But films can be rated less severely if the rating board feels it would better reflect the opinion of American parents.
Which brings us back to Britney and her bared belly. They will be appearing in a PG-13 film opening this week.
I soooo do not want to see this movie that the answer will probably stay at "no" on the approval meter. This is true even though chances are good that my kid will end up seeing it on video at someone's slumber party.
You can't police them everywhere, so you just have to make their lives miserable where you can.
Sally Kalson's e-mail is: skalson@post-gazette.com
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